


Ad terram nullium.

by carefulfleshgnawer



Category: Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Entomophobia, Gen, Panic Attacks, Psychological, Spying, Thriller, lying, shima centric, underwater caves, unreliable narrator... perhaps
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:13:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 44,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26008570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carefulfleshgnawer/pseuds/carefulfleshgnawer
Summary: It started with the small things - liking hide-and-seek and staying up past bed time. The little acts of rebellion, the little sources of thrill.Then, he received an offer he could not refuse.--A (vaguely) 5 + 1 fic about Renzou's ventures into sneakiness and espionage. The times he can handle it, and the time it's bigger than him.
Relationships: None
Comments: 44
Kudos: 48





	1. Small beginnings.

**Author's Note:**

> "Ad terram nullium" means "To no man's land". The way that terra nullius differs from terra incognita is that while terra incognita is unknown and unexplored, terra nullius means... it is known, but no one in their _right mind_ would go there. I think that's a funny little title for a Shima centric fic about him choosing the spy life despite all warnings and the wishes of his family.
> 
> This is a thing I've been working on for like half a year now! I have pretty much all of it done, now just doing the final edits as I post. 
> 
> Chapters get longer as they go, and they're not strictly connected. Each focuses on a different event / time period.
> 
> \--
> 
>  **A SPECIAL 'THANK YOU'!** goes out to all the people who helped me through making this. You know who you are, you know where we meet up ❤ Thank you for reading the w.i.p. and keeping me motivated with your kind words and infectious enthusiasm. Thank you for helping me out when I was stuck on a scene or just not sure what direction to go in. Thank you for all the positive energy we shared, and continue to share. I love you guys.

The day is sunny and a little breezy. The branches swing in the wind, the birds sing somewhere out of sight. The grounds of the Myoo Dharani are uncharacteristically empty, except for one boy.

Renzou is six and a half years old and on a mission. While all the important adults are over at the main building talking about important adult things and other boring stuff he can’t really understand, he has snuck almost all the way across the grounds, away from his friends and towards the kitchens.

The trio overheard that today would have a feast, and so they have hatched a plan. You see, in Myoo Dharani, a feast means there will also be some kind of desert, and that is something that doesn't happen often. And since it doesn’t happen often, the boys are getting impatient quickly. Waiting until the evening seems like an impossible task. They are taking matters into their own hands.

Bon and Neko have entrusted him with snatching some of the desserts the cooks had made for later today while they distract the monk left to watch over the three of them, since he is the quietest at tip-toeing and the best at hide-and-seek. Bon has given him his cool Gundam bag for easy transport of the goods.

Renzou approaches the mission with as much seriousness as a boy of his age can. He looks both ways before darting from one location to the next, he rolls and sneaks. He hums the theme song of some cartoon the three of them had been watching lately for morale, imagines himself as the main character of a thriller, on a top secret mission to steal something important, avoiding traps like spike-filled pits and arrows that shoot out of walls and guard patrols. 

He flattens to the wall in the eaves when some adults pass and hides behind the sliding doors when there are no nooks available. He’s noticed through exploring which rooms are usually empty over time - they usually have a thick layer of dust on the floor. The temple doesn’t have that many people, so a lot of the space is just used to store junk and other weird objects they’re not allowed to touch. All that unused space is very useful to him now.

Once he reaches the doors to the kitchens, he presses an ear to the door and listens. This particular door creaks a little, so he needs some noise from inside to cover it up. Timing is critical. His friends are counting on him. Renzou’s tiny heart races, and his skin buzzes with the excitement of it all. The longer he stands in the hall unprotected, the higher the chances of being found, so he prays quietly to - something - that the distraction he needs comes sooner rather than later.

Finally - there is a clang from within - and he opens the door swiftly and masterfully, just enough that he can slip inside, close it behind him, and crouches. The two on cooking duty today are Miyaki and Takuya, so he’s in luck. They’re not usually that aware of their surroundings, at least nowhere near his dad or the head priest or some of the other monks, so they should be easy to sneak past. Not to mention - they have the radio on, which makes it that much easier. He almost pouts in disappointment at the seemingly easy mission but chooses to accept the favour given to him by fate.

He follows the movements of the cooks and crawls between the counters stealthily until he sees the platter with the sweets - they’re one of his absolute favourites, and he grins to himself in happiness. Renzou sneaks three pieces into the bag and hastily retreats, the slight sounds of his scurrying covered by the up-beat pop music coming from the radio.

Once he has escaped the kitchen, he leans back against the door and exhales a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. His heart still thuds, but now a thrill bubbles up at having gotten away with the main objective of this heist. Renzou can’t suppress the grin that splits his lips.

He wants to shout in victory and pump his fist - but just barely keeps it in. He reminds himself that he is not Scott-free yet. He still has to return to the others with his loot. He puts the bag on his back and sets off much the same way as he’d come. 

The hallways are emptier this time around, and he’s almost out of the building when he hears approaching voices.

Renzou curses gently when he realises that he has to double back because there are no good hiding spaces around and instead scurries into a room a few halls over. When the voices near again he recognises them as his older brothers, talking loudly about this or something else. He’s glad he’s hiding in a room, as his brothers are good at sniffing him out.

Renzou sits tucked halfway behind a covered-up artefact and breathing slowly and shallowly through his mouth to make as little noise as possible when they pass by, voices audible through the paper-thin walls.

“-’ll be old enough soon, so we’ll see if the flames take, but ma-a-an would it suck if it chose him out of all of us,” the voice of Kin-nii says.

“Oh, don’t be like that. Father said that we have to trust the-” Juu-nii replies, and says something more, but Renzou doesn’t recognise the words he says next and assumes it’s more boring adult stuff he doesn’t need to bother with.

As soon as their voices fade down the hall he shuffles to the door and slides it open just enough to peek both ways before continuing his way back to Bon and Neko.

His friends welcome him back like a hero and they eat the sweets in secret after going further into the gardens when the monk watching them starts dozing off. Bon and Neko praise him over a mission well accomplished and he basks in the praise.

The fact that they all get scolded for it later doesn’t really matter. Renzou tries to keep as straight a face as possible and not cry while father dresses him down in front of his brothers and sisters who look on, some judgingly (Kin-nii), some with sympathy (Juu-nii and Go-nii), but maybe a part of him knows he’ll forget the burn soon enough and do it again.

He likes the thrill of it all too much to learn from his mistakes. And who knows, maybe someday he’ll get so good at it his father won’t even find out when he sneaks off with what he shouldn't have.


	2. Quiet and unseen.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little further along the line, Renzou's exploring his options. 
> 
> Getting into arguments is too much trouble... there's got to be other ways to get what he wants, right?

It’s the last week of May, and Renzou finds that something is odd. Bon and Konekomaru have been avoiding him the past few days. They probably think they’re being overt about it, saying how they have a paired assignment to do and it’s nothing personal, but then he hears them giggle as they head off to god-knows-where to do god-knows-what and… it stings just a little. He doesn’t really have other close friends. And the girls don’t like to talk to him for longer than necessary for some reason.

And it’s not like his brothers want to spend that much time with him either - they’re busy with their stupid obligations and training (he has been skipping his own training because he hates it, and he hates the big scary demon that’s bound to him now and drains his strength so fast he can’t even practice any of the forms that father tries to drill into him and it sucks so much because Bon and Konekomaru don’t have to deal with that stuff, just him, and he’s not even allowed to _talk about it_ ). 

So, he stands by the lockers in school, snuffed again by his so-called friends with another lame excuse. He wonders why they even bother when it’s so transparent they’re not _actually_ going to study and are obviously trying to get rid of him.

Renzou puts on a happy face as he says ‘see you later’ but it sounds bitter (and they both look a little guilty right then, but make no effort to make amends and… if they want to be that way then - fine!).

Renzou heads home alone for the third time this week. And it’s a Wednesday. He kicks at the pebbles in frustration as he walks and ignores the anger he feels and the irritated heat that makes his skin itch. Let them get all buddy-buddy without him. Whatever. 

The stupid-ugly-scary demon croons something at him from within his head and he blots it out as best as he can. He hates talking to it. It’s mean and always wants to pick fights with others.

Once he’s home he _actually does_ his homework because he doesn’t have anything else to do. Same as he hasn’t had anything else to do the last two days. Homework’s not that hard when he puts his full focus into it so he finishes rather quickly, but once he’s done he’s at a loss. There’s not much to do here.

He can’t even read comics because it’s not the same without the Bon and Konekomaru. He considers helping the Inn staff with chores but realises that’s too much of a hassle and eventually ends up sitting on the engawa, staring out into the grounds. The fresh air makes him feel a little bit better, though not much. The flowers and herbs in the garden are blooming now, giving the air a pleasant but confusing smell. Sometimes a bee buzzes by lazily, or a bird sings somewhere. 

It’s the perfect kind of weather for going exploring in the forest at the foot of Mt. Kongo, and yet...

No one bothers him or even acknowledges him as he sits there sulking and scowling, they all just walk on by, heading off someplace, busy with responsibilities and chores. He wishes there were more kids here. He wishes he had more friends. He wishes Bon and Konekomaru would stop blowing him off.

He goes inside only when the sky turns pink-orange and the mosquitoes get too annoying to sit still anymore. As he heads from the main building to the one the Shimas live in he runs into Bon and Konekomaru, who seemingly only just got back. Bon hides something behind his back quickly once he spots Renzou.

“Oh, hi, we just got back from studying,” he says, like a liar. Renzou glares a little.

“Cool,” is all he says. The other two seem to deflate a little and exchange a look. Then they make an excuse about being late to dinner and head off to the main hall with their tails between their legs.

But as they retreat Renzou can see what Bon had hidden from view - it’s a plastic shopping bag from the bookstore they all get their comics from. The realisation is like cold water splashed inside his chest. He shakes his head in denial and hurries home, vision blurry with the sudden maelstrom of emotions. (He isn’t crying. Not really, he swears; crying sucks.)

He washes his face with cold water just a little violently in an attempt to calm himself before going to the main room to eat with the rest of his family. He hopes they won’t comment on his emotional state.

Perhaps in vain, as the first thing Kin-nii does when he sits down across from Renzou is ask, loudly, “What the hell happened to you?” 

There’s quiet. Even father says nothing, looking at the youngest son in mild curiosity.

“Nothing,” Renzou grits out.

“Liar,” Kin-nii responds, “What was it? Some girl hit you for coming on too strong?”

Now, that has happened a few times, but that’s not the case right now. Renzou still finds himself flushing from embarrassment.

“No, that didn’t happen. I don’t want to talk about it, it’s stupid,” Renzou manages, stabbing at his rice with the chopsticks without picking any up.

“So it isn’t nothing,” father says, and, he has to look his father in the eye when he speaks, it’s only proper, but he does it unwillingly, “go on, Renzou, out with it.”

It’s hard to keep eye contact when he says “Bon and Konekomaru keep doing stuff without me.” There’s a moment of silence. Father seems taken aback, but he manages to regain his wits rather quickly.

“Have you talked to them about it?” he asks, slowly, raising a brow in a slightly judging fashion.

“No...” Renzou shrinks down. Oh, he can feel the lecture coming on...

“Well, if it bothers you so much then ask them about it instead of sulking like a dog. A true Shima should be direct and deal with his problems head on,” father says. And Renzou can find nothing to argue with in that, at least not without getting into trouble, so he mumbles a ‘yes, father’ and then everyone returns to eating.

Renzou misses Juuzou and Kinzou exchanging worried looks and a seemingly silent conversation.

After dinner he goes to slump on his bed and stare up at Gozou’s bunk. There’s soft orange light still filtering through the shoji, and it bathes the whole room in a pleasant glow. The sadness is leaching out of him and into the floor, leaving a strange emptiness in its stead. His father is right, he supposes. He doesn’t want the hassle but he should ask Bon and Konekomaru what it is they’re trying to pull.

/you should be angry instead,/ the terrible voice of the scary demon whispers. It feels like hot air against his ear even though he knows it can’t manifest without his will. He shivers, a pang of fear lancing through him, but grits his teeth and thinks -‘shut up!’

/they are deceiving you. you should be angry. you should find out the truth without giving them the chance to lie again. /

Huh? ‘What do you mean?’

/you know what i mean. you are good at hiding, boy. follow them to know the truth. if you ask now they will tell you lies./

Loathe as Renzou is to admit it… perhaps that’s not such a bad idea. It’s a lot less hassle than confronting the other boys… Renzou doesn’t want to get into a fight with Bon and Konekomaru. If his dad is right (eugh!) and he's really overthinking it...

he seriously considers it. Maybe the mean demon is onto something... It would be like hitting two birds with one stone.

It laughs around him/inside him at that thought.

/of course. i am old and i am wise with people; sixteen generations i have contracted with the house of shima, seen and heard and tasted all as my keepers did. you are no brave-hearted fighter, boy…/ the voice pauses, settles on his skin like oil. Renzou feels his arms prickle with goosebumps.

/...not like the previous one was. you... are a serpent that slithers and dodges all blades, over any terrain... you are unwieldy and unassuming, but stealthy and formidable in your own way. or at least you will be, soon enough. i know this, i taste it in you blood./

‘You taste my blood? That’s gross,’ is all Renzou can think in reply. He shivers at the thought. Can it really? Will it suck him dry?

The voice laughs briefly before fading into the quiet of the evening.

But the demon’s words reverberate in Renzou’s head long after it has quieted. There’s something profound and reaffirming in them, but he’s too tired today to really think about it that hard.

One thing is for sure - he’s made up his mind. Tomorrow, if Bon and Konekomaru ditch him again, he’ll pretend to go home, but in reality… 

The thoughts cut off as sleep takes him. He dreams of snakes engulfed in black flames, hissing and winding into knots. An impenetrable barrier of glittering scales and fangs. A Gordian knot of living strings before him. But above and below and around it - nothing.

The morning and school day are pretty much the same as always. Get to school, sit through the lessons barely absorbing anything, get lunch with the boys, more lessons, try to avoid straining too much in P.E. by sneaking behind the bleachers, more lessons, until finally - end.

Renzou thinks that perhaps today his friends will come to their senses and everything will go back to normal. Perhaps they’ll all go home together. He finds a part of him would be disappointed at that, and it’s a strange feeling. Does he actually _want_ his friends to lie to him?

But they say there’s still a few things with their project that they have to polish off, and that Renzou can go ahead if he wants. He agrees easily enough and then they part ways. Except Renzou stops just around the corner. Peeks to make sure they’re both on their way and then sets off after them.

He loves the thrill of sneaking. His heart beats in his chest wildly, and his hands shake, but the excitement is above it all. There’s an art to keeping the exact distance that lets him see where they go and what they do without being close enough to be spotted. There’s a rush in constantly thinking on his feet where to hide in case they turn, in balancing on a knife's-edge.

The scary demon purrs somewhere off to the left of his heart, not within and not without him.

/this is exactly what i meant, boy./

Renzou doesn’t know what it means but can’t help but agree even as he shakes his head to disperse the echoes of that terrible voice.

He sees the other two walk into the bookstore. He frowns, ugly thoughts rearing back up inside him. In a display of foolish courage, he also heads in. Bon and Konekomaru are most likely to head directly to the comics section, as they do when they go all together, so Renzou heads to the section that’s near enough to be just within view and just out of attention - the cook-book section. If he squeezes in the gap between the shelves just so the other boys won’t see him, but he’ll still hear them if they speak normally. Perfect.

“-hy is it so hard? I know he’d like all of these, but I don’t know which would make him go - wow, guys, thank you so much! - you know?” Bon asks, and he sounds frustrated.

“Ahh I agree with you there. Shima seems so easy to understand until you actually start thinking about it. What does he even like better? Mecha or Fantasy? I swear I should know, but I’m just not sure,” Konekomaru says.

“I say we just go with the ones we got yesterday, Konekomaru. At least we know he likes the series, and he hasn’t gotten the latest volume yet.” 

“Maybe you’re right. Ugh, I hate shopping for presents so much. I had no idea it would be so hard,” Konekomaru whines.

“C’mon, we should get the wrapping paper and head home before he gets sulky again. I felt so bad yesterday... There’s nothing more for us to do today. We’ll have to ask an adult to get the other stuff on Monday,” Bon says, and they both put down the comics they had been holding and head for the exit.

Renzou sneaks to the entrance of the shop while the other boys go to the register, slips outside quietly while still not appearing so suspicious as to attract the security’s attention. His heart hammers in his chest, but his brain rushes with joy and relief. He has to get home before Bon and Konekomaru get back home… from… their project, haha!

He runs home through every shortcut he can think of, heedless of the horrible stitch in his side. His lungs burn but his body feels light as a feather. He is exhilarated with getting away in secret. Pleased with how it all turned out - he is reassured of Bon and Konekomaru’s friendship without needing to confront them. 

But most of all, he is looking forward to his birthday next Tuesday.


	3. An opportunity too good to miss.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Renzou takes the first step into the unknown, and is terribly pleased about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go !!! This is where it all starts baby !!!

It is a few weeks before graduation. Spring is in the air as the leftover February snow thaws and the new grass starts sprouting in every uncovered patch of dirt. It’s hard to think of finals when the weather is so pleasant. Sure, there’s mud everywhere and it’s still kind of cold, but the atmosphere is just _teeming_ with life.

On their way back from a study group Bon had forced them to attend- bless his hard-working soul- the three boys stop for some food per Renzou’s pleading.

(‘You have food at home,’ Bon says. ‘But I don’t want the food that’s at home,’ Renzou whines, ‘I want that convenience store meal-deal, you know the one. Please, you’ve made us study so hard. I need this. Let me have this!’)

They’ve just sat down at the table in the shop with their instant noodles and single-packed sausages when Renzou feels a prickle in his scalp. There’s a brief uneasiness, and Yamantaka rears up at his discomfort before he squashes it down viciously. He refuses the idea of any of them actually being in danger, instead stretching out over the backrest and using the action to mask how he inspects the surroundings. Nothing seems to be out of the ordinary, there’s not really a lot of customers at this time of day, but-

There’s a girl at the register, her items currently getting rung up by the cashier, and that's not weird at all, except… she’s looking at him. Like, intently staring into his eyes. Renzou waits for her to look away at being caught, except she doesn’t, and he pauses in a moment of shock. Maybe he’s seeing things, looking at her upside down like this, so he straightens up and turns instead-

And she’s still looking right at him. He finds this puzzling, but then she smiles and, oh, it’s such a cute smile! He curses his instincts and kicks his wariness down to the back of his mind and shoots her his best smile back. She looks away, bashful, and then the cashier signals for her attention and she turns fully to pay.

Renzou, still smiling, looks on at her turned figure. She looks like a nice girl, but she’s not wearing a uniform, so he wonders just who she is and where she’s from. The shape of her is lovely from what he can make out. He’s just debating going over and trying to start a conversation when she turns again, holding up two cans of iced coffee and…

And holding one out, shaking it for emphasis. She smiles again, somewhat shy, somewhat hopeful, and Renzou can’t help but gape. Is this really real life? He whips about to Bon and Konekomaru to find them just as wide-eyed as he is. Konekomaru seems to regain his senses and gestures at him to go, and, well, would he even consider not going? Really?

Renzou practically leaps out of his chair but then decides maybe that’s too eager and takes a fortifying breath. ‘Cool it,’ he thinks to himself, ‘a girl is just offering you some coffee, that’s, uh, normal, totally happens.’

But as he walks over her smile widens and she turns, heading to the other side of the shop where another set of tables is. Just as Renzou is about to go around the corner of the shelves he looks back at his friends. Konekomaru is sending him a thumbs up, but Bon… looks worried?

He tries to tell himself it’s just that Bon’s a worrier, that this is as simple as it seems, except… this is definitely unusual. Doubt creeps over him like icky creepy-crawly things, and Yamantaka tries to surface in his mind again - he hears that voice it’s taken him years to learn to drown out again over and under and in his head-

/boy-/

-but it doesn’t get any further than that. He pushes the demon back down, eyes squeezing shut in concentration. It’s resisting something wicked, bellowing in some dimension he can’t quite perceive but feels like phantom tongues of fire flicking on his skin. He has to strain his mind to keep it down. Why is it so worked up though? Did… did it sense something? His skin itches, doubt sinking deeper and deeper…

‘No!’ he shakes his head. He won’t let Bon’s worries or the stupid familiar ruin a perfectly normal cute girl wanting to share a perfectly normal iced coffee with him! Renzou straightens, schools his expression into a friendly smile and walks the rest of the way, settling opposite the girl at the table.

She looks at him through her lashes and slides the coffee over slowly, “I was starting to think you wouldn’t come,” she says, her voice quiet and soft and demure.

Renzou realises that for all the time he’s spent getting acquainted with the girls from school, he’s never seen her before. She’s a complete stranger? 

His smile widens, “How could I resist such a lovely invitation?” Then he opens the coffee and takes a gulp in a theatrical fashion, “Ahh, these really taste so much better in beautiful company!”

She giggles, hiding her mouth with her hand in an endearing fashion. (but she doesn’t blush even a little, not like the girls at school, a corner of his brain notes. ‘It’s just make-up, really natural looking make-up,’ he replies to it, dismissive.)

Emboldened by her giggling, he continues his attentions, “Let’s toast to our first of many meetings!”

“Oh, stop!” she says weakly, but clinks her can against his. She’s really cute. He really likes really cute girls.

“You’re as bad as I’ve heard, Shima-kun!” she says, fake exasperated- and he can’t control his face quick enough. The shock just slips out from beneath his smile. She _knows_ him?

“Ah!” she says, eyebrows tilted in an over-exaggerated worried expression, “sorry, that probably came out weird! I’m a friend of Ritsuki, she’s told me about you. I graduated last year! Ayanami Miko, nice to meet you!”

“Oh, I see! Well, I guess you know already, but I’m Shima Renzou,” he laughs, “nice to meet you too, Ayanami-san!”

(Ritsuki is in his grade, he thought he knew all her friends, but guess not. And he definitely doesn’t remember this girl from the graduation last year when he came to congratulate an upperclassman from a club they both attended. That’s weird, he’s usually so good with faces…)

“It’s fine, you can call me Miko!” she waves him off, “Is it alright if I call you Renzou?”

He nods, feeling a little speechless and flustered at her forwardness. It’s surprising; she seemed so shy at first. He’s not used to girls being bold with him. He’s used to them being just cordial enough to not be rude.

She doesn’t seem to notice his sudden nerves, “Ah, Renzou-kun, I’m sorry to jump you like this, but I’m only passing through town, and there’s something I wanted to talk to you about,” she says.

Huh?

“About what, Miko-chan?” he asks, finally schooling his expression back into something friendly-happy-placid. Her first name sits oddly on her tongue. The familiarity is too rushed even for him; he knows _nothing_ about her. 

“My company is recruiting people fresh out of school for job opportunities. I asked Ritsuki-chan who would make good candidates and one of the people she mentioned was you!” she says happily.

That’s… definitely interesting. He can’t imagine Ritsuki recommending him for anything, but then again…

“What, ah, what kind of job opportunities?” he asks, and then because he can’t help it - “And who else did she recommend?”

A shadow passes over her face on the second question, so quick he questions if he even saw it… but he’s sure he did… he thinks…

“Well, mostly we offer internships in a whole bunch of communications companies, places that deal with working with people, that kind of stuff, it’s all really important in the modern world… but we also help people decide what kind of stuff they want to do if they’re feeling directionless,” she smiles, then shifts to a very thoughtful expression, “as for who else… ah, I can’t remember the names right… there was a Sato something? A Watanabe… or was it Yoshida… oh, I’d need to look at my list to be sure, sorry!”

Now, there is a Watanabe in their class but he’s a total hikikomori… he hasn’t even attended all of last month. If Renzou thinks it’s unlikely that Ritsuki would recommend him, then that goes double for Watanabe... But the rest of the surnames are a total miss. And there's something in her face, the way her eyes flit about as she prattles the names off...

Is she making them up? Guessing random names?

Renzou finds himself uneasy but oddly _intrigued_ , “Yeah, they do say that communication is key! Haha. Can you tell me more?”

In that exact moment her phone beeps; she looks at it, and for a second her cute mien gives way to cold displeasure, but when she looks at him again she has that cute smile back on, and an apologetic twist to her eyebrows.

“Oh, Renzou-kun, I wish I could, but something has just come up!” she pulls something from her wallet and slides it over. It’s a business card, he notes. “Tell you what, I have to run right now, but you call this number and I can explain it all to you then, or we can arrange another meeting, alright? My company has an office here in Kyoto, the address is there, you can come by anytime!” 

“Oh yeah, that sounds nice,” he says, and she beams at him before getting up and leaving. Her coffee stays on the table, and he stays seated even after the door rings, signalling her departure. 

He finds himself long past denial. This entire meeting is fishy.

And then a cold realisation - how did she know where to find him? - followed by - how did she know what he looked like? It would be odd if Ritsuki had shown Miko photos of all the people she suggested and she’d only remembered _his_ face and name and no one else. 

It makes his skin crawl. It makes his blood rush. He pulls out his phone to a text from Bon.

[bon: so how’s the girl? if you need a save let me know.]

Renzou smiles, but ultimately ignores it. Scrolls through his contacts instead until he settles on the ex-upperclassman’s info.

[to imai senpai: hello, shima here! it’s been a while, how have you been? :D i wanted to ask, was there a girl named ayanami miko in your year when you went to our school?]

His fingers hover over the send button with uncertainty for a second, but then he presses it. It might take a while for him to answer; far as Renzou knows he’s really busy in his fancy Tokyo high-school. 

Tucking the business card into his pocket, he gets up and goes back to Bon and Konekomaru.

“Judging from your expression that went horrible,” Bon says.

Renzou hums as he sits down, starts back on his noodles. They’re still hot, thank god.

“Shima?” Konekomaru asks, “this is so unlike you, to be quiet after talking to a girl… what happened?”

Renzou takes his time emptying his mouth.

“She knew me. Said she wants to offer me a job,” he says.

Bon’s face twists in confusion “How did she know you? And why offer you a job?”

Renzou smiles a little ruefully, “She claimed that Ritsuki recommended me.”

Both boys nearly choke at that.

At the same time Konekomaru says “She what?” Bon asks “Ritsuki from our class? But she can’t stand you!”

“I wouldn’t say that she can’t stand me per se...” Renzou pouts, “but I do agree that it’s. _Odd_.”

He doesn’t mention the other suspicious stuff. “She gave me some contact information. I’m kind of on the edge about taking her offer up, haha.”

Bon and Konekomaru both pull a grimace. Well. That’s enough to know their opinion on the subject.

Renzou goes on, “But, eh, I don’t know. Seems like a hassle,” he says, waving a hand dismissively, “let’s just eat and go home.” 

And that’s that on that. Until… well, until he gets home. Renzou's sitting at the desk and the damn card is all but burning a hole in his pocket. Not literally, of course, but his own curiosity is driving him crazy.

He pulls it out. Smooth, glossy, off-white paper, nice font, rounded edges. The text is pressed instead of printed, he can feel the grooves with his finger tips. It's a classy business card. Very classy, in fact.

It doesn't look like a shady business card in the slightest, and is all the _more_ shady for it.

Koumyou foundation, it reads. He's never heard or seen the name before. There’s a telephone number and an address in fine print below the company name. They look… Tempting. Taunting. Tantalising.

His very mind itches, and a dark spot somewhere deep screams, but it doesn’t bother him, not like it used to.

'What do they want from me?' he muses.

Juuzou comes in at that point, plopping down onto his bed with a groan, not even giving Renzou, who he hasn’t seen all day, a ’hi’ or ‘how was school?’. Renzou huffs - he doesn't even want to know what Juuzou’s been doing. Probably more responsibility bullcrap. 

The card feels prickly and sharp in his hands.

Perhaps he should ask for a second opinion (fourth, really, but he's ignoring Bon and Konekomaru's here), he thinks, running his thumb over the card, tracing the letters. 

"Juu-nii?" he starts.

Juuzou makes a vague sound of acknowledgement, muffled by the bedding. Doesn’t turn or anything.

“Have you heard of the Koumyou foundation?” he asks. Juuzou rolls over, looks at him. It’s a little hard to read his expression.

Renzou stretches out his hand to give Juuzou the card, keeps going, “This cute girl I met told me she’d help me get a job if I wanted, that I just have to call… but, boy, seems kind of fishy to me… it’s got me thinking hard if I should really call...”

“I’ll be keeping this,” Juuzou says, suddenly. His face is cold, closed off. Renzou counters it by upping his own innocent look.

“Huh? Why?” he asks.

Juuzou ignores the questions, “Listen up, Renzou. Don’t go near that girl ever again.”

The tone of his voice is full of finality. He learned that from father. But he’s not father, and Renzou refuses to let the conversation end like that.

“Why, do you know something?” he asks. Juuzou’s face hardens. It’s as telling as words would be.

Ah… now he’s even more curious than before… but it’s obvious Juuzou won’t tell him anything. Augh, how excruciating. He shouldn’t have given him the card.

“Stay here,” Juuzou says, getting out of the bed, and that just means Renzou Has to follow him if he wants answers. He answers, “ah, alright, Juu-nii...” aaannd Juuzou doesn’t hear him. He’s already out the door. But that’s alright, Renzou knows exactly where he’s going.

He rises off the floor languidly and dusts off. Heads out of the house and walks back in through the other entrance, the long way around. Crawls into a nook by father’s workroom, just to hear Juuzou already talking. Agitated.

“-t do we do? I can’t believe they’d do something like this! Father, we should place him under protection before something bad happens.”

“Yes, to think they’ve started targeting kids… it’s getting more serious. Protecting Renzou is our primary objective, but we still have to figure out how, and what to tell him. I’ll have to notify the branch director of this, in case they pull something similar in other places...”

Renzou’s missed the start of the conversation, but this still tells him a lot. Then the rest of their conversation is boring stuff - father asking Juuzou to notify the other brothers and some other inquiries - nothing juicy. Renzou sneaks off back to their room as if nothing had happened, lays down on his bed and _thinks._

The next day when he comes home from studying he catches sight of Juuzou carrying a tray in the general direction of the guest reception rooms and he knows it wouldn’t be Juuzou carrying it if it wasn’t absolutely important and most likely pretty secret - he wants to hear all of whatever talks will be held today, and so he needs to act Quick. As fast as he can, he stashes his bag in an unused room and rushes over to the reception halls.

He waits around the corner until he sees Juuzou exit the room and, making sure no one is in it and that no one sees him, sneaks in.

Just as he gets behind the sudare, Kinzou enters with another tray and sets it opposite the first. So close. Renzou had turned the overhead lights on as high as they went on his way so that the main room would be brighter lit than the little cove he’s in. Quietly, he closes the blinds on the other side of the cove, making it even darker. This way, he can see the room from here through the sudare, but as long as no one walks too close to them, he will remain unseen.

He’s so lucky that it’s Kinzou that sits closest to where he’s hidden and no one else. He might be a wonderful fighter but about as observant as a rock. Juuzou and father would most likely have spotted him just now, but with the way the table is placed, he thinks he’s safe.

Kinzou rises when Juuzou, father and another man (in a really gaudy suit), who Renzou can’t recall seeing before, enter. He reckons that that’s the branch chief. All Renzou can think is - _Wow_.

“Thank you for coming at such short notice, Sir Pheles,” father says. He and the man sit across from each other, with Kinzou on the side and Juuzou at the corner, pouring the sake.

“Of course, this is a matter of utmost importance,” the man - Sir Pheles - answers. He has this bored yet amused look on his face that Renzou immediately distrusts. “While your case is far from the first of them trying to recruit from right under our noses, it’s definitely the first time they’ve been so bold.” 

Renzou finds himself relieved, he made the right choice sneaking in here.

“Yes,” father says, face scrunched in displeasure, ” Renzou’s still a kid. To think they’d go after a kid that isn’t even a knight yet…” he pauses uncomfortably and swallows, trying to comport himself more respectably.

“Are the higher-ups doing anything about this issue?” he asks in a more stable voice.

Sir Pheles looks on, almost with disinterest, “Of course,” he drawls, “We’ve sent in some of our own spies, but it’s a rather large organisation and they are notoriously distrusting of new members, so it’s hard to get a proper foothold.”

Father’s frown deepens again. Sir Pheles goes on, “We still don’t know much other than that the central figures are referred to as ‘Illuminati’, and none of our operatives have made it in deep enough to be able to tell us more.”

Sir Pheles holds out his cup and Juuzou pours him a drink. He swirls the sake, pausing. The tension in the room is palpable.

“Certainly, we will try and make our move before they do,” Sir Pheles says, seemingly more to himself, and then downs the drink as something in his countenance changes, “Chief Shima, I am afraid I have not been completely straightforward with you. I came to Kyoto in person because I have a favour to ask of you.”

Father’s frown smoothes itself into a polite yet uneasy grimace, “I see. What is it, Sir Pheles?”

“We’d like to hire your son, Renzou-kun, as a spy that will report directly to me.”

If father had been drinking anything at that moment, he surely would have choked. As it is, he simply lets out an indignant “What?!”

Renzou struggles not to sputter or shift too loud, bless the quietness of tatami floors. His heart starts racing. The branch director himself… wants Renzou to work for him? As a spy? It’s like an opportunity come out from the depths of a dream he never knew he had.

“It’s most likely that they approached him for a reason, chief Shima,” Sir Pheles says, “Renzou-kun is a symbol of the House of Shima, is he not? The child chosen to wield the black flames of Yamantaka. Though they are not quite blue flames, they are still very valuable and thus sure to draw attention.”

Of course the thing that makes him interesting is something he loathes. Of course. And yet, an opportunity is an opportunity… Renzou sits with baited breath, just dying to know what happens next.

Sir Pheles pokes around the dish in front of him with his chopsticks, taking his sweet time before continuing. Father sits speechlessly.

“Besides,” he says, picking up a piece of eel and inspecting it, “the cram school has accepted the boy. Once he becomes an exorcist, it’s just a matter of time before he reaches knighthood... We think they’ll be much more likely to trust the boy while he’s still young and green - they’ll find him a very useful piece in their game.”

From his hiding spot, Renzou can see both Kinzou’s and Juuzou’s fists clenched so hard that they’re white and bloodless. He’s sure father’s are the same.

Sir Pheles, deeming the eel satisfactory, eats in an entirely luxurious manner. His teeth glint in the light. Does he have fangs? “And honestly, if we look at it the other way, Renzou-kun will be very useful to us too. I’m sure he could get to the Illuminati in no time. We could make him the perfect spy, the perfect game piece.”

Father bows his head, expression one of suffering and worry, “Sir Pheles… please let me refuse,” the tone of his voice betrays him though he tries to keep it steady, “I know it’s a favour for you, the branch chief, but Renzou is entirely too inexperienced. He’s a _child_.”

“Ah,” Sir Pheles says, “Of course we will not send him in without training, chief Shima. The boy will receive all the preparation he needs for such a mission.”

Renzou is shaking. He wants it. He wants to do something he would be recognised for, something no one else can. Something he knows already he will be good at.

/greedy for such a slothful boy as yourself, aren't you/ yamantaka whispers. Renzou doesn’t hear it, all his attention to the conversation on the other side of the sudare.

In the room, father finally loses his composure. “No, Sir, that’s not the problem here! A spy has to be prepared to abandon his family, friends, everything! And you wish to make a fifteen-year old kid do such a thing?!”

The strange smile slides off Sir Pheles’ face, replaced by a cold, bored look. “Sure, he’s still quite young, but he’s old enough, you know,” he sighs, ”Sorry, chief Shima, but I don’t really care about your _paternal feelings_...” he enunciates it like it tastes bad.

Father looks ready to burst. If this goes on, he might refuse for real, branch director or no. Renzou doesn’t want that. His skin feels strangely numb. He can’t feel his fingertips.

“I… I’m okay with that, y’know?” he says before he can think better of it.

There’s a single, horrible beat of silence before Kinzou throws the sudare open and yanks him out. The grip on his arm is so tight he can’t help but cry out.

And then he is in the room, visible to everyone. Father and his brothers look shocked and… also pretty angry. Sir Pheles looks equal parts amused and impressed.

“Renzou!” father barks, shocked, lacking in something more concrete so say.

“Haha,” Renzou laughs, nervous, “it sounds like fun… I, ah, sort of want to know what their deal is anyways- ack!” Kinzou grabs him by the scruff and shakes, “You little shit! How long have you been there!?”

Renzou avoids looking him in the eye as he sheepishly admits, “uhm… from the start?”

Kinzou’s angry tirade is cut off by Sir Pheles, “Ohh?” he intones, clapping half-heartedly, “to think… from the start! I didn’t even realise!”

Then he turns to father, smirking, “I’m telling you, this is the kid’s true calling, chief Shima~!”

“Please stop,” father says, an indistinguishable emotion on his face.

“I think it’s my calling too,” Renzou says, looking at father. Right in the eyes, showing no weakness of will. If he wavers now, he will lose the opportunity.

“Quit saying such thoughtless words!” father all but yells, “This is not a game, Renzou!”

“No! I’m being serious here, father,” Renzou says, and father looks at a loss for words. Keeping his expression and voice as even as he can while his heart pounds, Renzou adds, “I want to try it out,” then he allows himself a smile, “I’d become independent even faster than expected! And ah, I really wanna see how far I can get if they’re really as secretive as Sir Pheles says!”

That seems to reach father. He bows his head for a second and takes a deep breath. When he looks at Renzou again, his face is hard and cold. His fist is clenched hard in his lap.

“Are you prepared to deceive the people you treasure the most for this?” he asks.

Renzou can not keep the grin off his face. It overtakes him. Yes. Oh _yes_.

“Well, that’s the whole point, isn’t it?”

Father turns away from him. He leans forward and puts his face in his hands. Doesn’t say anything for far half a minute. Renzou can feel Kinzou and Juuzou all but vibrating with worry besides him, but the only thing that he himself can feel is sweet satisfaction, glorious elation.

He’s about to get something he didn’t know he wanted up until just now, but something he’s desperately needed for a while now. So what if father is a little upset? He’ll get over it eventually.

Finally, father straightens up, and his face betrays nothing of what he feels.

“Very well, Sir Pheles,” he says tightly. The branch director smiles quite pleasantly at that. This close, Renzou can see. He really does have fangs. His dead eyes don’t match the rest of his face. What an ominous man.

“Oh, Wünderbar!” he exclaims, clapping, “I’ll make the arrangements then, and get into touch as soon as possible! You have quite a lot to learn, Renzou-kun, and a very short time indeed to do it! Not to mention there’s still school~”

He gets up and stretches.

“Thank you very much for having me!” he says as he bows theatrically to everyone in the room. He sends Renzou a wink.

And then he disappears in a puff of smoke. Not a trace remains. Is that even allowed?

There’s a beat of silence and then Juuzou and Kinzou both open their mouths in unison to argue, to say something - this is ridiculous! they can't really be serious! what if he gets himself killed or worse-

But father quiets them with a raised hand, “Do not speak. What just transpired here is done and decided, and you can not change it, and you will not talk about it with anyone outside of this room or among yourselves, do you understand?”

The three brothers gulp nervously at the tone before nodding and saying, “Yes, sir!”

Father nods, tired, no, exhausted, “then the subject is dropped. You are free to go, boys.” He rises himself and shuffles out and off.

The boys sit for a moment more. Juuzou and Kinzou look at him, obviously full to the brim with things to say, but they _can’t_. Renzou quite likes that. That they’re not allowed to criticize what he just got himself into. That they won’t pummel him verbally with their opinions. 

Ah. Such sweet, blessed silence.

“Phew~” he says lightly, rising up, “I don’t know about you guys, but I have a lot of studying to do for my finals. Nice talk,” he walks away and out, grinning wide.

Later in their room he finally gets a text back from the upperclassman.

[from imai senpai: Hi shima!! Sorry I didn’t answer immediately, this week has been crazy with studying and I didn’t notice your text OTL I’ve been okay more or less haha, what about you? Getting ready for your finals? Lol and uhh no. i don’t remember an Ayanami Miko?? Nothing even close to that, really :( … why do you ask??]

Renzou laughs to himself quietly. Honestly? He suspected as much.


	4. Per aspera ad bestias.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Renzou makes the call. Then, he travels a long ways from home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Trigger warning!** This chapter contains a scene where a character experiences a phobia - related panic attack, and there is an instance of graphically described gore (but it is brief). Both of these happen around 1/3 into the chapter. There are also bugs (in a scary/negative way)!
> 
> "Per aspera ad bestias" is a play on "Per aspera ad astra" (latin. Through thorns to the stars), where I switched out the stars for... well, beasts. Poetically fitting in my opinion. :,)
> 
> This is a bit longer a whole bunch of stuff happens. I had a lot of fun with this part! Please enjoy!

It's all come down to this. Two weeks of cramming for school exams and getting special lessons with Sir Pheles (it feels like so very much longer than that. The man can bend time to his whims - who knew?) have passed.

Renzou stands, phone in one hand and the business card he got that day in the other. He has the number typed in. He just needs to dial.

He feels so excited it’s not even funny!

Someone picks up after two rings and a woman’s voice says, “Hello, this is the Koumyou foundation, how can I help you?”

“Hi,” he starts, “my name is Shima Renzou, I met with a representative of yours a while ago and she said you’d be able to offer me a job?”

There’s a pause. “Ah, yes, there it is, Shima Renzou, yes, you’re in our database. Would you like to schedule a meeting?”

It's banal how normal this conversation is. Shouldn't it feel more stressful? Shouldn't it be tense? It’s _strange_.

“Yes, I’d like that,” he says, then adds, ” The representative I met with was Ayanami Miko; can I ask for her?”

A long pause. The voice sounds a little less sure when it speaks again, “ahh, yes? We can do that. What times would be good for you? The office is open from 10 to 19 on weekdays and 11 to 16 on weekends. We can try and arrange a slot that’s more comfortable for you.”

They decide on Saturday, 14:30. Renzou grins wildly as he ends the call. Turns to find Juuzou at the doorway, frowning hard, disapproval dripping off him. 

Whatever - his opinion doesn’t matter. Renzou smiles back cheekily.

\--

Saturday finds him in high spirits. He only has one more exam - next week- and the ones up until now he’s passed. Renzou is so close to ending school he can almost taste it.

He’s going to his ‘appointment’ now, wearing formal clothes and all cleaned up. He’s sure he’ll make a great impression. Gain their trust in no time. Shima Renzou will be the best damn spy ever and then- and then _no one_ can tell him _anything_.

When he gets to the address, he walks into a perfectly normal waiting room. Bored looking receptionist, some sad flowers for decor, old magazines.

Miko is there. She’d been chatting up the receptionist but turns when the doorbell jingles. She smiles brightly at him.

“Renzou-kun! I’ve been expecting you!” she chirps, “come along now, we have much to talk about!” she leads him through a series of hallways. Unlike the waiting room the walls are stark white, clinical, no embellishments. It feels a little like a hospital but without the smell of chemicals.

Except he does smell… something. What is that?

“In here,” Miko shows him into a room. It’s an office. Her office, he assumes, but there was no nameplate outside and there is no nameplate on the table. It’s eerily clean. No papers, no nothing. Like they just put the furniture in and haven’t gotten around to actually using it.

“Go on, sit down,” She says, and sits down as well.

Once they’re settled, Miko turns and gestures at a corner, and ah there’s a surveillance camera there, that’s _definitely_ not weird at all haha-

The door opens and a man wearing a lab coat walks in, holding some kind of… box? It’s covered in cloth. He sets it on the table and leaves.

What follows is a fairly awkward silence.

Miko stares at the table for a second with a frown and eventually sighs. It's a long-suffering kind of sigh. A resigned kind of sigh.

“Look, there's no way to broach this lightly so I'll just go all-in. You’re not stupid and neither are we, Renzou-kun."

Ohhh-kay. Wasn't expecting that. He swallows, hopes his smile isn’t as panicked as it feels. Does he remember the way back in case he needs to bolt? She purses her lips and flicks a non-existent speck of dust off the table.

"There's no point in continuing this pretence that you’re here for a job in communications," she says 'communications' like it's a filthy word, looks up at him unimpressed, "...as we know you’ve already informed your family of our previous encounter and surely _they_ tried to fill your head with all kinds of self-righteous nonsense about how _bad_ we are, yeah?”

Renzou opens his mouth to reply (and say what? ‘Oh yeah I talked to my family about it and we agreed I’d spy on you haha, funny isn’t it’) but closes it again. 

She scoffs and continues when he says nothing, “Do they know you are here today?”

He isn’t lying when he says, “No.” Well, except for the part that Juuzou overheard. Details.

She stares at him for a moment, gauging. Then, she seems satisfied with what she sees and continues, “Renzou-kun, you've known about the supernatural as long as you can remember, no?” Miko asks, “About demons. Exorcists. The eternal struggle for balance, two forces forever opposed, forever at war. The horrible _hassle_ of it all.”

Her demeanour is different even if the smile is the same. The atmosphere is serious. Renzou has this horrible sensation that there is way more going on right now than he can keep track of. All the threads are getting crossed in subtext.

“Yeah, you could say so,” he admits, slowly.

“Your family wants you to be an exorcist,” she continues. Not a question. They know. (Oh no, he thinks, goose bumps raising all over his skin. Oh no, they know so much.)

Renzou stares her down, “Yeah,” pauses, "they do." his voice is a little bitter, a little petulant.

“Do _you_ want to be an exorcist, Renzou-kun?” her gaze is piercing,- oh, where did the cute girl that offered him coffee go? was she ever even real?-, “or do you want to be something else? Grow old at peace, in comfort, doing what you love?”

(They know so very much. Sir Pheles warned him, told him they would. And it’s not like he didn’t believe the man, he just didn’t know what that meant. It's a bone chilling shock. They know him - Renzou, ever the slacker, ever the dissident child, ever the slanderer of tradition, ever wanting out- and they are recruiting him anyway. Or is it because? Is he a low-hanging fruit, easy to pick? Or is he something they want and need?)

“What are you implying?” he asks, eyes narrowed, ” There’s never been a future for me that isn’t with the Myou Dharani, and being an exorcist just comes with it.”

Perhaps he’s surprised by how sure he sounds; perhaps scared by it too.

"Oh, Renzou," Her smile turns a little wicked, her eyes glint with ill mirth, “there _could_ be. Your life doesn't _have_ to be like that.”

And she seems to catch herself then, turns back into that placid smiling doll. As quick as a snap of the fingers. Renzou wonders nervously if True Cross had underestimated whatever organisation this is. Wonders if he'll be walking out of this building.

She pulls the cloth off the box idly. It is a cage, several snakes inside, slithered together in knots. He feels a sense of déjà vu and horrible dread. Their scales glitter in every colour of the rainbow; smooth bodies sliding one against the other languidly. 

He shakes his head clear. Focus. What did she say again? That he can _choose_ what to do with his life? Such an idea is… near blasphemous. And yet...

“Really?” he asks, a bit of wonder creeping into his tone, ” Are you saying that if I join you then I don’t have to be an exorcist?” his mouth feels dry, he swallows. Is she for real?

“Well, you’d still have to become an exorcist, but you wouldn’t have to _stay_ and exorcist, not for more than a few years. What we are working towards is...” she pauses, thinking over her next words, “say, imagine a world where you serve no one and aren’t endangered by demons. Imagine no more exorcising, or training, or blood ties. Just enjoying the freedom to do what you want whenever you want.”

“That sounds too good to be true,” he carefully says. That would be so far from what’s been drilled into his head for as long as he can remember. And yet... he can’t help the traitorous acceleration of his heart. A world where he isn’t tied to the Myou Dha… Where he isn’t expected to put his life down for the Head Priest without question…

Just how the hell do they plan to go about that? Because if they manage, it could actually be nice. Renzou bites the inside of his cheek.

“It isn’t. We can achieve it,” she assures him, “and you can _help_ us, Renzou-kun. I know that the order sent you in trying to get to us, but you’re such a smart boy - you can _see_ what’s best, can’t you? Rise above their manipulations. Make the choice and join us; reject their violent doctrine. We will forgive you for being misled by the heads of the cross and we will give you a future worth living. I Promise.”

(Above the manipulations of the order but under the thumb of the Koumyou foundation- or whoever the fuck they are-, she means. Oh, how funny it sounds. Obviously calling him smart was just her way of softening him up, as she doesn't seem to actually believe it. And yet his mind is racing, imagining that pretty picture-)

Renzou makes a grave expression. As if something is tearing him apart inside. There might be. (There is.)

“I, uh, can I think about this a little? It is a lot,” he says, looking unsure. Feeling unsure. Two weeks of training and for what? She has him all turned around with some pretty words. A life of freedom… in return for a few years of obligations, a few years of being an exorcist, of being a spy.

To say that he is tempted is an understatement.

“Of course, you can, but don’t think too long, Renzou-kun,” Miko says, almost teasing, but then turns seemingly sincere, “you could really do a lot of good with us. I can see it.”

The sincerity catches him ill-footed. There’re the beginnings of a nervous knot in his throat. “Yeah, I- I just need to think about it. I’ve never dared to wonder about a life outside the Myou Dha, so what you’re offering… it’s very sudden...” very tempting too. His head is spinning - what’s happening?

“It’s okay Renzou-kun. I know you’ll make the right choice,” she says, ominous in the strange lighting office. There’re deep shadows under her browbones, but her eyes seem to glow. “How about we arrange another meeting, next week? Think it over and come to me, alright?”

“Yes, thank you,” he musters. She leads him out, again through the strange halls with the odd scent. He’s smelled it before, he knows, just doesn’t know when he did or what it is.

He doesn't recall getting to the street but finds himself a few blocks away from the address. His mind is running a mile a minute. He knows that - he knows he’s supposed to say yes, that he needs to get in and gain their trust. But he’s scared now - just one meeting, and he can’t tell if he wants to join because he has to or because he _wants_ to.

 _‘Imagine no more exorcising, or training, or blood ties. Just enjoying the freedom to do what you want whenever you want._ ’

Renzou chews at his lip as he makes his way home. Oh, what _now_?

\--

/they’ve bugged you, boy/ Yamantaka whispers as he brushes his teeth that night, /they’ve already started to test your loyalty even as they claim to give you time and choice. eager and assumptive of them. /

‘I knew they might, but thank you for confirming it,’ Renzou thinks. He doesn’t know how. He doesn’t know when they did it.

Yamantaka makes a noise - it is the huffing of a horse mixed with the bray of an old goat. If Renzou focuses hard enough, he can see the faint outlines of it by his reflection like a too-large, too-dark shadow, but not quite. Its teeth glint, its eyes glow.

/well. we know what you will pick, boy. perhaps with them you will finally let me out to taste blood/ the demon goes on to say, /oh how confining and narrow your bones are;/ it croons darkly. 

Renzou feels ghostly sensations crawling over his skin; they feel like entirely too much like bugs, /every second i seethe more and more to crawl out _through your skin_. /

‘Well, we’ll see about letting you out when we successfully infiltrate, alright?’ he answers back with an uncomfortable shiver, pointedly ignoring the rest of what it said. Talking to Yamantaka always gives him goose bumps. The demon likes… graphic descriptions sometimes.

But whatever. They truly will see how it goes from here. 

For once he feels that there is more than one future ahead for him, and the possibilities are intoxicating. Honestly, it’s great!

\--

He waits to contact them again until his final exam is done with, so that he can invest in espionage fully. He calls the number for the Koumyou foundation as he walks home, having excused himself from Bon and Konekomaru under the pretence that he's making an appointment with a hairdresser.

They settle on a time the very next day. Renzou can't help but grin.

"You sure are excited about the hairdresser," Bon remarks sceptically when he joins back up with them.

“What can I say, I have big plans for my hair!” Renzou answers with a shit-eating grin.

"You know, Shima, if you were just setting up a date then just say it," Konekomaru sighs, " that way when she rejects you, Bon and I will already be mentally prepared for your endless whining."

"Wow, Konekomaru, that was actually super hurtful," Renzou whines, then turns to Bon, "did you hear what he just said? Do you think my love life is annoying? Do you disapprove of my suffering for the noble goal of finding someone to share my life with?"

"Fucks sake, shut up," Bon says, shoving at him, but it's all in good will, "yes, you're annoying. And you know it!" he accuses, pointing a finger at Renzou.

They joke some more but the other two don't ask what the phone call was again. Renzou smiles. He could get pretty good at misdirection this way.

When he shows up at the office the next day, Miko is once again waiting for him in the lobby. She smiles at him, but it's not that cute smile. More of a smug, knowing smirk.

"I knew you would make the right choice, Renzou-kun," she says before she starts to walk.

He's confused for a second - should he follow her? He looks at the receptionist helplessly and she rolls her eyes before tipping her head in the direction where Miko went. Yeah. Okay. He nods a quick thanks before setting off to catch up.

There is no smell this time, but otherwise it's the same eerily stark halls. Creepy.

"Did you know about the bug we set on you?" she asks, voice neutral.

Should he answer that truthfully? Is it a trick question?

/say yes. they know of me. and you don't want to seem incompetent. if they can wire you secretly, so can true cross. that makes you unworthy. /

"Uh, yeah," Renzou says, "couldn't help but notice that bit."

She just hums in response.

They enter the same bare-bones office. It is all as they left it. Well, almost. The cage where the snakes were is empty. Huh.

"Renzou-kun, we are willing to take you up as our own. But I'm sure you understand we don't trust pretty words. You'll have to prove yourself."

"I understand." Oh boy here we go. They’re gonna make him kill someone, aren’t they?

"Good," she says, clapping her hands together, "your first task starts now. You must deliver this," she points to the empty cage, "to here," she holds out an envelope. He takes it.

As he wrestles the envelope open, he can't help but wonder out loud, "Why's the cage empty? Last time there were snakes."

"It isn't empty," she says simply. He looks. And she's right, he hadn't seen it before, but there's a bloody knife at the bottom of the cage.

Renzou pauses.

"What's with the knife?"

"It's not a knife."

He has questions. He has so many questions. But he gets the feeling that she won't answer any of them. He just has to accept this. Whatever it is.

He pulls out the contents of the envelope. There's an address. But it's in fucking Imabetsu. He nearly chokes. That's on the other side of Japan!

His skin prickles. Miko is just watching him now, impassive.

"Uh… Is there a time limit?" he questions cautiously… maybe he can… figure this out.

She smirks, "I suggest you catch the nearest train you can."

Oh. Uh. Okay. That's an answer as much as it isn't one.

He reaches for the cage, pauses.

"Is there something I can cover this up with? I'll get stared at carrying a bloody knife in a cage."

Her smirk widens just a little, "don't worry about that. Just say it's an art installation," she eyes him up and down, "or a cosplay prop."

Renzou frowns. What if there's cops? But he doubts she'll budge. He just has to carry it as is and hope for the best.

He grabs the cage and straightens up. 

"I'll do my best to fulfil this task!" he says. 

As he's turned and heading for the door Miko speaks suddenly, " Ah, by the way. I don't recommend opening it."

Renzou freezes. "Huh?"

She smiles at him. "The cage. That's all now, you best get going."

Renzou almost shivers. He has a bad feeling about this. He looks down at the cage when he’s on the street. The knife stares back at him, motionless. There’s something off with it, there has to be. Unless Miko is just playing with his head.

The knife is the least of his worries, however.

On his way to the train station Renzou realises a very glaring fact. A train ride to Tokyo alone is a good 14 000 yen. He only has just enough for that because he saves a part of his allowance. So, he can get to Tokyo, but afterwards he’s all out of cash. How is he supposed to get to Imabetsu?

More concerning yet - how is he supposed to get _back_? He feels his anxiety spike. Tastes something bitter like bile at the back of his throat. They had to have _known_. The Myoo Dharani is just barely afloat, that’s a public fact. It’s gotten better since they joined True Cross, sure, but they’re not _wealthy_. 

They have to have known Renzou couldn’t afford going to fucking Imabetsu of all places. Might as well tell him to go to America.

‘It’s a test,’ a part of his brain supplies. It’s a test and he has to pass it. Renzou exhales shakily. Oh boy.

Standing on the platform waiting for the next train to Tokyo, he remembers something. He shoots a text.

[to father: don’t wait up for me tonight.]

(It feels good to hit send. So very good.)

It’s a combined seven-hour train ride in the most positive scenario. God help him if he misses any of the connections or if he gets lost in the stations. It’s uncomfortably likely. He’s never even been to Tokyo by himself.

The train signals the passengers to embark. Renzou ignores how his knees shake and gets on. 

Despite the nerves, he dozes off half an hour into the ride. The endless scenery gets boring after 20 minutes, and he doesn’t have anything better to do. He’s tucked the cage into his lap with his arms around it for safety, but that has been an unknowing mistake.

Renzou wakes groggily to something caressing his hands. His mind is fuzzy, his neck is stiff, and he can make out a blurry dark shape in the cage.

Huh!?

He blinks rapidly, and the shape comes into focus as an enormous spider. Renzou can’t even think past his first instinct, which is to throw the cage off him with a panicked yell. It lands with a loud clatter. The people on the train stare in shock.

Not at the cage with the huge spider though. At him. But he’s staring at the cage, now fallen on its side. The thing is as big as a cat and every bit as _hairy_. It turns to look at him with beady eyes. Almost laughing, if spiders can even do that.

For a brief Renzou wants to say fuck it. Wants to go back home and pretend this whole thing isn’t happening. His throat closes up at the sight of the thing. 

But… he asked for this, didn’t he? When he convinced father to let him be a spy? He knew it wouldn’t be easy. He knew it would get ugly. He should have been at least aware of the _possibility_ of bugs. He’s a fool.

“Young man, are you alright?” the lady across him asks. He blinks at her owlishly. No, he isn’t; there’s a fucking-

“You look like you had a bad dream,” she continues, “you dropped your cage,” she picks it up like it’s not a big deal. Holds it out for him to take back. He doesn’t want to. Like, _really_ doesn’t want to.

/she can’t see it, foolish boy. that’s a demon. /

Ah. Lucky her. The spider turns around to face the woman and warps into a black cat. There’s a sickly sound as it rearranges, skeleton turning outside-in, muscles growing in fleshy strips over it, followed by the skin. The sight is genuinely nauseating.

The cat hisses and spits at her. She doesn’t see. Renzou’s mind lights up in realisation - it’s a shapeshifter! Oh no, he’s heard about those and they are bad. _Oh no._

He manages a shaky smile and takes the cage back with a weak ‘thank you’ that he can’t hear over the cat’s yowls. But the lady hears it just fine.

He sets the cage on his lap daintily. The cat settles down immediately, turns its head around like an owl. Stares at him menacingly.

Renzou waits, fearful, for it to shift back into the bug. It doesn’t. But he _waits_. He knows it will. The cat purrs and lies down, still watching him. Enjoying his dread. _Feasting_ on it.

He surmises wearily that it is playing with him but is powerless to stop it. This will be a very long and very exhausting trip.

Finally, the train stops in Tokyo station. He has to figure out how to get a ticket, quickly, before the train to Hokuto leaves.

/it’s simple, boy. steal. i think it would come easily to you. / Yamantaka says. Renzou gulps, but that might just be his only option currently. Except he’s never pickpocketed anyone. He’s good at sneaking around people, but among them? Not so much. And in such close quarters to boot.

Still, he makes his way to the platform his train departs from, full of determination. He avoids looking at the cage, but in his peripheral vision he sees the mass that’s vaguely a cat writhe horribly with too many shiny limbs. Occasionally it chirps, entirely un-catlike, taunting him. His hands shake with the stress of it, his fear kicking in, threatening to take over his mind - he really really wants to drop the cage and maybe cry. Oh, woe, if only that were an option.

But that’s why this is a test, isn’t it? To see how strong his resolve is?

Ten minutes until the train departs. There’s people already waiting. He just needs one ticket. Just the one. How hard can it be?

He spies out the people. He doesn’t want to rob the elderly. He doesn’t want to rob a pretty girl and make her cry. That leaves the businessmen. But, ah, they’re kind of scary...

/summon me. i will help you. / yamantaka whispers. It sounds like a smile. Shivers down his spine. But it would help, surely, to have the demon as an accomplice. Renzou sighs, biting his lip.

‘Okay,’ he thinks, deciding on a victim. ‘I’ll give you my used ticket and you replace that guy’s ticket with it while I distract him.’

He takes a bolstering breath before chanting to summon the demon. He has very limited time with Yamantaka active. He hands the demon the used ticket and starts off for the unknowing bastard.

The plan is to ask him what time it is and maybe ask some directions to distract him but once he reaches the man, just as he opens his mouth - he feels his hands tingle, but like in a very _bad_ way. Feels something _wriggle_ under his sleeves.

 ** _Oh Fuck_** -

Horrified, he sees centipedes and shiny leeches crawling out through the bars of the cage, onto him. His stomach lurches and he screams, once again dropping the cage -

Right onto the man’s foot. The man drops his suitcase and papers, shouting angrily in pain - “What the hell is wrong with you, kid?!”

Except Renzou doesn’t hear him. He’s frantically taking off his jacket and trying to get the bugs off his arms. It doesn’t matter that he knows they aren’t real. The fear is stronger than any logical thought. He feels them on his skin. Tiny legs and slimy skin. His heart is about to jump out of his ribcage. He wails in dismay. There’s so many of them!

The man gives pause, taken aback by the obviously distressed kid wiping at his arms as if something is there. The anger at getting an empty cage dropped on his foot fades, replaced by apprehension and worry.

“Wh-what are you doing?” he asks. The kid doesn’t answer, seemingly not hearing him.

The man deems the situation too much and, after collecting his fallen belongings, flees to the other end of the platform.

Yamantaka burns the apparitions of bugs off with a dark laugh, /oh, stop your bawling, you child. right yourself and move on./

Renzou collapses onto his knees. That’s easy for Yamantaka to say, the big bastard. His skin feels numb from the flames. He’d teared up unknowingly and now wipes his wet eyes and snotty nose. Stupid shapeshifter. Stupid bugs. Stupid family. Stupid Koumyou foundation. Stupid Yamantaka. He wants home. He wants to crawl under his covers and hide, want to _sleep_. He’s so drained from the fear and from summoning the demon. 

What if he were to just pass out here? What’s the _worst_ that could happen?

/no. you picked this path. now walk it./ the demon chastises before it fades out of its own free will. The train ticket Renzou needs is right by his knees.

‘Well,’ he thinks ruefully, ‘if nothing else, I definitely distracted the man.’ Renzou chuckles darkly and wipes at his wet eyes again. This whole ordeal sucks ass. He doesn’t even want to look around to see how much attention he’s drawn to himself.

“Train 39, Tokyo to Hokuto, on rail four, now boarding” the overhead speakers pronounce. Renzou collects himself with the last of his strength and gets on. He plans to sleep the entirety of the four hours the ride takes. (If the shapeshifter doesn’t fuck with him anymore. He doesn't have the energy to summon Yamantaka a second time and would have to suck up whatever horrors the nasty thing can conjure up.)

He ties his jacket over the cage as best as he can and shoves it under the seat. Pulls his feet up on the seat just in case, ignoring the looks he receives for it. Falls asleep almost immediately after the conductor checks his ticket.

He awakes to noise, not sure how much later. A horrible, horrible yowling. Barking. Chitters and peeps. A cacophony of animal noises, all in pain or distress-

And the floor of the train wagon, crawling with cockroaches, a layer so thick you can’t see through it. Renzou pulls his feet up higher and immediately squeezes his eyes shut, suppressing a gag. He can’t even try to go back to sleep like this. He’s wide awake and panicking, heart-rate thrumming in his ears, a galloping rhythm. He can’t ignore those horrible _things_. 

By Fuck, this really is the worst. The damn shapeshifter is set on torturing him.

His eyes are squeezed shut, but he can still hear them under all the other terrible noises. Crawling, sliding over one another. Crunching against something. How can a single demon make this much noise? His heart hammers wildly. He’ll probably start crying again if he looks at them directly for too long.

Oh hell, how much longer will this ride take? 

He checks his phone. One more hour. One more hour of this. He’s not sure he can take it, can just barely hold it together right now. He’s tired, so very very tired. Curled up on a train seat, trying not to freak out (and failing) over an entirely fake swarm of cockroaches.

Why does knowing they’re not real not make it any easier? Why does he panic so badly? Oh, why why why? Why can’t he just have a normal fear response and not whatever _this_ is.

With shaking hands he opens up sudoku on his phone. Bon got rid of all his games the other day when they were studying, curse him, and Renzou hasn’t had the time to get them back.

He doesn’t even know how to _play_ sudoku. Fuck. There was something about the numbers not repeating in- in… in someplace. Oh, he can’t think. He places them at random and pretends it helps. (it doesn’t, not really.)

Renzou sniffles and wishes he had taken his earphones with him today. He could play some music. Drown all the noise out. But noooo he had to forget them in his bag. Stupid!

He squeezes his eyes shut at a particularly nasty bray that sounds like a goat dying, followed by crunching and squelching and that cursed _chittering_ \- He feels nauseous at the images it conjures in his mind. Dammit. 

Forty-five more minutes. Oh boy. Renzou tries his best to drown it all out for the rest of the ride to Okutsugaru-Imabetsu station. Rubs at his red-rimmed eyes and wipes at his snotty nose.

The other passengers have moved to sit further away from him, though they send an occasional worried glance in his general direction.

He can’t remember ever feeling so helpless, so hopelessly scared. This test is cruel. That’s all he can call it. _Needlessly_ cruel. 

But he did this to himself. He agreed. He egged father on until father agreed to let him have this. And for what? For sitting here terrified? For crawling back home, whimpering at having bit off more than he can chew?

He will never live this down if he gives up now, like he oh-so-badly wants to.

And so, he refuses to make this another mistake that the rest of the family can dangle over his head. He’ll have to bear with it. He’s gotten himself stuck between a rock and a hard place. There is no alternative here.

‘C’mon!’ he thinks, wiping at his face yet again, fruitlessly, ‘I can do this! I can!’

To prove father he’s good enough. To prove his brothers he’s not worthless - or a lost cause - or whatever else they might call him, only ever half-joking.

(To prove it to himself.) 

\--

He can’t do this. 

His stop is fast approaching, according to the schedule. He should be heading towards the exit. 

But there’s a problem.

 _They’re_ still there, as thick a swarm as before. He can’t possibly set his foot down on the floor with _them_ there… can he? Surely there must be a limit to how much he can be forced to endure in one day.

/it doesn’t matter if you’re scared. you have to do it. that’s the mission. / Yamantaka’s voice sounds distant and fuzzy, and it makes his vision swim a bit. He’s nowhere near recovered if even this has him on the brink of fainting.

/perhaps if you paid attention at training you’d know what to do, stupid boy. / it’s sneering, condescending. (It doesn’t hurt anymore; his skin far too tough for words to wound him-) And, whoaa, his vision actually turns black for a bit. He’s so lightheaded he can’t see straight. The noises of the shapeshifter blur into a single drone for a second before splitting into every separate horrible sound.

“Stop that,” he half whispers, half moans at the demon. He’s not sure which one.

Silence from Yamantaka. Ah, but maybe… maybe it has a point?

What has father been trying to teach him? The seals and chants blur together in his mind. Bits of one melding into another. Mantras caught on the cusp of his conscious mind, teetering on the edge of recollection. But it's never enough. He can’t recall a single incantation fully.

It’s not Renzou's fault father is a shit teacher and he can’t focus when he goes on and on about stupid shit like honour and responsibility instead of something actually useful. 

The overhead speakers announce the stop. _His_ stop. Oh, think, Renzou, _think, damn it!!_

His mind lights up with a memory that feels like a fever dream - a fire seal Bon had learned from the High Priest and showed off to Renzou and Konekomaru, it was very simple and had stuck in his head just as well as everything father taught him _hadn’t_.

He chants it and a flame flickers from his palms into a dazzling arc. The bugs shy away from it with indignant chirps, clearing a part of the floor, and- and he can put his foot down, thank god, he can - he can get off! He can do this! 

Perhaps he didn’t actually believe he would succeed until this very moment.

Renzou laughs - half victorious, half manic - and grabs the cage and races off the train as quickly as his worn-out body will let him. Just in time, too. The door shuts behind him.

He sighs in relief, but it’s half a sob. The fiery arc sputters out once his focus is broken. The cage with the _menace_ is quiet. It better stay that way. He’s at the end of his rope here.

Only one more connection to get to where he needs. Only one more. This is the final stretch. He laughs again. The oppressive atmosphere of the train has evaporated. He feels rejuvenated.

(He feels hollow and brittle and incredibly unstable. It’s a strange combination.)

Renzou doesn’t even bother with a ticket this time. He sneaks aboard the train and hides in the on-board toilet for the whole sixteen minutes it takes to get to the center of Imabetsu.

Thankfully, none of the conductors catch him and he steps off unscathed and un-fined. He takes a deep breath of the fresh air. The sun has just set, and the dark is creeping up.

Well, he’s made it this far, all that’s left is to find the address.

...Which is harder than he assumed. There's not really a lot of landmarks or people to ask for directions. And the street signs are all falling into darkness with each minute, and thus hard to make out.

The cage rattles viciously as he wanders about. He tries to ignore it. He’s tired from the endless panicking. It doesn't stop his heart from hammering away though, and the way his weary state of mind clashes with his frantic heartbeat makes it feel like he's continuosly a few seconds from keeling over. (It’s… not fun, to say the least.)

Oh, if only he had a map. If only he had better reception and could look the address up.

But he has neither. 

He's starting to feel desperate and hopeless again. Every street looks the same. He's cold without his jacket. He's starving after having only breakfast and incredibly thirsty and exhausted from the whole deal with the shapeshifter and travelling and… he really wants a nap. He yawns, coming to a square he swears he was just in. The streetlights come on at last as the final rays of sunlight slip over the edge of the horizon.

None of the street names make sense. The characters blur together. Renzou rubs at his face. This really shouldn't be as hard or frustrating as it is. 

Something screams in the cage, startling him into dropping it with a loud ‘ _clang!_ ’. Oh, for the love of-

His lip wobbles, "Shut up!" he exclaims at the thing, voice breaking miserably, "if anyone should be screaming right now, it's me! You shut the fuck up for now or I'll-" he'll what? What can he do? Exorcise it? Ha! He doesn't know how!

Renzou lets out a growl/groan of frustration.

"Just shut up," he says again, much weaker, "please shut up until I get you to- the wherever this is-" he waves the paper with address vaguely.

But of course 'shut up' to a demon means 'go ahead and make as much noise as you possibly can', which seems to be what the thing is doing now.

It sounds like cicadas and grasshoppers and hornets all at once. It makes his skin crawl, and makes him panic, but thankfully the cage is still covered so the apparitions can't get out. He does _not_ want a repeat of the cockroaches. Anything but a repeat of the cockroaches.

Coming to yet another crossroads that looks like all the others, he stops. Renzou stares listlessly at his feet for a moment, utterly miserable and frustrated. 

He wonders - what did he do to deserve this? What kind of grave sin did he commit?

(His biggest sin is being alive while Take- no. Don't _go there_.)

His hands shake as he starts walking again. He'll find the address eventually if he just keeps walking, right?

And so Renzou wanders for what feels like hours. How is there not a single person out? This is ridiculous. It’s a damn ghost town.

He's alone and lost and- and scared in a strange city on the other side of the country. Really really cold. Really really hungry.

This is pretty much the worst day of his life. And he’s had days where he’s been stuck with Kinzou the whole time, so that’s quite a feat.

Renzou laughs because he doesn't want to cry again. But it's not a nice laugh. It's hollow and dark. Raw.

He can’t feel the tip of his nose or his fingertips, and his feet hurt from all the damn walking. Still, it’s not like he can just _stop_.

\--

He wanders through empty Imabetsu, and at one point the streetlights die and the streets themselves are plunged into darkness. The only illumination is from the moon, painting everything strange and blue.

Renzou is afraid. Not the simple fright of being caught unaware. Not the fulminant fear he feels when there's a bug. This one is more like how he feels when he's done something bad and it's just a matter of time until father finds out and punishes him. The gnawing, creeping fear that rots the mind, slow and insidious.

He knows, logically, it hasn't been a full day yet but he feels like he's been afraid _forever_. 

The scenery, or what he can make out of it, doesn't help - the buildings have gaping black voids for doors and windows where the moonlight can't reach in. And if he uses the flashlight on his phone it feels worse because having a patch of light makes everything else that much darker. 

And so - he prefers the moonlight.

To make matters worse, the noises of the demon in the cage echo throughout the city, coming back distorted and it’s hard to tell at moments if it’s even the same noise or... _something else_ entirely.

This city is not quiet and peaceful. It feels malevolent. Like it wants to hurt him.

'I'm just all worked up and that's why it feels like that,' Renzou tries to assure himself. (And yet he remains unassured.)

After an undetermined amount of time - but long enough that even the demon has tired from making noise and has been quiet for a while - he walks down a featureless street. And it feels just like the ten featureless streets before it.

But then - he sees it. The red-hot cherry of a lit cigarette, moving in the dark as someone smokes. He almost sobs, walking up to it.

"Excuse me," his voice breaks on it. He clears his throat, "Excuse me. Could you help me with directions? I'm lost."

The cherry moves to the side and down. He can't see the person, not even their silhouette, the buildings block out the moon. The street is just a wide, pitch-black void.

"How'd you get lost out so late? It's dangerous," the voice of a man says.

"I was supposed to make a delivery as soon as possible. But I- I've never been here before, so I got lost," Renzou tries to explain.

"Oh, I see. I'm not a local, but I can try and point you in the right direction," the man says, and it sounds like he's smiling, "where do you have to go?"

Renzou opens his mouth to say it, but- 

his exhausted mind has forgotten the address. He sets the cage down gently so that he can dig around for his phone to shine a light on the paper-

the demon yips and snarls and buzzes terribly as it is disturbed. Renzou ignores it, too tired at this point.

"What is that? Do you have an animal with you?" the man asks.

Renzou freezes, "you can hear it?"

"Of course I can, it's so loud that-" he goes quiet.

Renzou doesn't even know what to say in this situation. The man can _hear it_...

The man starts "You, ah. Who are you doing this delivery for?"

Renzou gulps and wills himself to not get too excited lest he be disappointed.

"I was sent by the Koumyou foundation," he says.

The man laughs. Light and humorous and strangely soft. Renzou’s glares in the direction of the voice. ‘Glad at least someone is having fun today,’ he thinks bitterly.

"Say, was the address 258, Nishita street, by any chance?"

It… it sounds right, Renzou realises, but still shines a quick light over the paper to confirm it.

"Yes," he says, disbelieving. It's very hoarse. Oh fuck, he _finally_ found it.

“Aha, you must be Renzou-kun, then,” the man says in the same light tone.

“Yes,” his voice is full of barely suppressed emotions.

“Well, Renzou-kun,” there’s a spark and the man’s face is illuminated by a lighter. It’s a kind, friendly face from what he can make out, “My name is Todou Saburota. I must say, I had all but given up hope on you arriving. What a pleasant surprise. Come on and follow me.”

The man turns but holds the lighter up so that Renzou can easily make out where he's headed. They go into an alley he had not seen, up to a door with a single stained-glass pane through which a muddled blue light shines.

The man knocks, and Renzou can make out a muffled “Who’s there?”

The man answers, “It’s Saburota, back from my smoke break. And the new recruit just arrived too!”

The door opens and light floods the alley; it’s blinding. Renzou squints at the silhouette in the doorway.

“At two thirty in the morning?” the previously muffled voice asks, incredulous. It’s a lady. She’s backlit so Renzou can’t see her face but he feels her dubious gaze parse him over.

Saburota laughs again, strangely melodic, “Yeah. He said he got lost,” then he turns, gesturing for Renzou to enter, “come on in, you must be tired after that trip.”

‘Oh,’ Renzou thinks as he enters, grateful to be out of the chill and dark, ‘you have no idea.’

\--

The first thing that happens is someone takes away the shapeshifter demon and Renzou gets his jacket back. The lightness he feels as he sees the thing, now a crow raging against the bars of the cage, being hauled away by a panicked looking man, is nothing short of _ecstasy_. 

A weight off his shoulders. No more bugs! He might just cry!

He puts the jacket on. The chill of the night clings tightly to his skin. He rubs at his arms to try and disperse it to no avail.

"You look terrible," Saburota says suddenly. He's leaning against the wall, watching. The frames of his glasses make it hard to discern his eyes at this distance. And yet… Renzou feels as if he’s seen him before? But where?

"I've, uh…" how is he supposed to reply to that? Oh, Yeah I've just had to live through my worst bug related nightmares and considerable physical discomfort- "It's been… a rough ride…" he settles on.

"Ahh, I see," Saburota replies, entirely too cheery, “It must have been tough.” Pause. "Say, Renzou-kun, you’re cold from all that wandering around without a jacket. Would you like some tea?"

That sounds like the best thing ever right about now. Let there be snacks too, he hasn't eaten since… the previous morning, he supposes.

"Yes. Please."

"Come on into my study, then. I have a nice blend of ginseng tea - that's just what you need after a ride like that." Renzou likes the sounds of his voice - it’s soothing, lulling. He needs something like that right now.

The study is much like the office at Koumyou foundation, as in, it looks barely used and freshly furnished. Renzou wonders if it's actually a stylistic choice or… if these are just temporary locations for them.

What odd thoughts branch off from that one-

But Saburota rummages around confidently enough that it’s clear he’s acquainted with the room. Renzou shoves the thoughts back. First things first - he’s been promised tea!

Saburota pulls out an electric pot to boil some water. He’s humming some song - it's popular, Renzou's heard it before but can't quite recall it. The man has a nice singing voice - he doesn’t hit all the notes and it’s obvious he’s not trying too hard right now, but it’s grounding, nonetheless.

Renzou relaxes into the chair. It’s soft, comfortable. Warm. He feels... safe. Why does it feel weird to feel safe? Yes, today has been bad, but not that bad - right?

Soon enough a warm aroma fills the room and Saburota places a cup in front of him. Renzou picks it up gratefully. His body greedily sucks up the warmth of the cup. Renzou takes a sip after blowing on it. Usually he doesn’t like tea that much but currently it might as well be ambrosia.

“I added some sugar and lemon, hope you don’t mind,” Saburota says over the rim of his own cup, eyes crinkled in a light-hearted smile behind his glasses.

“It’s fine,” Renzou assures. He’d be fine with most things right about now.

“You’re pretty tough, I must say,” Todou says after a while of them both sipping in silence, “not everyone can complete that task.”

Renzou pauses. Looks up. Did he hear that right?

"Oh, don't look so surprised! You already knew we recruit others," Todou goes on. "It's a hard test, yeah," he draws strange, whirling shapes on the table absentmindedly, "but if you pass, then we know that we can count on you."

Todou looks up, into Renzou's eyes. It’s a compelling, binding kind of gaze. Slightly intimidating, seemingly at odds with his soft countenance. Renzou finds he can’t quite look away. 

" _I_ know we can count on you," Saburota says, softly but with conviction. (Renzou's heart is hammering wildly.) "So I want you to do something for me, as a sign of good faith."

The man leans forward, conspiratory. A mischievous smile on his face. "You see, I am a spy as well. Embedded deep within True Cross, and I even work closely with your temple! We might have met at some point. However," he takes on a slightly more serious tone, "you are forbidden from telling _them_ that, alright? They think of me as a loyal _dog_ , and I would like to keep it that way."

Renzou's mind is rushing. He swallows. That’s… that’s a lot, isn’t it? Such important information and… he’s not even fully one of them yet. Saburota… really has that much faith in him? Renzou feels touched.

"Will you do that for me, Renzou-kun?"

It's enough to make his throat tighten. Renzou has trouble remembering the last time someone said that they have full faith in him. It's only ever 'you're not good enough, you should try harder to earn your place, to earn what has been entrusted to you- ' or silence. (Is he really such a bad kid? Such a bad brother? Does he really never try hard enough?)

It's a nice change, to say the least. (He should feel bad for thinking that. He should feel terrible. He doesn't.)

He remembers belatedly that he should respond. 

"You can count on me," he says, a little horrified and oddly pleased to find that he _means_ it. Fuck it. He likes this guy.

Saburota smiles ever wider, showing off gleaming teeth, " You remind me a lot of my younger self," he says, “ I was the black sheep of the family. My best was just barely enough to get by. But turns out it wasn’t my fault, I just needed some support. Renzou-kun, having people you can count on to be on your side is _so important_ in life. I want you to know that.”

Ah, but… there was something there, in Saburota’s expression. Just a flash, Renzou almost missed it, but it disappeared too fast to make it out. But it… felt wrong. Felt cold and hard… that’s not right.

Renzou eyes the man and - Saburota’s just so _smiley_ and _friendly_. Maybe it was a trick of the light. Must’ve been.

There's quiet for a moment as they both sip their tea, but it's interrupted when Renzou's stomach growls.

"Oh!" Saburota exclaims as the boy's face flushes red in embarrassment, "Renzou-kun, I'm so sorry, you must be hungry! Do you want something to eat?"

All dignity is out the window, "I wouldn't refuse something to eat… it's been a while since breakfast…"

"Breakfast?" the man questions, eyes widening. "You mean you haven’t eaten all day? That’s no good for a growing boy! Let me handle it, just a moment," and then he leaves the room for a few incredibly long minutes.

The room feels much larger and colder when Renzou’s the only person in it. He is bit by the sensation of being alone... He feels… defenceless. He wants Saburota to come back quicker.

Which is funny, because at home he usually wants nothing more than some peace and quiet in an empty room. What is this?

He startles at the sound of the door opening, “Come, Renzou-kun, we have something to eat in the kitchen!”

And so Renzou follows, keeping closely behind. On second look, this place looks a little more lived in than the office in Kyoto. There’re a few photos on the walls, even, - posters of old movies and framed clippings from foreign newspapers. The paint is old and chipping, the floorboards creak with long use.

The first thing he notes when entering the kitchen is the wonderful smells of various dishes, and the second is how full the table is.

“Yeah, sorry it’s not much to choose from, but I did what I could, considering the time,” Saburota explains sheepishly, scratching his neck.

“You mean that… this is less than usual for you?” Renzou asks, dumbfounded. Being raised in the Myou Dha, he knows little of luxurious food. Most meals in his life are rice and some side-dishes, with an occasional feast with some beef or pork. What he sees in front of him is... a lot more than he is used to. And Saburota calls it _not much_?

Renzou is curious as to what the man eats on the regular.

“It’s mostly today’s leftovers… a bunch of the staff are away so there’s more of those than usual, but it’s nowhere near the lunch spread, haha,” Saburota continues, moving to sit down and putting some yakisoba on a plate. Renzou sits down opposite him, dumbfounded by the options.

“Go on, eat!” Todou encourages, smiling. 

Renzou’s stomach growls. It all smells so good. It’s weird, being offered this while he knows back at the temple they probably had a plain meal, as usual.

But… it doesn’t have to be bad. He deserves a little bit of luxury after the day he’s had. Deserves some red meat. Some delicately prepared sweets. Some foreign looking, beautiful dishes. 

These foods that dance over his taste-buds enticingly… who is he to resist such an indulgence?

Renzou fills his plate and enjoys every bite he takes. It all tastes amazing. Probably more so because of how hungry he is, but that’s not important. He refills his plate several times, trying out the various dishes.

“You have quite an appetite,” Todou remarks eventually, smiling at him, face propped up on a palm. He’s eaten the yakisoba and is nursing a glass of seltzer, nothing else. He’s obviously not as hungry as Renzou, more likely eating for the sake of company.

Renzou is so full he’s almost nauseous. Probably not the best idea to stuff himself like that after starving, but, well - what’s done is done!

“Yeah,” he answers, “not always, but - yeah.”

“Considering the day you had, you need all the energy you can get,” Saburota says with a laugh. Then, he looks at his wristwatch, “I was supposed to send you off further to meet Homare who’ll be your direct superior for the foreseeable future, but it’s looking a little late for that. How about you sleep for a bit here and then go meet her tomorrow?”

The idea of a bed definitely speaks to him right now.

“Oh, uh, yeah. It’d be nice to get some sleep,” he agrees.

“Great, I’ll take you to a room,” the man smiles. Renzou makes to carry his dirty dishes to the sink, but Saburota waves him off, “Just leave the plate as is, I’ll take care of it.”

They walk through a couple more corridors until they come to a staircase. They go up a couple of flights, and Renzou sees glimpses of the floors they pass - all identical, all empty-looking. Unlike the bottom floor, the walls are empty and look freshly renovated. On one floor he hears thumping, but Todou says nothing so Renzou doesn’t mention it, but it unsettles him a little. Could he sneak back down later and try and find out what it is? Probably not, he’s too tired.

Finally, they stop on a floor and Todou leads him down a few halls - and these are like the bottom floor, well-lived in and tastefully decorated - to a door.

“You can sleep here,” he says, opening it to reveal a simple bedroom.

“Thank you,” Renzou says, entering it. Todou stays at the door, “find me after you’ve had some rest, okay?”

“Alright, I will,” he says, and a yawn escapes him. 

Todou chuckles, “Don’t fall asleep on your feet! Goodnight, Renzou-kun,” and then he closes the door. His footsteps recede down the hall.

Alone again. But he’s too tired to feel alone or scared. He just wants sleep.

Surprisingly enough, the room is connected to a bathroom with toiletries. He washes the sweat and grime of the day off his skin in a well-earned and brushes his teeth. Hot water does wonders. Relaxes his tightly-wound muscles. Clears away the miasma of fear. Leaves him feeling clean and _good_.

Drowsy and already half-asleep, he flops onto the bed, crawls under the blanket with the last of his strength. It’s the most comfortable bed ever, and the bedding is soft, freshly-washed cotton. He nuzzles into it. It’s perfect.

‘This is so much nicer than rooming with two annoying brothers,’ he thinks, mind vague, ‘perhaps I could get used to this.’ and then he falls into a deep sleep.

\--

Renzou wakes in a cold sweat, falling off of the bed. He’s half-tangled in the blanket and attempts, frantically, to get it off.

The contents of the dream have already left him but his skin still crawls. He feels dizzy. Faint. Nauseous.

He has no idea what time it is, there are no windows and no clocks. How long did he even sleep? His head aches horribly, like someone stuffed it full of cotton and then punched him in the face.

Bleary, he stumbles into the bathroom to wash his face with cold water. Looks at himself in the mirror. He’s sickly pale, his eyes bloodshot and puffy.

He sees black fire on the shoulder of his reflection before he hears Yamantaka speak /finally awake, boy? get ready and look for todou. your task waits. /

He’s just out of it enough that he doesn’t want to argue or question. Renzou hums in acknowledgement and starts cleaning himself up. The demon’s maw opens in a morbid parody of a smile, pleased that he’s listening to it.

Soon enough he is dressed and out the door, on his way to-

Saburota never told him _where_ to find him. Okay, that’s a mild inconvenience, but Renzou’s got this.

First up, he searches the first floor. The office from yesterday is locked, and there’s not a single sound coming from it. Odd. Renzou through every unlocked room, searching. But there’s no sign of the man. In fact, there’s no sign of anyone anywhere. The whole place is deserted with no signs of life. Something at the back of his mind itches.

Second up, he slowly climbs through all the floors. Walks down the halls, trying to find someone - anyone - to no avail. All the doors are locked. (He can, theoretically, pick the locks. It’s one of the many skills he’d learned during his two-week training. But he feels like he shouldn’t. It’s all too… weird.) Everything is quiet. No voices, no footsteps, no thumps. He feels a creeping dread settle in his stomach. Is this some kind of trap? Do they know he’d agreed to spy for Sir Pheles? He looks into the crooks and crevices, half-expecting something to look back at him - or surveillance cameras.

Third up, he reaches the top-most floor. It is an attic. Mostly empty, but with filing boxes, just standing there. Renzou looks around - are they watching him? Is this a human experiment? He definitely _feels_ watched. The labels on the boxes are in English - he knows the letters but not the words - his grasp on the language is pretty good, but he’s never seen them before. He itches to open them but hesitates, in case that gets him in trouble. The walls seem like they are moving in closer out of the corner of his eyes, but when he turns they’re where they should be.

A little unnerved, he decides to go down and search for people a second time. Maybe they were out for- something- the first time and have come back? He’s sure they wouldn’t appreciate him snooping around too much.

The halls are just as empty the second time. He finds the whole thing wrong. All the lights are on, but there’s no one there. There were a bunch of people last night, where could they have gone?

They have to be doing it on purpose… but why?

Then, as he’s walking through one of the rooms, he notices something - scuffmarks on the floor. The kind that get left behind by a door that’s hung too low. Except there’s no door there. Renzou is immediately drawn to it. He runs his hands over the wall and then notices it. Very slight and well-hidden, but there’s a gap where two surfaces connect. There’s a _hidden door_.

He peers around again. Still no people. And he sees no cameras.

‘Yamantaka,’ he thinks, ‘can you feel something?’

/i can only sense what you sense, unless you summon me./ the demon responds. Of course it would never help when he wants it, but constantly butts in when he doesn’t ask.

Damn it. Renzou chews on the inside of his cheek in contemplation. He doesn’t want to summon the demon. Surely he can-

As he runs his hand along the hidden seam, something catches with a click. The hidden door opens up by itself. Renzou is immediately overcome with horror - what if someone sees? He doubts he’s supposed to be there!

The situation worsens as he sees Saburota standing within the passage the door opens to. He feels himself pale, ready to spew up an excuse-

“Oh, Renzou-kun, you found me!” the man exclaims, clapping his hands together with glee, “ and it took you,” he glances at his watch, “thirty seven minutes and twenty six seconds. Not the best, sure, but also not bad!”

“I, uh, what?”

“Sorry,” the man says, not looking apologetic, “but we wanted to gauge you. You passed the first test nicely, but we still have to know how you react in certain situations. Helps with the psychological profiling.”

It feels like his stomach falls out. Did he do anything that could make them doubt him? Did he fuck up at any point? He can’t ask that, and he can’t read it from Saburota’s placid little smile.

“Come with me,” the man says, and Renzou follows, mind replaying everything that happened since he left the room feverishly. He didn’t give himself away, did he?

“Just between you and me,” Saburota whispers conspiratorially once they’re shoulder-to-shoulder, “good on you for not opening any _strange documents_ you found about. The higher-ups hate it when someone gets too nosey. A man who knows when to ask questions and when to keep quiet is _invaluable_.”

Renzou chuckles weakly at the veiled threat, but his skin feels cold. Funny thing, luck. Looks like he’ll be needing a lot of it in the future.

(Oh man, he’ll have to be so careful. So very, very careful about everything. It's incredibly scary but also incredibly _thrilling_.)

They reach a spacious room. There’s loads of equipment hanging from the walls - weapons, hooks, all sorts of contraptions he doesn’t even know the name of.

“Now, about what we want from you, Renzou-kun,” Saburota starts, “not much will change in your everyday life, at least for now. You will just go to school, as usual, and report back if something odd happens - Homare can explain that more deeply. You won’t need much in the way of equipment, except for these,” he holds up a phone and a key.

“This,” he gestures with the phone, “will ensure encrypted communication with us. And this,” he gestures with the key, “will give you some mobility. Trains aren’t nearly as fast and easy to use as magic keys. We’ll cover yesterday’s travel expenses, by the way. That was quite a trip, especially with your background.”

That last bit stings a little, but Renzou tries not to react to the dig at their financial status.

“You only really need to cover the ride to Tokyo. I got the rest of the way here without paying,” Renzou admits with a slightly stiff smile.

Saburota pauses, eyes widening, then his smile tilts, turns more smirk-like, “Oh, I _like_ you, Renzou-kun.”

Renzou smiles back. “So do I use that key to get to this Homare?”

“Hah, yes,” Saburota says, obviously pleased at his cleverness, “Or, well, I use the key to get us both to Homare, because you can’t travel to places you’ve never been to with it.”

Renzou isn’t completely foreign to the concept. He’s seen father and Uwabami and his brothers use magical keys, but he’s never used one himself. Like, it looks like just inserting the key into a lock gets you where you want, but… he’s wary of assuming these things are so simple. “How does it work?”

“Oh, you just… sort of put it in a door and think really hard of where you want to go.”

Ah. Well then, scratch that.

“Sucks that you can’t go to places you haven’t been,” Renzou notes, “I would totally go to like, Europe or something. Try some cheese and wine or whatever they eat there.”

Saburota chuckles, “Yeah, I understand where you’re coming from, but I don’t recommend using it too carelessly, Renzou-kun. We keep track of who uses the key and where they go. Wouldn’t want you to get in trouble.”

That’s… ominous. But a good warning. He’ll have to keep that in mind.

Saburota hands him the phone. It looks normal but weighs a lot less than his. (...which is probably to be expected. His phone is almost a fossil and most often it’s a wonder the thing works at all) He pockets it.

“Well then, shall we?” Saburota asks, gesturing. Renzou nods. They head over to the supply closet door, and when it opens, they enter an office.

It’s spacious and well-lit, and there’s a lady sitting at the desk. She has a streak of white in her hair, similar to Todou, which Renzou finds interesting for the five seconds before he reads the plaque on the desk - Adeptus Major Todou Homare. He guesses Adeptus Major is the rank. And that her having the same last name as Saburota means they’re related somehow.

“Homare, this is the recruit from the Shima family,” Saburota says, receiving a nod.

“Yes, I’ve been expecting him. You may leave, Saburota-san,” she says with almost no inflection, not looking up from whatever paperwork she’s doing.

Now alone with her, Renzou stands awkwardly. He doesn’t know if he should say something or wait for her to do it. Shifts from one foot to the other. At one point he even opens his mouth to try and talk but re-thinks it immediately. 

He hates this kind of straight-faced, serious people. They never appreciate puns or wise cracking. He’s known her for a total of under ten minutes and already knows this working relationship will be painful. Oof.

Finally, she puts down her pen and places the papers into a folder, and the folder into a drawer. Her desk is very clean, with only the bare minimum on it.

“Renzou-san,” she starts, and he startles a little, “I’ll show you around now. Follow.”

She walks in a perfect march. Ram-rod straight and rigid, “We are the Illuminati, and you are our recruit. The fact that you are here now means that Saburota-san has deemed you worthy of joining us. You will be our eyes and ears in True Cross, albeit not the only ones,” she says. Still with just the barest of intonation, as if she’s reading off a list.

“This is our Sōma base of operations and where you will report to me if you have reason to believe the secure channel of communications has been tampered with, which hopefully won’t happen. We have multiple bases in Japan and abroad. You will not be made aware of any of them unless necessary.”

They’re walking down a hall, and the walls are naked concrete, and everything smells like disinfectant. He sees people - in uniform - patrolling by. And science-y-looking people in lab coats with folders and notes bustling by occasionally. So, the Illuminati… is doing research, but the question is - what kind?

“All our bases are split into two parts - the general and the research. These halves are clearly delineated. You are not allowed to enter the research half without my or a different superior’s permission.”

She says as they pass by a door which, obviously, leads to this so-called research half. There are guards.

“Oh, what kind of research do you, uh, I mean- we - do?” he asks. 

“Classified.” she answers simply,” Now, you won’t be on-site a lot, but when you are, I suggest you don’t wander about. I know you teens are all curious, but if you get into trouble, you _will_ be punished accordingly.”

Her voice turns even steelier on ‘punished’, so he knows that she’s dead serious. Alright, so… he has to be very careful indeed to not get caught, because of course he’ll be sneaking about during his limited ‘on-site’ time.

“The phone you were given has my contact, saved as ‘H’. You can send both text or audio briefings. Information should be sent at the earliest convenience after an event of interest has happened. Do not wait a week after the fact; the more fresh it is, the more important for us to know.”

“Oh, but how will I know what information is important? I get the feeling your and my interpretation of the word are different,” Renzou says, scratching at the back of his neck. 

“I have prepared a reading material that explains that; you will read it and memorise it, and then destroy it so that no one else can read it. Similarly, you will keep the phone secret and locked with a pass-code at all times when you aren’t using it, and change the pass-code regularly.”

Renzou wonders how strictly she’ll be ensuring he does all of that. It sounds like a hassle, to be honest. He’ll probably never change the code and will just hide it under his mattress. She has no way of knowing.

“You will also check the phone regularly for any assignments. We might require you to join field missions if we are short on staff, and you are expected to report on-base when that happens as soon as possible.”

“Field missions? Oh, but I-uh. I don’t have any field experience,” he says, worried.

She stops abruptly, turns about to face him, “I am under the impression that you have at least some combat training,” she raises an eyebrow, challenging,” That will do for a start. I think you’ll find that experience is quickly gained on-field.”

“Yes,” he says meekly, under her piercing gaze. She raises both eyebrows now, unamused.

“Yes, ma’am?” he tries. She nods, turns, and starts walking again.

Then she shows him the amenities - the dining hall, the training rooms, the barracks - they have a room for him (it’s small, but just for him! No sharing necessary! He’s always wanted his own, private room. God.) even though he won’t get to use it much. There’s also a gym and a pool, which - nice! - Renzou really wants to try out.

Honestly, Homare’s cute when she’s not being directly scary at him. In a bookish, professional kind of way. He doubts she would like to hear that though, and fears that she’d misinterpret any compliments as misconduct or disrespect. Very wisely, he keeps his mouth shut.

At the end, they go back to Homare’s office.

“So, do you have any questions, Renzou-san?” she asks, having sat down.

He has a few horrible pick-up lines that would fit in wonderfully here. It takes all his self-control to not say any of them. “No, ma’am.”

She hums thoughtfully. “Well, alright. You might get them later, though. You know how to contact me.”

Then she opens up one of the drawers, sifts through it until she finds a folder.

“This is your briefing about what kind of information we expect you to gather, as well as all the protocols and rules of conduct you must know. Remember - memorise everything and then destroy it,” she says, holding it out for him to take.

He doesn’t like the thickness of the folder at all. Or the weight. Oh boy, that is a lot of reading. He’d skip it, but sadly this is the kind of situation he _can’t_. He cries on the inside a little bit.

“Yes, ma’am, will do!” he says, trying to smile. Her deeply unamused face makes it hard, but he manages.

“Then you are free to return home for now,” she says, turning to her computer and pulling out some more paperwork, “feel free to use this door.”

“Alright, thank you,” he says. Pulls the key from his pocket. Oh god he’s doing it, he’s traveling with awesome magic keys. This is so cool, oh, if only he could tell Bon and Konekomaru!

Where should he go? He feels like going straight into his house might cause unnecessary questions, so he opts for something a little farther but still within walking distance.

He inserts the key into the lock and thinks of the cafe not far from the temple, the one with the really tasty pastries, and the key turns by itself with a loud click. With shaking hands, he opens the door just a crack and - sees the cafe.

He turns back to look at Homare - and she’s watching him, somehow looking both neutral-disapproving and exasperated. She raises an eyebrow in a silent ‘well?’

God this is so fucking awkward. He waves at her weakly, “Uh, goodbye? I’ll be in contact.”

She nods, but doesn’t say anything. Okay. 

Renzou exits the room and enters the cafe.

Unfortunately for him, the cafe door is made of glass and the cashier had been looking at just that moment and now is eyeing him with what can only be described as confused horror. He smiles at him reassuringly, but it doesn’t seem to help. 

Rather than face this trouble, he exits the cafe and power-walks away. A few blocks further, he stops. The realisation that he’d just been accepted into the illuminati - something no one has achieved until now - sinks in. Sir Pheles will _love_ to hear it.

Oh, he’s really in it now. It’s even more exhilarating than he thought it’d be. It’s also a lot harder and more stressful in the moments where they scrutinise him, but somehow he doesn’t mind. Overall, the pros outweigh the cons. He grins wildly and all but skips home.

He doesn’t run into anyone all the way from the entrance to the grounds to the room he shares with Kinzou and Juuzou. Using this opportunity, he stashes the briefing folder and the phone.

He realises belatedly that it’s just about time for dinner and he hasn’t eaten all day, again. The hunger kicks in immediately even though he wasn’t hungry before he realised the time.

He saunters down to the dining room to find everyone already eating. Juuzou spots him first.

“Renzou, you’re back!” he exclaims, and then everybody looks.

“Wait, you were gone?” Kinzou asks. Wow, he’s so oblivious it hurts sometimes.

“Where were you?” Yumi asks.

“I stayed over at a friend’s,” he lies easily.

“You can do that? Mom and dad never let me!” she whines.

“Father let me because I’m graduating,” he says, sticking his tongue out. Everyone at the table looks to father. Their parents are pretty strict about spending too much time away from the temple with the ‘normal’ people, so of course it seems odd.

Father looks at Renzou, searching his face with a growing apprehension. He can’t tell whether Renzou is telling the truth or using him as cover for something none of them are allowed to talk about and it’s visibly hard on him.

A sadistic little part of Renzou laughs gleefully. Outwards, he bunches his brows in a pleading expression at father to nudge him a little.

“Yes,” father says eventually, slow like he’s tasting the word, “he asked me the other day. It’s his last year in middle school, he might as well stay with a friend that isn’t one of the Myou Dha once. No big deal,“ he smacks his lips as if they’re dry, ” now, enough questions. Come eat, Renzou.”

It looks like that hurt to say. He shoots father a thankful expression all the while cackling inside. Oh, he _loves_ this!

Juuzou and Kinzou both look at him, questioning. They aren’t quite buying it, but they’re confused that father would go along if Renzou _is_ lying. Renzou gives away nothing, smiling serenely as he chews on a mouthful of plain rice and grilled fish. Oh, he wants to go back already... 

His brothers also shoot questioning glances at father that are promptly ignored. It only makes Renzou smile wider.

They try questioning him again after dinner, but the queries are easy to dodge and misdirect. Eventually they grow frustrated at his lack of forthcomingness and stop. They don’t seem convinced about the staying-at-a-friend’s cover story, but they have no foot to stand on when there’s only so many facts.

When he goes to the bathroom to wash up in the evening, he takes his regular phone with him. The bathroom is one of the only rooms in the house that has walls thick enough to not be heard through, so it’s the best location for the call he needs to make.

“Guten Abend,” the voice of Sir Pheles greets him after a few rings, “do you have any good news for me today, my boy?”

“Yes,” Renzou says, not quite whispering but not quite talking at a normal volume, “very good news, in fact.”

“Oh? Lovely, my boy, now spill the beans!”

“They have accepted me into the Illuminati,” he says, giddy, “I was on their base, I met with some members, I uh, don’t know how important they were and they obviously don’t trust me yet, but I’m _in_.”

Sir Pheles whistles, “I knew I could count on you! Knew you were perfect for this the second I saw you! What do they want with you?”

“They just want me to give them information for now; to let them know if something odd happens in the exorcist cram school,” he says.

“The cram school? I do wonder why they’d be interested in that...” Sir Pheles wonders, “Anything else? Perhaps you can tell me some names?”

He thinks immediately of Todou Homare and Saburota. But... Saburota had asked him to keep quiet about him…

“I met with a woman named Homare,” Renzou says. He hopes that he’s a good enough liar to fool Sir Pheles, “But I don’t know what her last name is as of yet. She looked like she wouldn’t appreciate personal questions, and I didn’t want to push it on my first day.”

Sir Pheles hums and clicks his tongue, “That doesn’t give me much, but it’s more than we had before. A good start. Thank you, Renzou-kun. I can’t wait to see what you find out next! Do keep me updated!”

“Yes, sir; thank you, sir,” Renzou replies and the line goes dead. His hands are shaking. But he feels alive. He feels genuinely motivated for the first time in a very long while. The future looks inviting instead of oppressive; as if every door that was closed before is now open to him.

And to think this is just the beginning!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: please don't misunderstand and assume the Illuminati are nice to Renzou. It's all about manipulating him so that he's on their side. Especially Todou - that guys a dick but he's real persuasive and charming.


	5. Out of the frying pan, into the water.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Renzou's done field missions before. Yeah, they're tricky and don't always end well for him. But he's gotta do what he's gotta do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Trigger warning!** This chapter contains a scene where a character fights in water and is submerged for a part of it, about halfway into the chapter.

It’s a hard day - well, maybe more of a hard week - for the exwires. With all the running around they’re doing, schoolwork has sort of… slipped past them. Not so much the cram school curriculum, they keep revising _that_ with all the little missions and errands. But the honest-to-god highschool stuff? Oh _boy_.

That’s how they find themselves in the old boy’s dorm, cramming for yet another algebra test. Rin looks like his head is about to start giving off smoke with how hard he’s trying to think (he’s not doing that well, but he _is_ doing his best). Shiemi looks a little dizzy - she’s far from confident in maths, but she’s surprisingly resilient. Bon and Konekomaru on the other hand are crunching numbers like possessed. Every once in a while, they discuss the answers they get for the problems heatedly.

Renzou blinks lazily, gaze wandering off for the hundredth time today. Briefly, he watches Yukio’s back. He’d sat down at a separate table and Renzou isn’t sure if he’s studying or grading some papers or something else entirely. There’s been something off about their teacher lately, though Renzou can’t put his finger on _what_. He tries to peek at what their teacher is doing but can’t get a good angle from where he’s seated so eventually gives up on it. He’ll leave that to future Renzou.

Sadly, watching Yukio can occupy his tiny attention span for only so long and his gaze drifts off to the windows. He sighs dramatically. If only Izumo had joined them, at least it would be fun to rile her up to watch her cute angry face. But she went off to study with Paku. 

‘She should have invited Paku to study with us instead,’ he thinks with a pout. Those two might actually be getting stuff done wherever they are, but it would be cooler if they were here. He sighs again.

“Shima, I swear to god,” Bon starts, very irritated, “If you sigh one more time, I will force-feed you that pencil. You wouldn’t be so bored if you actually did any of the problems!” he gestures at the empty notebook in front of Renzou. Now, Bon has a point, but the thing is - he does not want to do math. He only came because Rin promised to make them all diner.

He’s been craving something delicious and warm for so long now. Pre-packaged convenience store food and cup noodles have lost all novelty.

“But I just don’t understand~” he whines, which is partly a lie. He hasn’t even bothered trying to read the theory. The algebra teacher is a chump. He’ll just cheat - he’s done it before and it was not hard, and he got a decent grade for a quarter of the effort.

“Which part?” Bon asks, eyes narrowed. He's on that edge between real anger and exasperation and Renzou doesn't want to tip him to the wrong side.

“All of it?” Renzou tries after a moment of 'thought'. He doesn’t even know what they’re _supposed_ to be learning, if he’s being honest (at least to himself).

“God damn it,” Bon rubs his face tiredly. Renzou feels a little bit bad for him. It must suck to actually care about studying and grades and that goes double for caring _a lot_.

“What about you guys?” Bon asks Rin and Shiemi, who smile rather sheepishly.

“Yeah, I understand nothing as well,” Rin admits, rubbing at the back of his neck. He's a little embarrassed, but it's understandable.

“I sort of get this part,” Shiemi outlines something for Bon to see, “but this,” she points, “really makes no sense to me.”

Renzou’s impressed with Shiemi. She’s been looking between her notes and the textbook tirelessly - writing stuff down only to cross it out and then rewrite it, leafing through the pages to hunt down mysterious... somethings, he supposes, highlighting paragraphs, staring off into the distance, deep in though. All this with a cute pout, the kind that looks like a kitten trying to look tough. It’s sort of endearing, sort of amusing to watch.

“Yeah, that part is pretty tough,” Konekomaru chirps up, nodding in sympathetic understanding. Then he turns towards Bon, thoughtful, “Bon, do you think we should go over the basics again?”

“I suppose we can,” Bon says, rubbing at his face again. There are bags under his eyes and he's kind of pale when Renzou looks closely enough. He must be overworking himself again.

“Okay, let’s try and start at the beginning,” Konekomaru begins - and then he and Bon are talking about how to do maths, so Renzou like immediately zones out. He does a pretty good impression of listening though. Little do the others know that behind those thoughtful nods and hums of approval lies a brain that is completely and absolutely empty right now.

Bon gestures and draws things and looks at them all to gauge how much they understand from what he’s saying and Konekomaru helps break it down into bite-sized bits of information that are easier to digest. They make really good teachers, all in all. Even consciously trying to _not_ get into it, Renzou manages to learn a thing or two. (not that he’s about to start applying them and do any of the problems)

“So, does that make things more clear?” Bon asks.

Shiemi, Rin and Renzou all confirm that, ‘yes, thank you, it makes sense now!’… with varying degrees of honesty.

Studying goes on for a while longer, during which Renzou counts the panels and lights on the ceiling of the cafeteria.

Until his phone vibrates with a notification. Without thinking, he pulls it out to look, because - who the hell would be messaging him now?

Except there's... nothing? That's so weird, he could swear that-

He freezes when he realises that the notification is, in fact, on his ‘Illuminati phone’. Carefully, keeping it out of everyone else’s view and half under the table, he pulls it out and unlocks it to see what it is that they want from him now.

[from H: Report to base Immediately for briefing and mission assignment.]

His blood runs cold. He’s being summoned for a field mission… honestly, he has half a mind to ignore the summon because the last time he had to go on a field mission… long story short - it went _bad-_ , and he shudders at the memory of it, and tries to not remember it too often in general.

Renzou puts the phone away slowly. He’ll go after dinner. Speaking of which...

“Okay, now that all that smart stuff is done with,” Rin starts, looking a lot more animated than he did just a minute ago, “it’s time to get cooking! I’m starving! Oh, and you guys come help me!”

They divide up the tasks, such as slicing or peeling and other between themselves. It goes fast with so many people helping. They chat and laugh as the radio plays some catchy little tune in the background. It’s nice to relax like this. Finally, they feel like kids.

He’s handing Rin a bowl of vegetables to add to the stir-fry when The Phone vibrates again. Carefully, he retreats to the corner of the kitchen where he is less visible to check it.

[from H: Renzou-san, I see you’ve read the message. This is time sensitive. What is your ETA?]

Renzou frowns. Looks over at the other exwires, their carefree faces, how they coo and aww at Rin’s cooking. He doesn’t want to leave for a lame mission right now.

Quickly, he types up a reply.

[to H: Am preoccupied. ETA is roughly one and a half hrs, maybe two hrs.]

The response is almost immediate:

[from H: Too late. Un-occupy yourself and report. That is an order.]

So Homare's pulling that card, huh...

Something ugly rears its head inside him. Something dark and vindictive and seething. His fingertips feel numb as he glares down at the screen. 

Renzou takes a deep breath, then exhales just as deeply. Does it again. Centers himself.

/You signed up for this, / Yamantaka reminds unhelpfully, roused by his negative emotions. It laughs within the recesses of his mind, and the sound bounces around in his skull.

‘I know,’ he thinks, bitter. On the phone he texts Homare again, pushing the keys harder than necessary.

[to H: Understood. Will report ASAP.]

“Who are you texting?” Konekomaru asks- _too loudly-_ , and suddenly Renzou looks up to find pretty much everyone looking at him with interest. 

He wants to curl up at the attention, but instead smiles languidly as shoves the phone in his pocket so that they don’t see it’s not _'his'_ phone and rummages through his head for an excuse - any excuse -

And finds one.

“Say, do you remember the girl from the campus convenience store?” he asks with a lecherous grin (lying through his teeth), “Remember how I gave her my number?”

“You’ll have to be more specific,” Bon scoffs, taking the bait immediately, “I think you give your number to some girl every time you’re there,” he seems to pause, surprised, ” Wait, did someone actually text you? Man, that poor girl.”

“First of all, I am _deeply_ offended,” Renzou retorts, “ so thanks for that. I thought we were friends, Bon. Second of all,” he says, rounding the island and heading for the door, “ she is currently waiting for me so that we can hang out. She didn’t call it a date, but, I mean, I am a hopeful guy!” He wags his eyebrows at Bon, who cringes.

“Wait, so you’re not staying for dinner?” Rin asks and he looks genuinely sad at the idea and Renzou hates that so much because he is starving and wants nothing more than to stay and eat. Shiemi looks sad too and - double ouch. 

Renzou feels like a jackass when he pulls an apologetic little mien, “I’m sorry, Okumura-kun! I would stay if I could, but love awaits me. Save some for me, alright?” he asks with a wink.

“Alright, I guess,” Rin says and, dammit, he looks so _dejected_ and why did the Illuminati have to summon Renzou _right now?_ Hot anger bubbles up within him again.

/their emotions- and _yours_ \- are of no consequence. when duty calls, you go,/ the voice in his head dismisses ruthlessly. Brave of it to be so chatty this evening. Renzou doesn’t reply to it, but blows a mental raspberry nonetheless.

So, he waves goodbye to his classmates, receiving various degrees of sad and angry expression from them. It only hurts a little bit. Only a little teeny tiny bit.

As he walks out of the kitchen, he makes a bee-line for the door, but spooks at a voice -

“Leaving already?” Yukio asks.

Renzou gulps - he’d forgotten that their teacher had stayed at his table to work. He nods numbly, opens his mouth to make his excuse and it tastes terrible in his mouth when he prattles off about the 'not-date'.

Yukio doesn’t as much as blink at his words. Just stares him down blankly and eventually hums and nods, then goes back to whatever it is that he’s doing. (He still can’t see what it is, Renzou notes bitterly.)

The boy feels weird about this interaction with Yukio. Warning bells chime in his mind and he doesn’t know _why._ He hates not knowing why. So, he leaves, all but running away. He needs the nearest door that they won’t see him use. _Now_.

The awe of using the magic key has worn off. He jams it into the first lock he can find, and when he turns it, it can’t click quick enough. 

He just wants to get this mission over with. 

He opens the door to his on-base room. Grabs the uniform and hastily puts it on. Straightens it cursively in the stand-up mirror, freezes when he sees the expression on his face.

It’s not how he should look - too stormy, too emotional, too _open_. Yukio didn’t see that, did he? He didn’t show that expression to any of the other exwires, right? Renzou worries for a split second before realising it doesn’t matter. He can always lie it away if they ask. He’s good at that.

Calmer now, he takes a second to school it back into an easy, lazy smile. As it should be. As he walks to the door, his phone buzzes. The non-illuminati one.

[from bon: You're such a dick, Shima. Better make it up to us for bouncing! 😡]

[from bon: Also, don't do anything too stupid, okay? And don't stay out too late!!]

Renzou grimaces a bit at the first, but feels warm at the second text. It’s truly amazing that even when irritated, Ryuuji can't help but care.

[to bon: i will !!! 🙇]

[to bon: but - me? do something stupid? please!]

[to bon: ok jk :,) i wont do anything stupid n ill try to not stay out late! c u soon !! :* :* ]

He smiles down at the screen before putting the phone on the bed. It's best to not take it with him, he'll be in deep shit if it gets lost or broken during the mission.

He exits the room, and his phone pings once more when the door is closed.

[from bon: Good. I'll kill you otherwise. 😤💪]

Renzou’s more or less memorised the layout of the base, so he knows where Homare's office is, but he likes to pretend to get lost a lot because sometimes the most interesting and juicy things happen in corridors or in rooms with open doors.

He meanders through the corridors, eyes and ears open. Stops to 'tie his shoe' while listening to a conversation between some scientist guy and someone on the phone. They mention the elixirs, they mention some dates. They mention Shimane - then the guy walks too far away and Renzou can no longer hear the rest. Bah.

After a sufficient time… 'being lost', he knocks on Homare’s office door and, after a quiet permission to enter, he does.

“Renzou-san. So glad you could make it in only,” she looks at the clock on the wall pointedly, “twenty-five minutes. Thank you for making time for us.” She doesn’t say it sincerely, it’s more of a dry ‘I knew you weren’t that occupied, you little shit’ (but masked in subtext). Homare stares at him with a raised eyebrow, waiting to see if he has something to say for himself.

“I did the best I could, ma’am,” he chirps.

Homare hums. It is clear she thinks he’s _full_ of it but unclear what she is _thinking_. She leafs through some files in her drawer, until she pulls one out.

“Read this, quickly, and report to hangar 3-A,” she says, and goes back to work. God, she’s always working. He only ever sees her at her desk or walking around giving orders. He does _not_ envy that.

Renzou parses through the file, not really paying too much attention to it. There’s the location, the objective - they’re aiming to capture a kawatora that lives in the caves of Ryusendo, and it’s so time sensitive because they can only do it tonight as the caves are a tourist attraction and getting them empty (and any on-site people who don’t belong - off) requires a lot of planning and funding.

He doesn’t see his name in the roster at the end though, which means that he’s substituting someone else and wasn’t even supposed to come. Great. May whoever fluked out stub their toes ten thousand times, Renzou wishes bitterly.

“Make sure to read the precautions thoroughly. We do not want a repeat of last time,” Homare says without looking up and… ouch. She has a point, but like… no, yeah, she has a point.

Renzou flips open to the precautions page and reads, this time paying full attention. 

Do not engage the kawatora alone, or in water. Now that seems like it shouldn’t be _that hard,_ but… they’re going to underwater caves, aren't they? How do they plan to avoid the water? 

Renzou also tries to memorise the fire seal they’re supposed to be able to use freely to go on this mission. It looks fairly simple so he might be able to pull it off even though he sucks at seals in general. Absent-mindedly, he makes the hand sigils with one hand as he reads off the chant. Eh, he’ll _probably_ remember it.

The rest of the precautions are basic things that apply to all missions so they’re easier to memorise - don’t stand in front of the mouth of a gun, don’t wander off, listen to senior officers, don’t touch artefacts without a specialist present, don't talk to the demons you’re capturing, et cetera…

He places the file down on Homare’s desk. “Alright, I think I got it. Hangar 3-A, right?”

“Yes. I wish you success in this mission, Renzou-san,” she states with the barest inflection, still not looking up at him. But he’s used to it, he knows that’s just how her personality works.

“Thank you, ma’am,” he says, “ good luck to you in your work as well.”

She hums, and… that's it. Renzou shrugs, leaves the office and heads to 3-A.

There’s a gathering of people already there, and he assumes they’re the others designated for this mission. A woman with a clipboard stands a bit off from everyone else, tapping her foot impatiently.

“Shima Renzou reporting, sorry for the inconvenience, I had some trouble getting here,” Renzou says in his most contrite voice as he draws near. The woman’s face softens up from the scowl that had been there previously.

“It’s fine, we can still catch up to schedule, Renzou-san. Thank you for coming on short notice, Fumihiro-san got sick so suddenly... I’m just glad we aren’t going under-staffed,” she says, and she looks stressed as hell even as she acts nice. Renzou decides he likes her.

The woman collects herself before announcing, “Alright, I’m gonna do a roll-call, and when your name is called - respond and get on the helicopter. We’ll launch as soon as everyone is onboard.”

There's ten people, including him and the woman, Mikado. Soon enough they're all on board and the helicopter roars to life.

Take-off is scary. Renzou hasn't flown enough times to get used to it. The way his internal organs feel like they rush downwards as they launch - it makes him queasy. Maybe it's a good thing he hasn't eaten since lunch? ...Nah. Being starving while sick seems worse than being just sick because of how confusing it is. At least he doesn't throw up this time.

Mikado explains the objective again. Their target is the Kawatora. There will be a strike team of four that goes into the depths of the cave, a backup that hangs closer to the entrance, and a communications team that won't enter, but is to be on standby in case everything goes wrong.

Renzou is placed on the backup team. Fumihiro, who he's replacing, was on the strike team, but Renzou doesn't have the necessary expertise for that so here they are.

By the time they touch down the last bit of sunlight has disappeared, and the only source of light is the moon. Renzou is still queasy from flight so the fresh air here is doing wonders for him as they trek the rest of the way to the caves on foot.

Mikado goes over strategy with the strike team again and Renzou listens half-heartedly. Judging purely from what little he knows of her, she seems like a pretty thoughtful leader… and like she’d take it really hard if something were to happen to anyone in her charge.

He makes notes of the others as well. He’d memorised most of their names when Mikado had done the roll-call, and now he muses about finding who has the loosest lips and juiciest secrets and befriending them… he’s narrowed it down to a trio that has been mumbling among themselves the whole way, but time and enough casual affection will tell who’s easiest.

“Alright, here we are,” Mikado announces. “Turn on your comms and check that the connection is good.”

There’s a chorus of affirmations. Mikado distributes flares to each member of the mission with a quick explanation of how to use them and _when_ to use them (she looks pointedly at someone then and Renzou guesses there’s a story there). Then the strike and back-up teams start to move in, leaving the communications team at the mouth of the cave. 

It’s not as bad as Renzou expected, honestly. There’s a wooden walkway which makes things a lot easier. He’d been prepared for boats, or worse, _swimming_. So, all in all, it’s not that bad, even if it is cold and the boards are kind of slippery and there’s no lights other than their flashlights and the sounds all echo weird and creepy. It's _fine_.

“The best part about this mission,” the person walking next to him, Sachi, he thinks, starts, “is that this deep in a cave there are no bugs. The last mission I was on was in the Amazon. The mosquitos bit me through the uniform, and I swear it _still_ itches.” She laughs at that, and Renzou reluctantly joins in. He’s very glad that he’s never been to the Amazon.

“Oh, that sucks,” he says, “my last mission I stepped on the wrong rock and almost got killed.”

“ _Nice_ ,” she says, “ makes you wonder what happens when you step on the right rock though.”

Renzou snickers. Okay, that was stupid and incredibly unfunny. He _definitely_ likes her.

“Halt,” Mikado says suddenly. A couple of lights turn to illuminate the body of water next-to-cum-under the walkway. Renzou sees ripples move across the surface. Hears the quiet pit-pat of water dripping from the stalactites. Feels a sinking sense of dread as they resume moving.

“Absolute quiet from now on, unless you see something,” Mikado whispers harshly.

Eventually they split, the strike team venturing deeper and the back-up standing by on one of the platforms. Mikado stays with the backup team.

“Be ready to move at a moment’s notice,” she says, standing by the edge and peering over the rails. Renzou cannot see the expression on her face but it’s probably anything but calm. It’s awfully dark except for the few beams of light. He can’t make out the walls of the cave or the ceiling. It feels as if they're in the middle of an endless black abyss. It’s... an _uncomfortable_ thought.

There is silence, except for the occasional sound of water dripping from the walls of the cave. Renzou stands and _waits._ His stomach growls and aches with hunger, so he clenches his fists hard to take his attention off the sensation. He tries to not think too hard about how all the other exwires got to eat wonderful home-cooked food and he’s here cold _and_ hungry. He should try and ask Mikado for some rations on the way back - the Illuminati usually bring along some form of food on missions.

/how despicable this is,/ Yamantaka drawls, steamrolling over Renzou's train of thought. /there’s no violence, no artistry in useless waiting while someone else does the work. _We_ should be at the front line./

‘Please don’t start with this again,’ Renzou thinks. ‘That wasn’t my choice to make anyways.’ It huffs, and Renzou just knows that it’s sulking (as much as a hulking wall of flame with only two emotions - bloodthirsty and angry - can anyways).

/You won’t climb up the ranks if you keep skulking away from the action. They will never trust a mere _spy_ with their secrets./

Renzou rolls his eyes, ‘There’s more to proving yourself than battle.’ He’s giving into pettiness, too agitated with the general situation to keep his cool. They’re having this argument yet _again,_ it seems. ‘Espionage and reconnaissance are both very important and _highly_ valued.’

Yamantaka snorts derisively, /whatever you say, boy-/ a sudden scream echoes through the cave. It comes from deeper within - the strike team has found their target, most likely. The voice sounds pained and the way it echoes makes it ring out for an unnaturally long moment.

“Strike team, status report,” Mikado says into the comm. She tries to sound calm but her voice is shaking. What an… unprofessional display. Renzou wonders how many missions she’s led. Is this the first? 

“We have -ack!- contact! Trying to subdue it now!” a tinny voice responds. There’s a strange chittering sound - probably the kawatora - before the audio transmission ceases.

Quiet again. Well, almost. If one listens close enough, they can just make out the din of distant battle, but it's distorted. Backup waits with bated breath. Renzou holds his k’rik at the ready.

He’s not sure how much time passes, but they hear the strike team before they see them. They have the creature in chains and they clatter as it moves. When they finally enter Renzou’s vision, he sees that the chains are red-hot. Probably to sap its strength. It must be excruciating for a water demon.

“It’s smaller than I thought it would be.” Mikado is the one who says it when the strike team leads it up to them, but everyone is thinking it. It seems no bigger than an average dog, yet it put up that much fight?

“It, uh, shrunk when we finally got it dry,” one of the people holding the chains says, haggard. “Put up a hell of a fight though. We’ll need the medics. Nasty fuckin’ thing,” he spits.

Renzou watches it. The chains sizzle against its skin and the smell of charred meat wafts through the cave. He’s sick at the fact that it makes his stomach growl again. He swallows the saliva collecting in his mouth.

Then, for a brief moment the kawatora looks directly at him, and the rage and indignation he sees in its eyes… it gives him goose bumps, makes his skin crawl. He hadn’t given it much thought before, but how intelligent is it? Can it speak? Can it comprehend what they speak and, worse, what they will do to it? Renzou can’t bear the thoughts. He looks away.

He hangs at the back as they make their way out of the cave, a well ways off from the procession. The squad members chatter among themselves, discussing dinner plans and the weekend. Seems weird that they can just do that. Renzou can’t stop thinking about the look in the demon’s eyes. It’s burned onto his retinas.

Not for the first time, he feels horror and loathing with the Illuminati and their methods. He’s not supposed to, but he knows about the experiments. Not everything, but enough. He’s heard the screams. He’s seen the ghouls. He’s read a chunk of the reports in his little ‘excursions’ the times he’s been on-site. He’s seen the way they use up the demons they capture until all that’s left are bones that crumble into dust.

…demons he’s helped capture, just like this one.

‘You signed up for this,’ he reminds himself as he does when the last shreds of his morals start acting up. Yamantaka - blessedly? cursedly? -is quiet. ‘You signed up for this, and you will do what they tell you to. You will witness it all and make sense of it and then report back to Sir Pheles. That’s your job. Guilt is useless. Morals only get in the way. You want to stay alive and you want information.’

The pep-talk helps, even if it’s just a little. 

He doesn’t realise they’ve made their way back until he steps down the last ladder of the wooden walkway and onto the gravel path.

‘Is that it?’ he wonders. His jaw clenches involuntarily. He left his friends for this? They didn’t even need him for anything this mission. Homare pulled him from his daily life for pretty much no reason. Renzou tries to not be angry but it’s hard to ignore the red haze in his mind. Yamantaka stirs wordlessly, curious at his contempt.

He has to breathe. He’s not breathing right. He has to breathe so he can calm down. In and out. Keep going until the anger dies down. He can do this.

He lags behind as he tries to control his emotions. All his focus is on breathing and putting one foot in front of the others.

Unknown to Renzou, as they head towards the helicopter, it begins to rain. Just slightly, at first, but the nearer the procession draws to the transport, the larger and more often the drops. By the time he notices the drops against his skin, it is too late.

He is pulled from his loathing by yelling - the kawatora has broken free of the chains and is barrelling towards him at an alarming speed. Also, it’s much larger now, less like a dog and more like a... horse.

By the time his brain catches up with what’s happening, all he can do is hold out the k’rik in front of him so as to not get run over by the raging beast.

A few things happen in quick succession.

The kawatora collides with Renzou, knocking the boy back. His k’rik gets stuck against some of the hard protrusions upon its body. He is dragged along violently by the kawatora as he can’t afford to let go of the k’rik and risk losing it.

Renzou clings on for dear life. While he can pull his torso up close to the beast’s chest, his feet drag along the path painfully, ruining his boots and pants and causing him a great deal of pain.

With each gallop he jostles wildly, but pure shock and panic help him keep grip.

The stairs of the walkway banging against the back of his shins are especially painful, and once they are deep enough within the cave that there is no light, Renzou’s plight catches up to him.

He is alone with the kawatora.

It is most certainly returning to the water.

He has no time to think. There is nothing he can do except _pray_.

When his back collides with - and breaks - the rails of a platform, he can’t even scream. All he feels is blind pain. The impact knocks the air - and sound - right out of him.

And then they fall into the water.

It’s a good thing the blow to his back locked up his throat because otherwise the ice-cold water would have made him scream and choke on it.

A part of his mind notes that the kawatora glows in water. Not all of it, but it’s covered in glowing markings and - fuck - its teeth glint a dangerous neon yellow, entirely too close to his face.

It seems to finally notice it’s unwilling stowaway and begins bucking so as to throw him off. Thankfully, this finally dislodges the k’rik and for a brief moment Renzou paddles wildly backwards in an attempt to put distance between them. His clothes are heavy and he sinks ever lower.

Panic is all he feels as his back hits the wall of the cave and the kawatora opens its maw, staring right at him with unbridled rage.

Will he die? He can’t chant underwater. He can’t hold it back with his movement and strength impeded by the weight of his clothes. The rest of the squad has to be on it’s way, but he doubts they’ll get to him in time if he does nothing.

Desperately, he tries to think as the creature approaches, it’s roar distorted and deafening through the water.

‘Think!’ he screams at himself mentally, ‘Think, damm- the flare!’

Quick as he can, he pulls it from the inner pocket of his jacket. Aims it just as the kawatora is right in front of him, mouth wide open, glowing teeth on full display-

He prays that the flare works underwater, eyes squeezed shut as he pulls on the release and throws it.

He feels the water heat and bubble, and the kawatora shrieks as it backs up and thrashes wildly in pain. Renzou’s ears are ringing. He feels like he’s suffocating. He fights the instinct to inhale.

He needs to get to the surface _now._

He turns and, with the k’rik tucked awkwardly under his arm, climbs along the slippery wall of the basin. He’s not sure how deep under the surface he is. Half of him is scared he won’t make it despite getting this far. The other half cries desperately for air. His very bones hurt with the asphyxiation. His diaphragm jerks without his consent in an attempt to draw breath.

There’s no word strong enough to describe what he feels in that moment. But in it, he fears death and dying like never before.

But he makes it. Miraculously, his head rises above the water. His first breaths are stuttered and forced - it’s still hard to breathe after that blow his back took, but even the little gulps he can force are better than nothing. His vision still swims.

There’s a small ledge, just enough to stand on, though deep enough that when he does, he’s still knee-deep. He takes care to not slip on the rock.

There are few things he wants as little as going back into that horrible fucking water.

He doesn’t know how far from the walkway he is. He doesn’t know how large the cave is. Everything is still pitch black and he can just barely make out the glowing bits of the kawatora as it still thrashes in pain under the water.

The surface of the water splashes against the walls of the cave at it’s movements, and it’s the only sound Renzou can make out aside from his laboured breathing and the galloping thump of his heartbeat.

‘What now?’ his mind races, despairing, ‘What the _fuck_ do I do now?‘ There’s no one around to direct him. He has precious little time before the kawatora regains its senses and… kills him, probably.

/you know there’s only one thing you _can_ do,/ Yamantaka leers. The familiar is uncomfortably excited at the predicament they’re in. It buzzes within his mind like a swarm of hornets.

He knows Yamantaka is right. With shaking hands he grips the k’rik. Stutters out the summoning chant. Feels Yamantaka’s cold flames lick against his skin as it manifests, leaving it numb.

All he can see of the demon are it’s eyes, tumultuous liquid gold. It regards him with an obviously pleased purr, “Finally.”

“Can you take it out?” Renzou asks shakily, eyeing the distorted form of the kawatora.

“Of course,” the familiar exclaims confidently, sounding so far above that it booms and echoes, distorts it’s already low voice further - Yamantaka sounds more menacing than ever.

“Just- just don’t kill it,” Renzou adds urgently, “we need to take it back alive.”

Yamantaka snorts in displeasure, but says, “Very well. I can wound it without killing it.”

There’s an awful moment of stillness. At least it feels like stillness.

“I think it knows what awaits it above the surface,” Yamantaka breathes right into Renzou’s ear, quiet like distant thunder. When did it come so close? “I can’t submerge my main body,” it continues ruefully, glaring at the water, “you need to draw it out, boy.”

“Ah,” Renzou startles. He has trouble remembering any techniques right now. His body and mind still scream in panic. If they can’t reach the best underwater, then they must get it out of the water. How?

‘Clear your mind and think...’ he tells himself. Closes his eyes, runs through every offensive and defensive move he knows that doesn’t involve his familiar, which is… pitifully little.

But he does know one thing.

He balances the k’rik between his knees and starts forming, hopefully, the right hand sigils that will allow him to control it’s trajectory when he throws it.

Once he’s finished the sequence, he holds the k’rik like a spear, thinks ‘please let this work’, and plunges it into the water as strong as his body lets him.

He’ll be aware of the k’rik’s surroundings and path as long as his concentration holds. Chanting with his eyes closed, he guides it down to near the bottom of the honestly terrifyingly deep water, turns it sharply-

And brings it back up as fast as he possibly can, aiming for the kawatora.

The k’rik shoots up like an arrow. Luckily, the force of it is enough to throw the kawatora above water and with ungodly speed Yamantaka strikes it out of the air and onto the platform further off. Renzou can just see it before the beast’s bioluminescent markings dim and go out - it is fully unconscious.

It’s enough to break his concentration, though, and he loses feeling over the k’rik.

Faster than he can think, he throws up the fire seal he’d learned from the mission’s briefing for some light and sees the k’rik fall into the water.

Despite his fast-approaching exhaustion, he has no choice but to dive after it. 

It’s a struggle to catch up to a sinking metal rod, but he grasps it just as the fire seal gives out, making everything dark again.

He can’t see shit when he gets to the surface. With difficulty and a rapidly growing exhaustion, he secures the k’rik in its holster and then swims towards where he _hopes_ the platform is.

Just as he grasps one of the support poles, he hears thudding footsteps approaching.

“Over here,” he shouts, surprised by how weak his voice comes out. It only makes sense. How long has he been keeping Yamantaka summoned? How much longer can he stay conscious?

Will they get to him before he eventually drowns?

The footsteps are right above now, so maybe he’ll make it.

He winces in pain as a flashlight is shone over the edge of the platform, directly in his face. There’s a gasp from above, and then “Mikado-san! Quick, get a rope!”

Renzou barely holds onto the rope as they pull him out. Already, there are spots dancing in his vision and the voices of the other members blur together into a single noise.

“Renzou-san!” someone shouts into his ear, close enough that he can make it out.

The best response he can manage is a small, inarticulate grunt. Then, he blacks out.

\--

Renzou is awoken by hushed voices, and he opens his eyes to a white ceiling. 

He feels… surprisingly pleasant. Fuzzy around the edges. Loose… He shouldn’t feel like that, should he? He got hurt, he should feel pain…

His eyelids flutter closed. Sleep. He wants to sleep more… he’d been having such a nice dream, but… he can’t recall it anymore.

The voices again, closer this time. His eyes flutter open. Just where is he? He should care about that, right?

He sees two people in hospital scrubs, talking to each other. Huh?

“Excuse me...” he tries to say but finds that no sound comes out. Renzou shakes his head, tries to clear it. “Excuse me,” he says again, and this time it’s more of a miserable croak.

The people look over at him. One of them, a woman, walks over.

“How are you feeling, Renzou-san?” she asks with a smile, though it’s obviously a fake one.

“Weird,” he answers, and after a moment of thought he adds, “fuzzy.”

“It doesn’t hurt anywhere, does it?” she asks. He shakes his head minutely in denial. “We gave you some painkillers because you broke a few ribs on your mission,” she goes on to say, “they should be holding back together by now, but you’ll have to be careful for a few days, okay?”

Cold worry washes over him at her words, “How long have I been out?” he asks, dreading the answer.

“Twelve hours, give or take,” she says. At his surprised and confused expression, she adds, “we have rather advanced regeneration technology, that’s how your ribs healed so fast.”

Renzou sighs in relief, then asks “Anything else broken?”

“No, mostly bruising, so we left that to heal on its own. I heard what happened from your commanding officer. You’re quite lucky your shins weren’t broken as well,” the other person, still by the foot of the bed, says.

“I’m lucky I’m alive,” Renzou counters weakly. The man hums - neither in agreement nor denial. Just an acknowledgement.

“Now that you’re awake, you should go see Homare-san,” the lady says, “you can move now, though better take it easy. The painkillers will wear off in a couple of hours. Would you like to take some with you for later?”

Renzou thinks about how hard it is to think through the cotton in his head and shakes his head no. 

They give him a change of clothes - a uniform sans the jacket and draw the curtains so he has some privacy while changing. He’s headed out the door when the lady calls out to him once more.

“Wait! Mikado-san left this for you once you wake up!”

She hands him a card. It’s a simple one, looks hand made. There’s a small caricature of him and the kawatora - he’s jumping over it with his k’rik, smiling, as it roars. There’s tiny drops of water drawn around it, and at the bottom, in a curly font - ‘Thank you! ^^’.

Renzou stares down at it, at a loss for words. It’s such a small, but cute thing. Not something he would expect at all from the Illuminati. Man, Mikado must be such a sucker. But he feels so damn warm inside.

“Oh, uh, thanks,” he says, looking at the woman owlishly. She smiles back brightly.

“Do you know the way to go?” she asks. He doesn’t.

She sends him off with some directions as he’s never needed to be at the infirmary before.

When he enters Homare’s office with a quiet salute, she says “I heard about the mission.”

Renzou can’t tell if that’s good or bad. He gulps nervously and waits for her to continue. She does, after a minute of silence.

“That was quite a sticky situation. Do you know just how high-level that demon was?” she pauses, looking him in the eye. Her gaze flits to the thank you card in his hands briefly but she doesn’t mention it.

“No, ma’am,” he responds. Is she angry, or...?

“Definitely higher than anything else you’ve fought,” she answers her own question, “That’s why we sent a team of ten with a plan, and a back-up plan,” pause, “but you? You took it down _by yourself_.”

Renzou feels quite exposed right now, with the way she seems to be drilling into his soul. He fights the instinct to shrink back.

“Granted, you passed out right after...” she muses, “but you still got the job done. With minimal damage to the target itself.”

That’s a good thing, right? That’s totally a good thing.

“What I’m saying is that I underestimated your abilities,” she says, finally, “I’m putting in a recommendation for your promotion.”

Renzou knows that the stupidest grin covers his face right now, but he can’t quite help it. That has to be the highest praise he’s received from her… ever.

“Don’t let it get to your head though,” Homare adds with narrowed eyes, “you still need training, and lots of it. But I can not deny that the potential is there.”

Renzou nods, still grinning. She said he has _potential._ That’s like… so very flattering.

“That was all that I wished to discuss with you,” she says, back to her usual, stoic self. “You should probably get back to school now. You must be quite late.”

Renzou turns quickly, and cold realisation washes over him when he sees that it’s eleven in the morning. Oh no. _Oh no._ He’s missed maths. He’s been away all night and all morning.

Bon will _kill_ him.

“Fuck,” he says, emphatically. Homare lets out something that’s not quite a chuckle but is definitely amusement.

“Ma’am,” he says gingerly, “is there anyway that you could help me explain my disappearance? Perhaps a doctor’s note or something?”

She looks at him, unimpressed, “I’m sure you’ll come up with a fitting excuse, Renzou-san. You have quite the silver tongue.”

He groans, rubbing a hand over his face. Sure, he survived the encounter with the kawatora, but Bon is much scarier than that…

“I guess I’ll… try...” he says. “Goodbye, ma’am.”

But just as he’s about to leave, she speaks up again “Oh, and Renzou-san? Don’t forget to write your report on this mission. You have until the end of the week.”

Renzou winces internally but doesn’t say anything. Then he's off to his room to grab his clothes and stuff.

He winces outright when he sees all the missed calls and messages. Though most are from Bon, there’s also a good number from Konekomaru, and - scary - a call from an unknown number. He wants to cry. What the hell is he going to tell them?

He mulls it over as he changes into his regular clothes. He’ll have to admit to getting hurt, the bruises on his back and legs are much too obvious to try and hide. There’s a few scratches on his face as well… tsk.

Perhaps… he got into a fight while walking with… the girl? And after they ran away (sadly, his friends wouldn’t buy him actually winning a fight, ha) she convinced him to stay the night at her place? He still needs to figure out a name for the girl and a reason for a fight to start, but, it seems like a solid thing.

Bon would still give him hell, but he’d buy it. Renzou is sure the others will too. He’s not… looking forward to getting back. He debates showing up unannounced, but in the end settles for shooting Bon a quick message. 

Hmm, how to sound contrite over text?

[to bon: okay, so, i know youre angry. i am alive. i am sorry. i am coming to school right now, will be there soon. some unexpected stuff happened, i cant explain over text, but there was… a bit of a scuffle. please dont kill me when you see me.]

Renzou hits send with a fearful exhale... he just hopes the text helps soften up the scolding he will most definitely receive.

First off, he goes to the dorm room to change again, into his school uniform. He also looks at the thank you card again, smiling. Finally, he opens it. In the same curly handwriting, it reads, ‘Renzou-san! I don’t know what I would have done without you. You saved our mission single-handedly! I was very surprised and happy, because the rain took us by surprise, and I was sure we were done for - before you got it all under control! I am in your debt. Mikado <3’ and there’s another small caricature of her bowing in thanks at the bottom. Renzou finds himself smiling widely. Damn, but it feels _good_ to be appreciated.

When he checks the time, it’s too late to show up to the ongoing class, so he heads over to where they usually get lunch to wait and maybe get something to eat.

He’s just sat down with a sandwich and some tea when the students start flowing in. He recites the details of his excuse for a while as he waits for-

“Shima!” an angry voice calls out, and he flinches. Sure enough, when he turns, it’s a very _fuming_ Ryuuji stomping over with Konekomaru in tow. He smiles sheepishly and meekly at them. Best to get it over with before there’s too big of a scene.

Once the pair is close enough to hear him, he says, “Hi guys… I suppose you want an explanation?”

Bon comes up _really close_ and grabs him by the chin, turning Renzou’s face this way and that, inspecting.

“At least you didn’t get a black eye,” he mutters to himself, then looks Renzou in the eye, “did ya get hurt bad? Do you need to go to the infirmary?”

He expected Bon’s worry, “No, Sora-chan’s sister already checked me over, she’s a nurse. I have some bruises but nothing’s broken… we got away as fast as we could...”

Something in Bon’s countenance changes then, and he grabs Renzou by the ear… and, predictably, starts scolding him for his carelessness, for his tardiness, for making everyone worry… the whole lot. Afterwards, he demands the full story, so it’s a good thing Renzou came up with a narrative beforehand.

When everyone else shows up, they also ask some questions, though not as many as Bon and Konekomaru. All in all, it goes better than he’d been expecting.

There’s a hitch when they’re in the changing rooms getting ready for P.E. Renzou hears a horrified gasp as he pulls his shirt off. Oops. He probably should have turned the other way when he did that.

“Shima-san!” Konekomaru exclaims, eyes wide like saucers.

Now everyone, like _everyone_ is staring at him in interest. Renzou holds the shirt up in front of him like a barrier.

“It’s not as bad as it looks,” he says sheepishly, hoping no one asks anything more.

Ryuuji walks up to him with a glare, “ Your whole back is black and purple. How could that possibly be ‘not as bad as it looks’? You shouldn’t be _moving_.”

“Don’t be so dramatic, Bon,” Renzou whines. He sees all the other boys more or less discreetly watching the interaction and it makes him kind of uncomfortable. “Sora-chan’s sister said I’ll be fine!”

He moves to put his gym shirt on, but Bon grabs his shoulder, “But she’s a nurse, not a doctor. Did you go to a hospital? Did you get an X-ray?”

Renzou shrinks back at the questions. This is _exactly_ what he wanted to avoid. “No...” he all but whispers.

“You’re not doing physical activities looking like this!” Ryuuji says in the kind of tone that leaves no room for comment, “we’re getting you to a real doctor _now_. Get dressed!”

Renzou frowns at him as strongly as he can, hoping that it might change his mind. He hates it when Ryuuji makes a fuss like this. He hates having so much attention on him. He feels himself flush with embarrassment.

Ryuuji looks back at him impassively, arms crossed. Yeah, he’s not budging on this. “Go on, Shima.”

Renzou folds and changes back into the school uniform meekly. There’s whispering, there’s snickering, there’s glances thrown their way. They make his skin crawl.

“I’ll make an excuse for your absence,” Konekomaru offers. He also sends this worried look at Renzou and, _come on_. It’s just a little bruising. He’s not dying or anything.

Renzou pouts as he gathers up his stuff. Ryuuji takes his bag though, with another narrow-eyed glare.

The walk to True Cross hospital is long and awkward.

“You said you ran away as soon as you could,” Ryuuji says at one point. He sounds angry. “It didn’t look like that. Fuck, Shima, what _happened_?” he turns to look and Ryuuji’s face is a conflicted mess of worry and frustration. His eyes flit, looking at Renzou as if for clues.

“I did get away as soon as I could,” Renzou says quietly. He feels like he shouldn’t joke too much right now, it might upset Ryuuji further, “but it all happened so fast,” it really did - one moment he was walking and lost in his thoughts and the next hanging on for his life - “and it was dark, I couldn’t really see much,” pitch black to be exact, up until they fell into the water and then it was a blurry mess of darkness and strange lights.

Ryuuji puts his arm around Renzou’s shoulder gingerly in comfort. Bless his soul.

“Did you manage to get a look at their faces?” he asks, voice tight.

Glowing eyes. Jagged teeth, maw open wide enough to swallow him whole.

“No, I didn’t,” Renzou lies.

Ryuuji lets out a frustrated huff. “We gotta find those assholes. We gotta make them pay.”

Some kind of strange knot in Renzou’s chest loosens. He feels safe, he feels… like he belongs. Unwanted tears prickle at his eyes. Oh no, he can’t get _emotional_ over this, c’mon.

“You don’t have to, it’s fine, I’ll be fine,” he says, but his voice sounds wet and a little shaky. Ryuuji pulls him closer against him in a half-hug.

“Yeah, you will, but you deserve more than that. Those bastards chose the wrong guy to mess with,” Ryuuji says.

Renzou’s heart clenches. Ryuuji won’t find ‘those bastards’. They don’t _exist_. He doesn’t say that. Renzou’s full of lies and secrets.

Ryuuji holds his hand as they sit in the waiting room. It’s comforting. It’s grounding. Renzou loves that Ryuuji’s not afraid to show affection like this - so sincerely and without overthinking it. Renzou’s always hidden his behind jokes and frivolity, too scared he might be rejected if he put his whole heart in it.

Then the receptionist finally calls for him and his heart leaps up into his throat.

“Are you scared of the doctor?” Ryuuji asks, confused, “your hand started sweating.”

Renzou nods mutely. But it’s not the doctor, it’s that - he doesn’t know what they’ll be able to find. Will the now-healed fractures show up? Can he ask Ryuuji to leave when he’s talking to the doctor? Will his family be notified about this whole mess? Man, he hopes not.

Renzou chews on the inside of his cheek, mind running in overdrive. It’s going to be a very stressful hospital visit for sure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I added in caring Ryuuji on a later pass of editing because I wanted some fluff to this thing 🥺 Love them Kyoto boys ❤


	6. A bite too large for your mouth.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Renzou comes to realise he's not the most clever person in the room. He's a good spy, a good liar, a good actor. But not _the best_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go! This is the last one! Woo!
> 
> This chapter was by far the hardest to write... Not only did I have A Lot of difficulty writing Lightning at first (I was actually quite write-blocked when I started this one, and Lewin not coming out Right™ didnt help...), but it was also hard to connect all the emotions and motivations I wanted to address here. Like, PHEW!! The dynamic between Renzou and Lewin is really cool to explore but man it's such a pain in the ass to write how I want it to sound!! I went over everything like... 20 times rewriting and rearranging stuff before I felt satisfied...
> 
> Am feeling pretty good about the final product though. I tried my best, and can do no more than that! 😔👊

Renzou doesn’t know what to think the first time he meets Lewin Light. On the one hand, he’s just a little disgusted by the man’s outer appearance, but on the other… he’s weary thinking of the man’s abilities. One doesn’t become an Arc Knight Just Like That, after all.

As he sits down in one of the many chairs in Sir Pheles’ office, Renzou realises, a little late, that he _should_ have expected scrutiny upon coming back to True Cross... but he isn’t prepared for how uncomfortable it feels. 

Lewin, done ooh-ing and aah-ing over Rin, now turns his attention to Renzou. 

In fact, now _everyone_ 's attention is on Renzou, which makes him a little hot under the collar.

“... The order of the True Cross has always wanted to get some insider info from the Illuminati, but no one’s really managed to gain their trust… until you!” Lewin says in a light voice, smiling. Renzou can’t see his eyes. Can’t read him _at all_. It's jarring.

“You work for Sir Pheles, but I’m sure you know that the higher ups don’t necessarily _trust_ him a hundred percent,” Lewin pauses, and Renzou nods, swallowing thickly… an uncomfortable feeling settles over him. Then Lewin addresses the room at large, “Now, the reason why I’m here - it’s to determine whether _Shima-kun_ is really on our side.”

There’s an Ugly pause.

“If… we can’t trust him,” Konekomaru starts, breaking the silence timidly, “then... what will happen?”

Everyone holds their breath, waiting for an answer. Renzou's palms are sweating. Lewin smiles for a fraction of a second, but then his face smoothes out. 

Renzou can't see it, but he feels the man’s gaze boring into his soul as he answers Konekomaru’s question, “Then I’ll call for torture so we can sort out what he knows and what bad intelligence he may have fed us.”

Renzou feels his guts shrivel up. Fuck. He’s joking, right?

And then Lewin smiles again, cheerful, “But I’d rather it doesn’t come to that! Which is why I had Sir Pheles invite all of you instead of just him. I wanna hear this from all possible angles,” he scratches his cheek. “Well, first things first," he claps his hands, "Shima-kun, a question for you - how were you able to come back to the order?”

Renzou jolts at being addressed directly. His mind is stuck on the word ‘torture’, and it sounds in his brain on repeat as he tries to collect himself enough to answer. “Oh, uh,” he starts but his voice is too unsteady, so he clears his throat, “you see, they - my superiors, I mean - had me return. They recruited me for spying on the order, " this part isn't a lie, so the words come easy, " so if I’m not actually here and giving them information, then they don’t really have any use for me. They, uh. Haha. They literally told me if I don’t come back here, then - it’s over.” 

It feels like such a _weird_ excuse. He feels like a joke just saying it. And yet it’s the truth. Life’s funny like that.

Lewin is beaming at him while holding his chin thoughtfully, “So you mean that you’ve been recognised as a spy by both sides? Oh, how _interesting_.”

Renzou feels his discomfort grow. He doesn’t really like Lewin’s… whole person. “If I’m being honest though,” Renzou adds a little weakly, and it's really just another excuse, “I’m not sure if they trust me either...”

Lewin makes finger guns at him, “That’s alright! It’ll work out, I’m telling ya! They haven’t tried to kill you, so that means they still need you! If they didn’t, let's just say you wouldn’t be here! Haha.”

Yeah. Haha.

Sir Pheles picks that moment to interrupt, “If he's important to them, we can use that. We do it right, and _voilà_ \- we have an edge on the Illuminati.”

“Right,” Lewin says, pointing at Sir Pheles, “But! As I said, we first have to determine if we can trust him!”

"Ah. You're quite right,” Sir Pheles concurs, smiling somewhat unkindly behind a gloved hand.

Renzou feels a little ill with the way they’re talking about him. Like he’s not there. Likes he's a tool.

(He signed up for this.)

Renzou feels exponentially worse when Yukio weighs in on it as well, speaking to Lewin and Sir Pheles without even a glance at the pink haired boy, “Indeed, if Shima-kun were to betray us… then the intelligence he gathers could put us at a disadvantage instead. We must determine his loyalties.” 

“Exactly!" Lewin points at Yukio, "and that’s why _you’re_ all here!” He announces, gesturing at the exwires, “From your points of view, is Shima-kun trustworthy?”

Silence has never felt quite so _bad_ to Renzou. Haha, did it just get hard to breathe in here, or is that just him?

What the _fuck_ kind of game is Lewin playing? He would take them on their word, just like that? Renzou highly doubts that any of them currently have a particularly good opinion of him. He tastes bile at the back of his throat. His hands are shaking, he grips the armrests in an attempt to hide it.

“Hmm?” Lewin hums inquisitively once the silence drags on long enough to be palpably awkward, “You guys are close to him, aren’t you? You should know!”

“There’s no way we can trust him, obviously,” Rin says. And Renzou _dies_ inside. Ryuuji calls out to Rin in disbelief, but then Sir Pheles butts in again.

“Well! That’s quite unlike you, Okumura-kun! You would usually say something like ‘he’s our comrade, of course we should trust him’, wouldn’t you?”

"Oh, you don't get it! It's because of _you_ that-"

Renzou can hardly hear anything that happens after that. His ears are filled with white noise and the thudding of his own horrified heartbeat. 

There’s some yelling, and everyone else gets involved, but… the words all blur together until they make no sense. Renzou hears Rin’s words in his head. Hears Lewin’s _threat_.

_‘...there’s no way we can trust him...’_

_‘...then I’ll have to call for torture...’_

There’s a knot in his throat. His heart races. This can’t be real. This can’t be happening. He isn't about to be locked up. He isn't about to get tortured!

…is he?

_‘Use that forked tongue of yours to deceive them if you must.’_

He remembers what Homare told him. That’s right. He knew he might be in danger when he came back. That’s why it’s important to keep his cool now. He can’t afford _mistakes_.

The conversation has derailed once he finally tunes in on it. Somehow they’ve gone around to questioning Sir Pheles’ loyalties and motives rather than his. Okay, that’s nice. Lessens the scrutiny. Gives him some time to think.

Except he notices that as the other exwires go on into what can only be described as a screaming match… Lewin is looking around with the same laid-back smile, but… his bangs have parted and one of his eyes is visible. Renzou immediately understands why the man has such a long fringe. The look in his eyes… scary would be a mild way to put it. It’s cold. It’s _Dead_.

And then his gaze stops on Renzou and… he feels his hackles rise in response. The carefree smile, so at odds with the hollow look in his eyes, widens and Lewin shakes his head so that his fringe falls back into place and does this silly little _wave_ at him. 

Renzou feels his innards coil into knots, because - what the fuck is this guy? He thinks he might throw up from the sheer anxiety -and what the hell? since when does he get anxious like this?-, but does his best to smile back - perhaps it's the most awkward _grimace_ he’s ever had on his face, but it's all he's got right now. Lewin's smile turns into a full-blown grin.

At that moment, something that Sir Pheles says angers Rin enough that he breaks out into flames. It doesn’t end too well, of course, and Sir Pheles puts Rin into his place easily - throwing him across the room without as much as a word or gesture. A rather frightening display. And yet Rin rises again, even angrier- 

Before the situation can devolve further, Lewin steps in, “Alright, let’s not fight. Though I understand why Sir Pheles isn’t trusted even here, this _really_ isn’t about him.” He laughs like everything is funny. Maybe for him it is. _Probably_ for him it is.

“So what I'm getting here from all of you,” Lewin turns to everyone else in the room, “is that you guys have zero trust in Shima-kun? Is that it?”

Ah, _fuck_.

“Wait-” Renzou croaks, audibly panicked, “Wait, please! Can I at least defend myself?”

Ryuuji rises from his seat suddenly. He looks at Renzou with an unreadable look in his eyes, before saying, “I trust him.”

Renzou has a second of pure awe and thankfulness before Konekomaru, Shiemi and even _Izumo_ also vouch for him. Rin finishes up with, “Shima is our comrade. We’re not letting him get tortured.”

“I see,” Lewin chuckles, then adds in that same light tone, “Well then, that’s all I really wanted. Guess it’s about time for me to leave.”

Huh? That’s it?

“So, you’re letting him go?” Sir Pheles asks, a little confused. (Well, he’s not the only one.)

“Yeah, that was my intention from the start!” Lewin chirps, “And for a while more at least, haha. You might be baffled, but I’m a little different from all the other higher-ups, so please be patient with me. Oh, and I’ll be sending over the confidentiality agreements later, so that we can keep Shima-kun’s situation secret - look forward to that, you guys! Bye!”

And then he’s gone. But the bad feeling - like slithering snakes or like writhing eels in Renzou's stomach - is still there.

And it stays there when Sir Pheles talks to him and Yukio alone.

And it stays there when he lets Yukio know that Lucifer is interested in him and that he should get some _advice_.

And it stays there when he can't fall asleep that night. He lies in bed nauseous and thinks that maybe it will never really go away.

\--

He can’t stop worrying. His mind is an overworked circuit repeating the same thought. He missed something! He missed something! 

He must have. 

_‘...that was my intention from the start...’_

But then why? Oh, fucking why? Why the _fuss_ about 'looking at this from all angles'? Why the _threats_? Just what is Lewin looking for? What does he _need_ from Renzou?

Renzou has always known how to pick his battles. Usually, he can tell the ones he can win from the ones that are beyond his capabilities.

Renzou thinks that he can, possibly - probably? -, take Lewin Light. Not in a fight, mind you - that guy's an Arc Knight for fuck’s sake. But outsmart him? It seems, well - not easy, but - doable. Possibly. If he can sneak up on Sir Pheles and lie to Saburota Todou's face, then he should be able to figure out Lewin Light. Surely. Definitely. Right?

Yeah, the guy's weird and scary and low-key seems absolutely unhinged, but. He's still just a man. Men aren't omniscient. They can't be. If Renzou can just get a hint of what Lewin is thinking, a tiny insight into the workings of the man's mind, then he can _do this_.

Renzou reminds himself quite often these days. It’s becoming something of a mantra. 

/your soul is at storm,/ Yamantaka comments with a sneer, /it’s unseemly./ Renzou's been shoving the demon down harder than usual, ignoring it's comments and advice. Yamantaka isn't pleased with it to say the least, but Renzou needs some room to _think_.

Needs some time to collect his wits, to get his shit straight. He tries to clear his head - writes lists, folds origami, goes for morning runs-, hoping that it would help, that he could finally make sense of what's up and what's down and where he stands among it all.

But still - despite his best efforts - he cannot relax, cannot stop thinking in overdrive. Something deep down won't let him. Whenever he as much as remembers the guy's face, or worse, his _voice_ , he gets goose bumps. Chills down his spine and pins & needles in his fingertips. It’s a totally uncalled for and quite frankly an exaggerated reaction, but he can’t _control_ it.

It might have to do with the whole torture threat thing. It had been an honestly horrifying ordeal. (The look in his eye Renzou had caught in the split second he saw it. The cadence of his voice as he said threats with a smile. The panic Renzou felt at not knowing whether the other exwires would pull through for him. The helpless despair in the moment he was sure that-) But. 

_'...that was my intention from the start…'_

Terrifying as it was, after Renzou had calmed down, he’d realised - the whole meeting had been a set up. No way was it clean. Like, Lewin didn't even ask Renzou any real questions. Who the fuck asks, “Can I trust you?” and just wants to hear the verbal answer with _no proof_? And asking the other exwires to basically decide his fate? What’s up with that move? Of course they'd let him off even as pissed off as they are, they're not heartless sadists, or like literal demons. Err, _full-on_ demons, in some cases.

_'...that was my intention from the start…'_

But… to go through such theatrics just to let Renzou go anyway...

That's the bit he doesn't get. Lewin hasn't tried to contact him since then. And he's been especially careful when sneaking around… there hasn't been a tail so far. And Renzou takes some pride in being able to _tell_.

/calm yourself, boy,/ Yamantaka says, more insistently one morning, a darker-than normal shadow visible in the mirror. Renzou pretends he does not see it.

Now, he’s either missing something or Lewin is bluffing. He greatly dislikes both of these options. Option one makes him look bad as in incompetent. Option two makes him look bad as in bad at reading people, and paranoid to boot.

_'...that was my intention **from the start** …'_

It's a challenge to find out what exactly is that guy's plan - an extremely frustrating one. Maybe that’s what makes it… oddly thrilling as well? Renzou can't deny that he hasn't been so excited since the first time he went to Sōma base.

Life has placed a delicious mystery in the shape of a dirty, unlikeable and scary man in front of him. 

And to further spice things up, Lewin’s gone and made Ryuuji his apprentice. It’s a bit like an insult to injury. Though an insult to Ryuuji just as much as it is to Renzou. Lewin rejected Ryuuji at first, claiming he doesn’t take on apprentices and effectively saying ‘fuck off’.

The fact that he just suddenly changed his mind? Suspicious as hell.

There’re more straightforward ways to go about manipulating. If Lewin wants to use Ryuuji against Renzou… well, it's low. Really low. Disappointingly low from a high-ranking officer, but then True Cross has always had an ugly, rotten side it likes to hide.

This whole master-apprentice thing going on between Lewin and Ryuuji irks Renzou to no end. 

He hates the way Lewin demeans Ryuuji by making him, essentially, a maid? Henchman? Dog? He can’t decide on one, but they all make him equally angry.

However… Renzou hates the way that Ryuuji just _lets it happen_ more. The boy doesn’t say shit when Lewin makes jokes at his expense or- or calls him lacking or makes him clean up or fetch food or- all the other stuff.

Renzou had gone to eavesdrop the other night, hidden out in the dark by one of the windows of Lewin’s quarters. Though muffled, he’d heard what the pair had talked about and…

Now he has more questions than answers. It’s obvious that Lewin’s here with his own agenda, Renzou already knew that, but despite accepting Ryuuji as an apprentice, he doesn’t seem to keep the teen in the know and thus, Renzou can't overhear them talking about whatever it is that Lewin's on.

It might have to do with the Illuminati - it’s very likely - but then why hasn’t he approached Renzou again after singling him out like that? Perhaps that was a calculated move to get the other agents squirming enough to give themselves away? And Renzou _knows_ there are others, even though he doesn’t know _who_.

(In retrospect, it’s making more and more sense that the Illuminati kept a lot of juicy information away from him despite him technically having clearance to it due to rank. He still shivers at the memory of Homare’s cold, _knowing_ gaze.)

But he mustn't get carried away with fantasies and conspiracies with no proof. 

There's still the possibility that Lewin's bluffing and not even onto anything, just waiting for Renzou to fold and _give it up_. All the guy seems to do is eat, sleep, smell bad and rub Renzou the wrong way. He doesn't leave his quarters except to teach classes or get food and drink, and even so, he usually gets Ryuuji to do at least one of those for him...

(But Renzou doesn't, no, _can't_ know what the man does when he isn't spying on him. There’re only so many hours in the day after all. Renzou has many other duties. Thus, he’s stuck in a state of perpetually _not knowing_ and that's about as fun as it sounds.)

Then, one evening, Sir Pheles calls on him. Renzou comes to the mansion using the magic key after pretending to go to sleep.

“Glad you could make it, Shima-kun,” Sir Pheles says loftily, spread out on one of the lounge chairs. A tea pot and cup float beside him.

“Of course, sir,” Renzou smiles back, throwing a peace sign to accompany it. “What did you want to discuss?”

“You might be able to guess,” Sir Pheles says with a conspiratory smirk, “You took the initiative on it, ah,- _him_ \- before I could tell you.”

Renzou swallows nervously upon being called out. “Lewin Light,” he says. Because of course. Fucking damn it.

“Lewin Light,” Sir Pheles repeats and it’s accompanied with a long-suffering sigh. ”Such a tough pawn to play with! But a genius in his own right, and ultimately invaluable.”

The fact that Sir Pheles seems to dislike the man unsettles something in Renzou. Well, unsettles him further than he had already been. The unsettle-ness _stacks_. “What about him?” he asks.

“He’s been poking around in all kinds of places,” Sir Pheles says, “and I’m having some trouble seeing where it’ll go. You’ve already been balancing some time between the Yukio situation and spying on Lightning, so this is just sort of a green light from me to keep that up.”

“I understand, sir,” Renzou says, nodding. He feels strangely relieved and giddy at once.

“How has Yukio been doing these past few days, though?” Sir Pheles asks off-handed, picking at his nails.

“He snuck off again the other day,” Renzou replies. He’s uncomfortable with the memory of Yukio trapping himself in the Naiad’s water prison until he passed out. It’s, uh, quite some shit. “He seems to be trying to harm himself. But like, mortal harm. Said he needs ‘true fear’.”

Sir Pheles hums thoughtfully, his face darkening. Renzou hazards a guess that Sir Pheles doesn’t know much about what’s going on with Yukio. It's catching everyone by surprise.

“If you tried to guess, what do you think is the reason Lucifer is interested in him?” Sir Pheles asks, his gaze sharp.

“He’s a strong, capable exorcist and fits the psychological profile for recruitment?” Renzou says. 

Yukio is the Illuminati’s connection to Satan. He’s not supposed to know this bit, but he overheard the time Saburota was reporting to Lucifer after the whole Impure king thing.

Sir Pheles frowns. “That he is, but then why didn’t they go after him earlier, like with you? The timing is odd. Please look into it more, Shima-kun.”

“I’ll do my best, sir,” Renzou replies, then adds a little hesitantly, “ but I do think they’re interested now, because his mental state is fragile in a way it never was before. The way he’s acting when he’s alone… he’s a threat to himself. Whatever that turmoil is, the Illuminati can just word it right - sweep in and - boom. Recruit.”

Sir Pheles chuckles derisively, “You’re thinking too small. There’s more than _teenage angst_ at play. It’s not just the state of the person, it’s what they can _offer_ to the Illuminati. He might break down soon, yes, but I’m not interested in ‘why’,” Sir Pheles says, “I’m interested in what happens afterwards,” he pauses, looks Renzou directly in the eye, “ I’m interested in what they want him for,” he pauses, closes his eyes and lets out the second long-suffering sigh tonight, ” and how bad the _consequences_ will be.”

Renzou finds it in himself to not grin. “Yeah, me too, sir.” There’s still so much True Cross _doesn’t know_. Oh boy!

There’s a pause as Sir Pheles ruminates on something before he shakes his head and looks at Renzou again.

“Back to the matter of Lightning though,” the demon says, “He’s sent in the paperwork for access to the Underground Library. He plans to research _something,_ and I want to know what that is, so I’m going to get you access as well, but it will take a while for the requests to process. When they do, I’ll need you to _keep it on the low_. Do not let him know you’re there.”

Renzou feels nervous at the prospect. And yet, the rushing excitement tamps the worry down. Getting to exercise his sneaking skills in such a way is _awesome_. Not to mention that it’s an opportunity to finally understand what Lewin’s whole _deal_ is. Perfect.

“Yeah, I can do that,” Renzou says with a smile. 

“I’m sure you can,” Sir Pheles says, “but try not to underestimate him. Be careful.”

Renzou pauses, feels his heart skip a beat. (He remembers the look in Lewin’s eye. _Dead_.) It’s an uncomfortably sobering warning, but he doesn’t let the smile slip.

“Is that all?”

“Ah, one more thing, have you got any leads about the Elixir research centre’s current location? Some higher-ups are getting antsy,” Sir Pheles asks.

“I’m afraid no,” Renzou says with a sigh, “I tried poking around, but could only find the name of the facility - they call it the _Dominus Liminis_ , but there’s no location listed in the records. Unfortunately, my mobility is a little limited right now because of keeping up appearances, so I don’t know how quickly I’ll make progress. It... might take a while, sir.”

“I see,” Sir Pheles says with his usual polite-yet-tired-looking smile, “ It is a pretty big task. I’ll try and find someone more to help out, but you’re still the only one with a decent foothold with the Illuminati... “ the smile dims, he looks down thoughtfully, ” anyway, you should head back to the dorms now, Shima-kun. Try and get some sleep.”

“Alright then. Goodbye, sir.”

He can’t fall asleep for a while still in the dorm room, though. He’s much too excited and/or nervous. Renzou isn’t sure what exactly the emotion is, but there’s entirely too much of it for him to lie still and sleep. So, like any teen, he just scrolls through social media mindlessly on his phone until he passes out.

\--

There’s not a lot of progress on the Lewin front for a while. Ryuuji changes his hair and all but stops hanging out with the other exwires. They do schoolwork. Renzou spies in his free time - digging through both the Order’s and the Illuminati’s secrets. Some are small, some are big, but they’re all his to know.

Then Aomori happens. Renzou’s been seeing Yukio descending into a worse headspace continuously, but that day really puts the change in perspective. Sometimes he considers telling someone who’d actually _do something_. It’s a scary thing to watch - seeing someone you respect and look up to turn into this whole different person. Scary to see how drastically different the two fronts of Yukio are - the one he shows to others and the one he _really is_.

Some part of him feels a lot of pity for their teacher, wishes to help ease that pain, quiet that discord. But another part of him watches with bated breath and interest. Waits for that inevitable day - and it’s clear by now that it _is_ inevitable - when Yukio turns. Maybe then both of them won’t feel quite so lonely.

\--

Renzou wakes up all stiff and achy. He’d rolled over and settled weird at some point and now it hurts to turn his head to the right. Also, his head feels like someone shoved a lot of cotton in it, but that’s usual for him in the mornings.

“Oh, you woke up faster than usual,” Konekomaru says from the other side of the room. He’s already dressed and is making his bed now.

“Mhhn,” Renzou grunts, staring blearily at the other boy. He blinks once, twice, rubs at the sleep from his eyes, “I fell asleep weird. Didn’t get much rest.”

Konekomaru laughs, “You fell asleep with your phone on your face, I saw it when I woke up to use the toilet. I put the phone on your bed stand, by the way. You know you shouldn’t use it before bed; it's no wonder you never sleep well.”

Renzou groans softly and leans over his knees. The room is really bright. “I don’t think it’s the phone’s fault I sleep like shit.”

“Maybe, but we won’t know for sure unless you try and, I don’t know, not stare at it so much before bed,” Konekomaru says. They’ve had this argument many times. Neither boy is willing to change their stance.

It’s not Renzou’s fault he can’t fall asleep the second he lies down like Ryuuji or Konekomaru. He needs something to keep him occupied, otherwise his thoughts start racing and he gets all weird.

Konekomaru sighs, pulling on his backpack. “I’ll go to the convenience store and grab us some breakfast, all right? Get dressed and meet me there.”

And then Renzou is alone in the room. He sighs, rubbing at his face again. He really wants to lie back down, but his neck is killing him. Maybe he’ll ask one of the girls in his class for a painkiller, or a massage to work the knot out. He turns his head experimentally and winces. Hmm. Maybe he'll ask for both.

He gets ready quickly, washing his face with some cold water and brushing his teeth (he looks a little like a ghost - pale and with the faint beginnings of circles beneath his eyes, and the discomfort he’s feeling from the kink in his neck shines through his neutral expression; and so he adjusts the expression until he looks carefree and smiley again). He pulls on the school blazer over a hoodie, but has some trouble locating his pants. They’ve somehow snuck beneath his bed.

With a last once-over he checks that he’s not forgetting anything, grabs his bag and heads out to the convenience store to meet up with Konekomaru.

It’s been a little awkward between them since Renzou came back. There are uncomfortable pauses now. A dark look that crosses over his friend’s face every once in a while, when they’re talking, triggered by a wrong word of phrase. Renzou acts mostly like he used to, but his jokes don’t land the same. They’re taken apart silently, looked over for clues, for more secrets (and boy does he have more! just not hidden in the jokes).

Despite vouching for Renzou, Konekomaru doesn’t really trust him, not that Renzou can blame him. Or any of the other exwires - they look at him all shifty-eyed like he might grow another head at any moment, or maybe start murdering them randomly. 

They’re all re-learning normalcy. It’s a little like trying to befriend wild deer. One sudden movement and they bolt.

He hasn’t really talked to anyone aside from that time in the cram school, where he called spying his second rebellious phase and then got his ass whooped. There’s a lot of unsaid stuff going on. A big ol' can of worms so full it’s close to popping open by itself. Renzou plans to ignore it for as long as he can. He hates worms.

Konekomaru is waiting for him with a melon bread and a cold coffee.

“Ahh, Koneko-san! You’re really the best!” he says, accepting the food graciously.

Konekomaru rolls his at the display, “You only remind me every morning.” Not true. Konekomaru had been leaving for school without waiting for him until two days ago. But it’s a fragile little olive branch, and Renzou grabs it with both hands.

“Because every morning it’s true! You’re the best! Better than Bon! If you were a girl I would long since have asked for your hand in marriage! Hell, I might do it anyways,” Renzou says, nudging Konekomaru’s shoulder.

“Please, keep it down, Shima-san. You’re so embarrassing,” Konekomaru says, flustered and a little uncomfortable, looking around in a panic. But the other people present aren’t really paying them much attention.

“Come on, I’m showing my gratitude! You got me food!” Renzou whines, though he has a shit-eating grin on his face.

Konekomaru turns grim, “That's it. You. Give that food back now.” He holds a hand out.

Renzou clutches the melon bread and coffee can closer to his chest and then whines, “Noo, they’re miiine! You gave them to meee! I’m hungryyy!”

Konekomaru’s stoic facade holds for a few seconds but then cracks, and he smiles, “Ah, fine, fine. But stop embarrassing me!”

Renzou sticks his tongue out and retorts, “I’m not!”

“What are you two doing over there?” Ryuuji’s voice interrupts their antics.

“Bon!” Renzou calls out dramatically, “Koneko-san’s accusing me of embarrassing him! And he’s threatening to make me starve by taking away my breakfast!” He holds the bread and coffee out as if it’s evidence.

Ryuuji stares at him blankly. “Well, you are pretty embarrassing, so I understand where Konekomaru’s coming from.”

“Gah!” Renzou shouts, “ _Et tu, Brutus?_ Betrayed by my own brothers.” He mimes being stabbed in the heart. “I’ll never recover from this!”

Oh, oops. Awkward pause. He shouldn’t have broken out the B-word. What happens next is entirely dependent on how combative Ryuuji is feeling this particular morning. Renzou might just get decked.

Ryuuji snorts, mercifully letting it slide, but his voice has an _edge_ to it, “Oh, quit the theatrics, Spy. Or _I’ll_ take your _precious_ breakfast.”

Renzou pouts, “Alright, alright. You have no love for the arts.” He then opens up the packaging and takes a bite out of the bread, pretending to be sullen; eyeing Ryuuji all the while to see if he’ll get a reaction.

Ryuuji narrows his eyes at him and makes to reach for the pastry, but Renzou quickly steps back behind Konekomaru, using the bread to hide his grin.

Ryuuji glares at him, but the corner of his mouth twitches upwards in a slight smile, “C’mon guys, we’ll be late to class if we keep playing around.”

Konekomaru pipes up, “Ah, Bon, will you come with us to visit Okumura-sensei in the hospital after cram school?”

“No, I have to help Lightning after cram school,” Ryuuji says with a sigh, frowning.

Renzou feels his light mood slip away instantly, though the lazy smile stays one his face and the vile feeling in his chest doesn’t seep into his voice when he says, “What, again? Can’t you miss a day? C’mon, don’t you wanna come see Okumura-sensei?”

Ryuuji frowns harder. “I really can’t. Sorry guys.”

‘ _You keep ditching us for him at every damn chance_ ,’ Renzou wants to say, ‘ _what the hell has gotten into you? Are you his slave or something? Is he holding you hostage?_ ’ Of course, he can't _actually_ say that. It would sound too much like he cares.

Renzou's face feels really stiff. He says, “Ah, that sucks,” and leaves it at that.

The rest of the walk is quiet, and then they split up to go to their respective classes.

Renzou does manage to cajole a classmate of his to try and massage the kink out of his neck. A few other girls stand around and try to tell the girl how to better do it. The whole thing makes him feel warm and fuzzy and cared for, and he thanks her sincerely afterwards, and even offers to buy her lunch, which she gladly accepts.

It's a great lunch, spent in great company.

And then, _finally_ , what feels like an eternity later, the last bell of cram school sounds, signalling the end of classes.

Renzou and Konekomaru agreed to meet Rin at the waterfall, but when they get there Rin is… grilling fish on skewers. With his hellfire.

“I want to take some to Yukio, he loves grilled fish, and everyone knows it tastes best fresh!” Rin explains as if that makes what he's doing any less _bizarre_.

Renzou stares rather dumbfounded at the display.

“Heh, I’m finally getting the hang of it,” Rin says with a grin, “here, Konekomaru, try some!”

Renzou wonders if the boy is as baffled as he is. Konekamaru accepts the skewer and, after blowing on it, takes a bite gingerly. “Oh, mackerel. Crispy on the outside, tender on the inside! Well done, Okumura-kun.”

Ah, curses. Konekomaru's playing along to this insanity.

“Yes! New skill acquired!” Rin exclaims, pumping his fist in the air.

“W-What skill?!” Renzou asks. This is ridiculous. Hellfire fish grilling? “Koneko! Talk to him, c’mon!”

“The hospital won’t let you grill inside,” Konekomaru says simply when he’s done with the piece of fish.

“Especially with Satan’s fire!” Renzou adds. That's an important detail here, isn't it? Like, is it even legal to use Satan's fire to cook?

Rin waves dismissively, “Eh, I’ll figure it out. Shut up and taste some!” He shoves the skewer at Renzou, who accepts it reluctantly. They start walking.

His worry is unfounded, as the mackerel is delicious. But _still_. Satan fire.

They walk in silence for a while. The weather is pretty nice. Renzou eats the mackerel contemplatively.

“Where’s Suguro? Isn’t he coming?” Rin asks eventually.

“No. He’s helping Lightning again and couldn’t come,” Konekomaru answers.

“Wow! That guy sure works hard,” Rin notes with a hint of awe in his voice.

“Oh, hey, guys," a voice calls out from the balcony they’re passing and. It’s Ryuuji." Headed back to the dorms?” He's in an apron. Doing laundry. Lewin's laundry.

“Whoa! Dude, you look like Lightning’s mother!” Rin all but yells. Ryuuji looks embarrassed at the claim.

Renzou isn’t sure what the emotion he feels is. It’s not quite outrage, it’s not quite dismay, it’s not quite _anything_ , but… but it fills him up and makes him choke on his words, “Bon, you look _ridiculous_.”

“Shut up! I’m doing this for myself because I can’t stand how bad his clothes smell!”

Renzou isn’t sure whether that’s better or worse, but it makes him feel ill.

Then there comes a voice from the window, “Hey, mom!” The window opens to reveal none other than Lightning. “I’m hungry! Go get me the usual at True Cross burger but double the order.”

“Now wait a minute! I’m in the middle of something, idiot!” Ryuuji replies in a truly motherly fashion.

“Okay!” Lightning chirps as he closes the window again.

There’s an uncomfortable pause.

“I know I’m like his mother,” Ryuuji says through grit teeth, “And I know I talk to him disrespectfully. I must learn self-control. I must reach a state of selflessness!” He punctuates his resolution with a fist slammed into the railing of the balcony.

Renzou turns away. He can’t trust his face to be neutral right now. He feels like he’s full of fire and about to burst and he doesn’t know _how to deal with it_. Warm rage crawls up his neck and he feels his face get hot. He bites down on the skewer still in his hand harder than necessary. It crunches and pops between his teeth.

“Wow, Bon,” Konekomaru says in an impressed voice, “you’re so determined! I’ll pray to the Shakyamuni for your success!”

“Yeah, Suguro, I don’t really get what the deal is, but good luck!” Rin adds in.

Renzou releases the skewer. The bamboo has splintered terribly, he’ll have to throw it out.

“Thanks, guys. Work hard!” Ryuuji says.

Renzou sneaks in a backwards glance as they leave. Looks closely at Ryuuji’s concentrating face as he hangs up another pair of Lightning’s underwear. He can’t help but scowl. He can’t help the discomfort he feels on Ryuuji’s behalf. He knows the boy truly wants to study under Lightning, he wouldn’t be bothering with this _bullshit_ otherwise… and yet. 

/you are complicating things for yourself. if you position _him_ as your enemy, you'll be fighting on too many fronts. you are too weak for that, boy./ Yamantaka snarls. It’s fed up with being ignored, it seems. He feels a headache coming on.

Renzou knows Yamantaka is right. He can't go making enemies all the time, he needs to make allies too. Too bad he's only good at lying and being a shit friend, more likely to end up dead in a ditch because of all his secrets than to, haha, 'open up' and 'communicate'.

_Maybe_ it’d be fine if Renzou didn’t have a near-allergic reaction to Lightning. Then he might try and befriend the guy, talk to him. But they got off on the most wrong foot ever and he _hates_ Lightning, so, yeah.

_And_ the Arc knight has been anything but a proper master to Ryuuji, so he feels that he’s at least half justified in said hatred, because Renzou thinks that if there's anyone who deserves better - it's Ryuuji. 

He’s pulled out of his thoughts by a text from Sir Pheles.

[from J.F.:] The paperwork went through. He’ll want to go as soon as he can. ^^

_Oh_ , this evening will be either incredibly exhilarating or incredibly incensing. His stomach roils in anticipation… or maybe that’s anxiety. One or the other. Whatever. _Fuck_.

\--

He goes to the Underground Library immediately after they've left the hospital after visiting Yukio. Uses the age-old excuse of having a date. 

Konekomaru frowns at him and tries to read Renzou's expression - is it a lie or not? It's unclear what conclusion Konekomaru draws, but he doesn't protest or call him out, so Renzou doesn't care.

He draws attention as he makes his way through the halls of the branch headquarters. He's got a hoodie on under the exorcist's coat Sir Pheles left for him, hood drawn up to lessen how much his hair stands out. He's still quite a sore thumb, but it's whatever. One must work with what's available.

And - if there's one thing he's learned as a spy it's this: always act more confident than the person you're trying to deceive. When you look like you know what you're doing, people don't ask questions even if they have doubts. 

So, he walks now with a confident stride and a stoic expression and, haha holy shit, people _get out of his way._ They eye him funny, yes, but they _don't do anything_ about it. (They probably should though. Dumbasses.)

Fuck, he loves being a spy so much.

The guards remark how odd it is to see someone so young going in by themselves and look his papers over with greater than average scrutiny.

Renzou can't help but smirk when the guard flips through the permits for the third time, looking for a mistake that's not there. They'll check out, he knows. He got them from Sir Pheles after all.

(Not that Renzou trusts the demon to do right by him - god forbid that kind of naivety. No, Renzou trusts him with this because he's working in said demon's _interests_.)

The guard finally lets him through with a deep scowl. Renzou beams at the man in return.

He enters carefully in case Lewin and Ryuuji are near the door, but that doesn't prove to be a problem. He can't see them. (He hopes they can't see him either.)

After some meandering through the aisles, Renzou finally hears voices.

There's Ryuuji listing off a few addresses, and Lewin affirming that 'seems about right, okay, now find the other one'

Are they looking for a place or a person, Renzou wonders. He sits down at a table as far as he can while still hearing the two, with a book he pretends to be pouring over.

As he listens, Renzou figures out that they're looking for multiple people. Does it have something to do with their branch or profession change? He overhears Lewin mention people transferring away from the Japan branch of True Cross a few times. The dates are rather close too, he jots the ones he catches along with the names down in his phone just in case. They're all some fifteen to thirteen-something years ago.

Renzou wonders. Why that time? Why those people? Why the Japan branch? What is Lewin looking for?

His curiosity screams. His fingers itch to go through the files they're looking at. There’re so many people. Renzou starts putting the dates in order. Some of the first transfers are very close to- but never before…

Renzou swallows as a wave of dread washes over him. The first one currently listed is at the very end of December, so whatever... happened - it was before then. 

Fifteen years ago. December or earlier. What could have-

He freezes. Warning lights go off in his brain. He can think of only one event that-

Renzou swallows down the anxiety. Does breathing exercises until his mind stops rattling. Listen first, think _later_.

Just then, footsteps enter the aisle he's in, and stop suddenly.

"Oh, jeez, you spooked me! Didn't know there was anyone else here, haha," the voice of Lewin says.

Renzou finds himself tongue-tied. Stupid. He's so stupid, he didn't hear the other coming and now he's been spotted.

He stays very still in his hunched over position… his hair is hidden with the hood… maybe he can pretend he didn't hear… or that he’s too engrossed in his reading... maybe…

"Not a talker, huh?" Lewin says, and comes closer, stopping behind Renzou, " that's alright, I know you Japanese are shy."

He's pulling files out and putting them back.

"But, wow, what a dump, am I right? No wonder they don't let just everyone in here, it needs serious renovation," Lewin goes on to himself.

He turns and comes closer. Every cell in Renzou's body is screaming to run.

"I think I even saw a _rat_. Messed up, isn't it?" Lewin says, entirely too close.

Renzou nods weakly and lets out a rather realistic chuckle. Turns the page as if he's reading and only cursively listening to Lewin.

A book is placed next to him, and it takes all of Renzou's self-control to not flinch.

"You should try this one, I hear it's a really nice read," Lewin says before walking away.

It's a demonology book. A really old one, leather bound and pressed with beautiful golden letters on the cover.

'Fundamentals of demonology, tome II: The Emperors'

Renzou flips it open idly to look at the table of contents. It's stuff about the hierarchy of Gehenna. He knows it, kind of. The Emperors of life - Shemihaza - and of nothingness - Armumahael, who Yamantaka is kin of.

Why did Lewin give him that? He doesn't know it's Renzou, does he? That _has_ to be a coincidence. He’s sweating now, fingers trembling over the pages.

He remembers Sir Pheles’ warning to not underestimate Lewin.

Did he do just that? Or is he just paranoid?

Renzou stews in worry for the remainder of the time there, jotting down the names and the dates mechanically. His face and neck feel hot. His skin itches.

It’s a few hours later that Lewin and Ryuuji seem to be wrapping up. “I’ll just go put these away and we can go!” Lewin announces cheerfully. A little louder than he’s been speaking all evening.

(Did he know, did he know, did he do that so that Renzou could hear; he doesn’t know, he doesn’t know - or does he? He can't, but _does he_? oh man oh fuck he’s messed up now hasn’t he-)

Renzou practically runs out of the Library. Hides in the shadow of the stairs by the entrance, back flat against the cold wall. Waiting.

His heart rate picks up when Lewin and Ryuuji exit the building. Anxiety caught in his throat. Static crawling up his limbs.

“Now, let’s pay a visit to the former exorcists we’ve found so far,” Lewin says. His voice carries over the distance well.

“Wait, now? As in right now?” Ryuuji asks, disbelieving. Renzou gets him. It’s quite late, after all.

“Yes, right now!~” Lewin sing-songs, “Oh, wait! Ahh, I forgot my bag in my room! It’s a big, white paper one, probably by the desk...”

“Ugh,” Ryuuji groans, “Fine, fine. I get the hint, damn it. I’ll get it, wait here.”

For a moment, the only sound is Ryuuji’s receding footsteps, and then-

“Well, what do you want?” Lewin asks no one in particular, or so _it seems_. Renzou’s heart stops. Fuck.

Then Lewin turns, looking right into the shadows where Renzou is hiding. There’s no way that he could see Renzou, and yet… And yet it feels like Lewin’s staring into his soul.

“Shima, are you _stalking_ me?” Lewin asks, tone playful.

Double fuck. There’s not really any time to think, he just steps out of the shadow and-

“Of course not,” he says, sighing. Well, it’s halfway true. He’s not like _stalking_ stalking the guy. Just watching occasionally. In a childishly whiny tone, Renzou says “ _Man_. How’d you even notice me? I’m usually so good at hiding.”

Lewin chuckles. “Marker. Embryo,” he says. A bell chimes right by Renzou’s ear and he sees a sylph zip by his face. And he feels something on his neck, like a string has been tied-

“I marked you with a sylph bell. I always know, roughly, where you are. It has nothing to do with your hiding abilities.”

Renzou feels ill suddenly. When the hell did-

‘ _It was my intention from the start_...’

Mother _fucker_.

“I use sylphs as spies and even have some in the Illuminati,” Lewin elaborates further with that _infuriating_ smile, “but they’re difficult to communicate with-” sigh, “- so I can’t really pin-point them. But!” the smile turns manic, “When you return from the base - and I know you’ll go there eventually- I’ll have an idea of where it is!”

“But then they’ll kill me!” Renzou yelps. The locations of the bases are something he’s never told even Sir Pheles. If Lewin finds out…

“Oh?” Lewin asks, walking up the steps slowly. Or rather, stalking. Renzou has to force himself to not retreat. “You really think you can become a spy and do the things you do… and still die a peaceful death?”

“No...” Renzou says weakly. Lewin is _scary_. He needs to find a foothold in this conversation. Quick, say something not serious!

“I was at least hoping to die in the arms of a beautiful woman! Or resting my head in her lap!” Renzou answers.

Lewin laughs. Renzou would find the sounds surprisingly pleasant… if he didn’t, you know, _hate_ the guy. “What an honest answer!” Lewin says, clapping his hands together gleefully.

“I can be honest when I want to be,” Renzou says, smiling. He needs to be careful here - Lewin’s bound to be suspicious about him now. He can’t afford to make the guy angry. Torture and interrogation _might_ actually be on the table if he does.

Renzou needs to think. Lewin might not like to hear that Sir Pheles sent him. But he doesn’t want Lewin to assume he’s watching him on behalf of the Illuminati either. Perhaps better to reveal his, ah, more _selfish_ motives?

He also needs to be sure. It's been eating him up. His mouth feels dry, but- “I’ve been meaning to talk to you about Bon.”

“Oh, Ryuuji? What about him?”

“Yeah. Just what the hell are you doing with him? First rejecting him and then changing your mind out of the blue... If you’re thinking of using him to get to me… don’t _demean_ him like that. He’s sincere and smart and super hardworking. He deserves better. So. If you want something with me, then spit it out _now_.”

Renzou doesn’t like showing his emotions like this in the least. Expressing his worry about Ryuuji to Lewin of all people… leaves him feeling incredibly exposed.

“Ha,” Lewin chuckles, “you know that assuming makes an ass out of you and me, right, Shima?

Renzou blinks. What?

“Me taking on Ryuuji isn’t _about you_! But don’t worry! Despite appearances, I really do value his talent,” the smile turns wicked, “You must really care about him, Shima. You even broke into the Underground Library just make sure I don’t mistreat him. Must be nice to have a friend who’d go to _such lengths for you_.”

Okay, Lewin’s not buying it completely. Renzou wills himself to not grimace. But the guy’s not angry, so that’s good, right?

“I’m more capable than you think. Don’t underestimate me,” Renzou says, a lot more confident than he feels. Thank fuck his voice doesn’t shake. It’s anxiety city up in here.

Lewin, the fucker, laughs again, “Yeah, yeah. Don’t worry, I won’t underestimate you. Or you polka-dotted buddy. But...”

But what? Renzou tilts his head, half curious and half worried.

“It would be nice if you didn’t tell your Illuminati buddies what you heard down there. Don’t want them clearing off the trails before I can find some clues and all,” Lewin says, his smile a little sharper and harder than before. Renzou gets the feeling it’s less of a request and more of an order.

“Yeah, I can do that,” he says, serious, “ I’m not like a hundred percent sure what you’re doing right now or what it is you’re trying to find, but I won’t get in your way unless I absolutely have to.” Renzou says, because he wants to make it clear that he doesn’t want to mess with Lewin in any capacity. 

He can swallow his pride and admit when he’s outmatched.

“Aw, Shima, that’s very kind of you!” Lewin chirps. His tone is grating.

The sound of Ryuuji’s returning footsteps reaches them, quickly approaching.

“Also,” Renzou says, still acting all unshaken, but running out of time, “if you cause trouble for the Order, I’ll have to tell Sir Pheles. I’m warning you as a courtesy.” 

Lewin says nothing in return, just smiles. Oh, to be able to wipe that stupid grin off that stupid face...

\--

When Lewin and Ryuuji leave, Renzou sags against the wall with a sigh, all strength fleeing his body.

He remembers Lewin’s words now. ‘ _But, wow, what a dump, am I right? No wonder they don't let just everyone in here, it needs serious renovation. I think I even saw a_ rat _._ ’

The Library was immaculate. Lewin hadn’t seen an actual rat. He’d been _making fun_ of Renzou… and Renzou had been naively thinking that-

He groans through clenched teeth, curls his hands tightly into fists, the nails digging hard into the skin. Renzou isn’t sure he’s ever felt so incensed, so completely _humiliated_. And Lewin? Lewin’s just… he did it without even trying too hard. He was prepared in a way that… he would’ve come out on top no matter what Renzou did or said.

Lightning is nothing like Sir Pheles, or either of the Todous, or anyone else he’s ever dealt with. He’s unpredictable and terrifyingly perceptive and so fucking clever it hurts. And he’s seeing the big picture. And he’s seeing right _through Renzou_.

His hand goes to his throat. He still feels it, like a string around his neck, even though his fingers come against bare skin. 

Renzou laughs ruefully. God, he's so fucking _stupid_.

He swallows thickly. He knows there's nothing around his neck right now. Knows the Sylph bell is immaterial… but he can still feel it _right there_. He missed something that first time alright. And he kept going under the preconception that- that- 

God, Lewin had known every single time that Renzou had spied on them and said nothing, feeding into that misplaced sense of security, feeding into Renzou's _overconfidence_.

Shame and anger and indignation swirl together in a Molotov cocktail of emotions inside him. He got cocky. He thought that he _had it_. Lightning had played him from the very first meeting.

And now- Renzou isn’t sure he’s even as good a spy as he thought. Had anyone else noticed him spying and said nothing? Do the Illuminati know and let him do what he wants for some twisted reason he can’t think of? He really is a blind little pawn in their game.

Renzou’s been thinking - well, he’s making progress, a name for himself, a life for himself. He could at least be a rook or a knight. As it turns out, no. He can’t.

He's a disgrace. Then, now and forevermore. Just like always. Just like back home.

He swallows again against the knot in his throat. His hand presses hard against his neck, rubbing futilely at the skin, as if the sensation would go away. There's nothing there…. and yet? He feels it like a noose tightening.

\--

Sir Pheles calls him up again. Renzou drags his feet on the way. He’s feeling entirely too sour and too tired for this, but duty calls.

“You don’t look too hot, Shima-kun,” Sir Phele says when Renzou walks in; there’s a hand over his mouth but he’s _obviously_ amused, lounging on the sofa again. “Why don’t you sit down and have some tea and we can talk about this?”

Renzou sits down with a quiet ‘oof’. The cushions are rather soft and comfortable, the fabric feels nice against his fingers.

With a snap of the demon’s fingers, a teapot, two cups and a plate of dainty looking heart shaped cookies appears. Renzou frowns as the teapot pours the cups by itself. Sir Pheles is still smiling at him from behind his gloved hand.

“I take it the talk with Lightning didn’t go as you wanted,” Sir Pheles says, picking up one of the cups and blowing at it.

Renzou chuckles, humourless. “You could say that,” he mutters, “I didn’t think we would _have_ a talk.”

“I told you not to underestimate him~,” Sir Pheles sing-songs, “look at you know, all sullen like a little kid because you didn’t listen and got outsmarted. I expected better, Shima-kun.”

Renzou finds his expression darkening and twisting into a nasty grimace. His fingers clutch at the fabric of his pants, white knuckled. He knows. He’s made a mistake. But he _won’t_ do it again.

He takes a deep breath. Consciously relaxes all his muscles on the exhale; shoves the foul mood down _hard_.

“Ahh, you’re right, my bad,” Renzou says, smiling his trademark lazy smile, settling into more of a sprawl on the seat. There. He’s back. “It’s not so bad though, Sir. We did come to an understanding in the end.”

Sir Pheles takes a sip, eyes glinting with amusement, “Much better, Shima-kun. You looked awful scary for a second there. Now, what is that you and Lightning talked about?”

“Nothing much. He asked me to not tell the Illuminati what he’s researching, said they might cut off his leads if they find out,” Renzou says with a shrug.

“Interesting,” Sir Pheles hums, tapping the fingers of one hand against the table rhythmically. Then he looks at Renzou, looking considerably more alive than usual. His eyes are piercing, mesmerising. “And what _is_ Lightning researching?”

“All the people who transferred away from the Japan branch or stopped being exorcists altogether, starting from December, fifteen years ago.”

“Ah,” realisation dawns quite exaggeratedly in Sir Pheles’ face.

“What is it?” Renzou asks.

“Oh, don’t be so coy, Shima-kun. You know,” Sir Pheles laughs.

Renzou swallows. He feels uneasy. “I had a hunch. Needed confirmation,” he pauses, licking his lips, “things are about to get quite serious, aren’t they?” 

Sir Pheles grins a little maniacally, “I think you mean _interesting_. I might just help Lightning with his little project, get the ball really rolling.”

“Do I need to do anything?” Renzou asks.

“No, it’s fine. I’ll take it from here. You can stop tailing him too,” Sir Pheles says, dismissive, “Thank you for your work today, Shima-kun.”

Renzou rises from the seat, and after a quick bow, turns to leave. His cup of tea sits cold and untouched on the coffee table.

\--

A few days after the whole… not-really-a-confrontation thing, Renzou is finally settling down. Smoothing down his ruffled feathers. Trying to un-hate Lewin just enough that he could think about the guy more clearly.

He has a lot of time to work on it. No new orders have come in from either side, so he’s just doing boring old schoolwork. Well, he’s not actually _doing_ schoolwork, but y'know.

Sir Pheles hasn’t said anything more about Lewin’s research, only asked to keep him updated if there’s any development with the Yukio situation. But there aren’t really any developments in the Yukio situation. Said teacher has been too preoccupied to work on his, ah, out-of-curriculum pursuits.

All this leaves Renzou in a rather restless state. He wonders if any of the other exwires know that this is just the calm before the storm, and everything is about to go to shit? The way the days crawl by at a snail’s pace is maddening. And he can’t even complain about it because it’s all secret and stuff.

He groans, flipping through a magazine he’s looked at like a hundred times. The girls are really pretty and super sexy, but he’s just so _bored_.

Maybe he should go for another run? At least it’s something to do… he banishes the thought as quickly as it forms. Exercise for fun? What is he turning _into_?

He tosses the magazine to the floor and rolls over, shoving his face into the pillow with another groan. Maybe he should suffocate himself. He can’t feel like an exposed nerve if he’s dead. Solid plan.

“Shima-san, are you okay?” Konekomaru pipes up from the other side of the room. Renzou turns his head just enough that he can peek at the other boy with one eye.

“I’m great, thanks for asking. And you?” he replies.

Konekomaru frowns at him, “You…” he gulps, seeming to brace himself for what he’s about to say, “You’ve been acting weird. At least I- I think it’s weird. I don’t know anymore. Is something up? Do you need to talk about it?”

Oh no, he’s trying to Have A Talk™.

Renzou sighs, rolling over onto his side to see the other better, “I’m just bored. There’s nothing to _do_.”

Konekomaru’s expression does a thing - he looks disappointed for like half a second and then he looks tired. “There’s schoolwork,” he says dryly.

“Nooo,” Renzou whines, “I don’t wanna do schoolwork!”

Konekomaru is very unamused right now. He’s trying to hide it, as usual, but Renzou can see how tense the boy is. Konekomaru is just too nice to show his anger, no matter how deserved or long-time-coming it may be.

Renzou feels a little sorry. Must be hard trying to be a good student while there’s a lazy asshole sighing and groaning in the room all the time. Maybe he _should_ go for that run, just to give Konekomaru some peace and quiet.

With a final sigh, he sits up, “I think I’ll go out for a while. Sorry if I’ve been bothering you.”

Konekomaru’s face changes into guilty-looking surprise. Oh, silly. He didn’t do anything wrong. Renzou is the bastard here. “No, Shima-san, it’s not like that! I was just worried about you,” he explains.

“I know,” Renzou says with a light smile, putting his shoes on, “but I do think I’ll at least find something to do outside. Study well, Neko!” He dips out of the room with a peace sign. Konekomaru waves bye hesitantly with a frown.

\--

Renzou never gets tired of just how Large the campus is. Every time he goes exploring, he finds new alleys, new nooks and crannies. It’s fresh and stimulating, helps beat back the boredom, the sense of being stuck that pervades his mind on a regular basis.

He turns a corner and ends up on a narrow little street that’s paved with cobblestones. He feels like he’s in Europe or something, he’s heard they have a lot of cobblestone there.

If he doesn’t die too soon, maybe he’ll go there. Somewhere. France or Germany or Spain. Not too far north, that would be too cold. But... just someplace far away. Somewhere he can be untethered. He sighs, stopping.

Smiles ruefully. Yeah, he probably won’t make it that far.

His dark thoughts are interrupted when his phone buzzes. No, wait, make that when The Phone buzzes.

[from H: Report to base A.S.A.P. for briefing and mission assignment.]

Ah. Fuck. Renzou rubs at his face, frustrated. Of fucking course. That same loathing bubbles up inside him, like he hasn’t spent days trying to get over it. Lewin Light. The bastard that tagged him with the Sylph Bell. Messing with Renzou without even being present.

[to H: I can’t report to base for a while. They’re watching my movements.]

He hopes she doesn’t ask him to elaborate. Hopes she just finds someone else to do the mission.

[from H: Understood.]

Oh, thank fuck. He sags against the wall in relief. One good thing this week. Woo-hoo! This is great.

He thinks that’s it, but then, when he comes back to the dorms a few hours later, The Phone buzzes again.

[from H: Rendezvous point B. 05:30 tomorrow.]

Renzou frowns at The Phone. 

They're not, like, gonna execute him in a back alley because he's being monitored, right?

' _They haven’t tried to kill you, so that means they still need you!_ '

Renzou frowns harder, remembering Lewin's words. The Illuminati still need him, he reassures himself. Still need him working on Yukio. They want Yukio, so they _need_ Renzou. Contrary to what True Cross thinks, intelligence gathering has sort of been on the backburner for a while, especially since either side could use him to give false information.

"They still need me," he says to the shower as he stands under it. The warm water isn't helping. He's still… afraid. His heart is hammering in his chest.

' _You really think you can become a spy and do the things you do… and still die a peaceful death?_ '

Fucking damn it. Renzou punches the tiles. It sends a jolt of pain up his arm. He's trying. He's trying _hard_ , but Lewin's managed to get under his skin; and now Renzou's second-guessing everything and paranoid. They need him. Both sides, that is. He can’t be thrown out on a whim. Not after everything. Not _right now_ , on the cusp of the culmination.

He rests his forehead against the cold tile. Wills his heart to stop racing, wills his mind to quiet down. That doesn’t really work out, but turning the temperature down all the way so it’s freezing and standing under the spray does force him to think other things, such as ‘ah, so cold, ow’ and eventually - nothing.

By the time he steps out he’s shivering all over and his lips are blue with cold. He stares at the mirror. A listless, cyanotic face stares back. Is that him? He barely recognises the boy in looking back through the mirror. 

Suddenly, a feeling of wrongness overtakes him. What would his younger self say if he saw him now? How did he become what he is? Where did it all go so wrong? He’s a terrible person, a shitty son, a worthless friend. 

An easy, happy life with lots of friends, a job he loves, a relationship… everything he dreamed of just a year ago seems so far away now; untouchable.

He’s seen stuff that he still has nightmares of. He has no one to confide his fears in, and no one would even think to confide in him. Renzou is alone.

He brushes his teeth without looking his reflection in the eye. He sets the morning alarm to 04:45. He’ll be lucky to fall asleep.

\--

Renzou arrives at rendezvous point B - a small alley behind a cafe on the edge of the campus at 05:25. 

He freezes upon seeing Saburota Todou.

“Oh, Renzou-kun! You’re early!” the man says with a bright smile.

Renzou hasn’t seen Saburota since Aomori. Why’s he here? Unwittingly, he thinks about Lewin’s words again…

' _They haven’t tried to kill you, so that means they still need you!_ '

But what if they try to kill him now? Who better to send? What better and more remote location to pick? Renzou isn’t confident he could take Saburota in a fight in the least. He also isn’t confident he could run away.

Time to talk and pray.

“I, uh, yeah.” _Great_ start.

Saburota’s smile dims somewhat. He’s _looking_ at Renzou now. It’s a lot more uncomfortable now without the glasses to soften how piercing his gaze is. A beat passes.

“You look terrible,” Saburota says eventually, tone soft and pitying, “have you been eating well?”

Renzou feels an embarrassed flush crawl up his neck. There was a brief moment after he joined the Illuminati in which he used to look up to Saburota. Perceived him as this nice paternal figure who, unlike his real dad, actually seemed to care about him and congratulated him for his successes.

He knows better now. Saburota doesn’t _care_ , he’s just good at acting. Good at giving people what they want. Boy did that _hurt_ to find out.

“I’m eating fine enough,” Renzou says, tone tight.

Saburota stays still for a moment, assessing. Renzou doesn’t like being looked at like that. Doesn’t like being slit open like a fish and rummaged through.

“You should take care of your health, you know,” Saburota says, the faintest hint of worry on his face, just enough the get it across, but not enough to make it look _genuine_ , “ we can’t have such an important operative going out of commission at a time like this.”

Yeah, he was more believably amiable when he had the glasses and before the face-tune. Had the whole friendly uncle vibe. Now the eerie is peeking out too much to be ignored. Or it's just that the veil has been lifted off of Renzou's eyes, and he can _see_ Saburota clearly now.

“I’m doing my best to stay in top shape, Saburota-san,” Renzou says with a visibly strained smile, “Now, enough about me. Why was I dragged out of bed to meet up with you so incredibly early?”

Saburota makes an attempt to school his face into something more serious, not that it works too well. His neutral expression is more of a light-hearted but smug smirk. He’s not a very serious person, at least not all the way through. That’s more Homare’s thing.

“Yeah, about that,” he starts, “I overheard that you’re in some hot water right now. Is True Cross just monitoring where you go or also what you do?”

That’s a good question. Lewin did say that Sylphs are hard to communicate with, right?

“I think it’s just the location thing, though I’m not completely sure,” Renzou answers.

He sees the interest bloom on Saburota’s face, “so they know you’re here, but not that you’re with me and not what we’re talking about, yes?”

“I think so, yeah.”

Saburota hums thoughtfully and turns to pace. He’s thinking about something hard. Absently, he bites at the tip of his pointer and middle fingers. Renzou’s seen him do it before, but only when he’s super deep in thought or excited. It’s an odd habit. But Homare does it too. Renzou saw it just the once and it was just the tip of her thumb, but. Like father, like daughter. It’s odd to think about them like that now that they look the same age, but some similarities are undeniable.

Abruptly, Saburota stops. Turns to stare at Renzou, “do you know how they’re doing it?”

Renzou swallows, feels the ghost sensation of a string around his neck.

“Lewin Light tagged me with a Sylph Bell,” he says, fingers going to his neck automatically.

Saburota chuckles in disbelief, his face a picture of amused surprise. “Oh, I didn’t realise the water was _that_ hot,” he clicks his tongue, grins widely, “ that guy’s a real big shot... Do you know his nickname?”

Renzou frowns, “Yeah, of course. Lightning.”

Saburota’s grin widens but his eyebrows tilt with pity. “Not that one,” he coos, “he’s the _Torturer_. And he’s keeping an eye on you personally? My, my, Renzou-kun,“ Saburota pauses abruptly, like he wants to say something else but chooses not to. A beat passes. ” Can you show me the bell?”

Shame floods him, fills him up. Irritation and indignation accompany it. He can’t help but feel like Saburota’s looking down on him right now.

“It’s around my neck,” Renzou says, deceptively calm, “I don’t know how to make it appear, but… it’s there.”

And then Saburota is standing way too close, staring too hard and looking like he’s having too much fun. His eyes are amber, glittering with mirth; and even more unnerving up close. He didn’t have amber eyes before eating Karura, did he?

“May I?” Saburota asks, raising a hand but stopping before he touches Renzou.

‘I’d rather you didn’t,’ Renzou thinks. “Oh, uh, okay,” he says.

He suppresses a flinch when Saburota tilts his head up with one hand and pats delicately over his neck with the other. His hands are uncomfortably hot. Renzou feels his breath fan against his skin. It’s a little like being hit with a wave of hot air upon opening a furnace door.

“I don’t sense anything,” Saburota says after a bit of prodding and poking, “I’m going to try something. Please hold still and don’t freak out.”

Renzou doesn’t have a moment to say anything before Saburota switches his grip so that one hand is half wrapped around his throat and the other is holding a flame _uncomfortably_ close to it.

Every muscle in his body locks up and his stomach drops. Fear, dread and confusion swirl within him. Renzou looks at Saburota’s face only to see the man holding back a smile as he examines Renzou’s neck. 

His gaze flicks to Renzou’s face and back quickly, and Renzou sees him bite the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing. Pointless, really. It’s obvious that Saburota finds this whole situation and Renzou’s reaction hilarious.

“I can feel your heart racing. Are you scared, Renzou-kun?” Saburota asks quietly, eyes and teeth glinting menacingly.

“That fire is really close, is all,” Renzou grits out. It’s so close it hurts a little. The heat is overwhelming. And he really doesn’t want the other standing so close and breathing down his neck. Very awkward and uncomfortable.

“Ah, you don’t trust me?” Saburota asks with a fake pout, “Sylphs love fire, you know. I’m drawing it out of hiding.”

Just then, the chiming of a bell rings out.

“There we go,” Saburota says with a grin, dragging his finger over Renzou’s neck against the mark there. He hums thoughtfully.

“It’s worse than I thought,” he says after a while. The fire extinguishes from his hand, but the heat of it lingers. “I would’ve been able to get rid of it, but the way it’s bound to you - it’s too dangerous to try or you might lose your head, literally.”

The chiming of the Sylph dies down as it hides now that there’s no longer any fire. Saburota steps back with a slightly apologetic smile.

“Ah,” Renzou says, hand rubbing over his throat, “yeah, I’ll. I’ll figure something out eventually, I guess. Thanks, Saburota-san.”

“Don’t thank me, I couldn’t do anything,” he laughs. Then his face does this thing like he remembers something, and his eyes light up with a scary kind of enthusiasm, “By the way, Renzou-kun… how’s _recruitment_ coming along. Any potentials?”

Renzou frowns at the man before he understands what he means. They can’t talk about Yukio directly since they’re not sure whether the Sylph will tell Lewin or not.

“There’s the one candidate I mentioned,” Renzou says slowly. This is _weird_ , “not quite ready but opening to the idea rather well, I think. Just a bit more and I might get them.”

“Pity that it takes so long for them to come around,” Saburota says with a sigh, “that’s what I like about you, though. You knew where you wanted to be. You chose the right path.” He pats Renzou on the shoulder.

“I figured anything’s better than the Myoo Dharani,” Renzou chuckles, “I only understood how right I was to join you guys when I saw all the cool stuff. A pool and a movie theatre? Gourmet meals every day? Yes _please_.”

Saburota laughs with him. “It was the respect that did it for me,” he says, “back in the early days, we didn’t have so many extras, but the Commander has always done his best to take care of us, to give us purpose, dignity and respect in return for loyalty. You’re still young, but I know you’ll come around and see it too, Renzou-kun.”

Renzou doesn’t know how to respond to that. He nods mutely.

Saburota smiles kindly at him, and it's the first sincere looking expression he’s had today. “I suppose we won’t see each other for a while. Good luck out there, Renzou-kun,” he reaches out to ruffle Renzou’s hair in a parody of affection,” I’ll be going now.”

Renzou waves bye weakly. He’s not sure what to make of this meeting.

\--

It all has to go to shit eventually.

That’s what Renzou thinks as he sees the cyclops tearing apart the train station on TV. He’s been on edge for what feels like forever and now it’s finally happening - his worries coming to a point. It’s hard to believe. He’s not sure he even _gets it_ yet.

They were just celebrating a wedding and now they have to go fight demons in the city. That’s something that’s definitely happening right now. He wants to laugh, but that would be inappropriate.

Renzou buttons up his jacket. The other exwires are sharing wild theories of what’s going on - what could cause this? Why would such a high-level demon rampage in the middle of the city?

They don’t know that it’s not just the cyclops. They don’t know that it’s not just this city. They will soon enough, when True Cross finally gets its feet under itself, but not just yet. 

Now’s a moment of pure, blind chaos.

And it’s about to get a whole lot worse. He tries to not let his giddiness show too much.

Everyone who’s dressed and ready for orders gathers outside, exwires included. Yaozou speaks up, “It seems that there are demons appearing all over Tokyo, and demonic activity has also increased in Kyoto, “ not just Tokyo, not just Kyoto, not just _Japan_ , ” And more and more people seem to be able to see them. Something is happening.” 

Yes. It’s all coming together. It’s all starting to fall apart.

Renzou stands there with the most serious face he can pull off right now. Blood is rushing in his ears. Soon. _Soon_.

“We have our orders,” Yukio says. He looks empty. Of course, he would, after his little _episode_. He’s ripping apart at the seams - stressed fabric and frayed threads and the stuffing falling out - Renzou can see it clear as day. “You exwires take the next train to Shinagawa and afterwards head to Ikeburo. They’ll put you to work there.”

“Okay!” they all say as one.

“I’ll go ahead without you guys and join the fight. Excuse me,” and then Yukio leaves.

And Renzou has to follow him because he’s about to _break,_ and Renzou needs to be there when he does. All the poking and prodding, finally paying off. Not that Renzou can take credit. Yukio is _amazing_ at destroying himself. (Yukio isn’t the only one.)

“And,” Renzou says, pulling his own key out with a dazzling smile, “As a spy, I’ve got spy stuff to do, so see you guys!”

He hears the other exwires voice their incredulity at his shamelessness. But that’s fine. He hardly believes it himself to be honest.

He arrives in Tokyo and sticks to the shadows. It's not hard to find where all the fighting is happening - he follows the echoes of gunshots and screaming. He doesn't plan to fight, but holds the k'rik ready just in case. There’re people running around; the air thick with fear and smoke. None of these civilians have a clue what’s going on. True Cross is almost as bad.

It’s tricky, but he manages to weave through the buildings and crowds just so, and isn’t spotted by any exorcists. Finding Yukio seems to be harder. He’s not at the back helping in any of the relief points, so he must be at the front lines fighting. Renzou sighs, frustrated. He’s got to circle back around now.

He does find Yukio eventually, after running around two blocks and fighting off a whole bunch of ghouls. Even one-handed, Yukio’s good. It’s mesmerising to watch. Almost a rhythm - each shot is precise and timed. Seventeen bangs, the clatter of the released magazine, the click of the reload sliding home, the cocking of the gun. 

But it’s visible in the way he moves how tense he is. Renzou can’t see his face from his hiding spot, but the turmoil rolls off him in thick, miasmatic waves. The demons flock to him like moths drawn to a fire. He hits all his targets, cutting through the masses with a savage sort of grace.

One demon manages to sneak up on him and Renzou almost darts out in a panic but Yukio turns just quick enough and smashes the handle of his gun into the being’s head. It cracks open like an egg, black dust spilling out from the cavity of it's skull as the creature recoils with an ear-splitting screech.

Renzou swallows. He feels strangely invigorated and giddy watching Yukio at work.

“Reinforcements have arrived!” one of the exorcists shouts. There’s a chorus of responses-

“Ack, finally!” “Is there a Shintoist aria with them?” “We need them over by the west side, we’re being overwhelmed there-”

And Lewin Light is with them. Renzou shrinks back behind his cover despite knowing it’s no use hiding from him. Man, this guy keeps butting in _everywhere_.

“Oh, Okumura-san!” Lewin calls out, though Yukio doesn’t hear him.

“Okumura-san!” he tries again, “Shall I take over for you? You’ve been fighting a while.”

Yukio continues to ignore Lewin; lets off shots in quick succession.

Bang-bang-bang!

Lewin walks up to Yukio now, smile a lot dimmer than just a second ago, “I hear you stuck a gun in my apprentice’s face,” he says, barely loud enough for Renzou to catch. Yukio stops shooting and turns to Lightning. Renzou can’t see his face.

“Heh, so Suguro already told you?” he asks, voice _cold_ and _mean_.

“Yeah,” Lewin replies, cheery as ever, “ he asked for permission to tell you about our investigation,” pause, “I said no, of course~!”

Renzou sees Yukio stiffen.

“What do you even want to know so badly, Okumura-san?” Lewin asks with a cock of his head.

“If _you_ won’t talk, why should I?” Yukio retorts. He sounds defensive and steely.

“You ask questions, but don’t deem to answer any yourself,” Lewin tuts, “that’s pretty arrogant of you!”

Yukio scoffs, “ Not as arrogant as _you_ ,” and turns to walk away.

“I may look it, but I’m not actually that arrogant,” Lewin says to Yukio’s retreating form. Then, quieter, “Ryuuji is a good boy, he wants to help...” Lewin sighs, “but you can only help those who want to be helped. Isn’t that right, Shima?”

Renzou peers out from his hiding place sheepishly to find Lewin grinning at him, “Yeah...”

“You’re spying on Yukio Okumura, yes?” Lewin asks while gesturing for Renzou to come closer. He complies warily.

“That’s a rather direct accusation,” Renzou says nervously, “ Man, it is so unfair that you can track me like this. I’m on a mission, you know! I am _so busy_ and you’re interfering! I’m working in the Order’s interests as well! How about you take this damn bell off me and let me get back to my duties, huh?”

“Alright, I’ll remove it,” Lewin says.

“Huh?” is it _really_ that easy?

“But not for free.” And there we go. Renzou is about to make a deal with the fucking devil.

He squints, trying to gauge what’s Lewin’s angle here. But the reasoning evades him, as usual.

“What… do you want in return?” he asks.

“Nothing much, don’t worry,” Lewin says, his voice eerily calm, “I just need you to pass on a message.”

“Oh, uh. Alright,” Renzou says, a little baffled. “What’s the message? And who do I pass it on to?”

“Yukio Okumura,” Lewin says, smile blooming again. Renzou can just barely see his eyes peeking through the fringe. They’re crinkled with mirth. “I need you to tell him that if he ever gets in a jam, the contract can serve as a weapon.”

Renzou frowns, “Huh? What’s that supposed to mean?”

Lewin’s smile widens, “Yukio will understand, he’s a smart guy. Will you do this?”

Renzou laughs nervously, “Seems like a good bargain to me. Now take the bell off, _please_.”

“Marker. Embryo,” Lewin says. The Sylph chimes as it zips this way and that around Renzou’s throat. Lewin makes the shape of a gun with his hand and points it at the Sylph.

“Mortem,” he says, moving the hand as if recoiling after firing off a shot.

And Renzou feels the metaphorical string untie. The chiming stops, leaving only the background noise of battle.

“Thanks,” Renzou says, touching his neck subconsciously.

“And thank you as well,” Lewin chirps back, “Now, you should go back to stalking I guess.”

Renzou gives the man a strained smile, “Please don’t call it that. But yeah, I should get back to _spying on_ Yukio.”

“I’m not sure we’ll see each other again… soon,” Lewin says, “ So good luck out there, Shima! You’ll need it.” His smile is sort of menacing.

“Uh, thanks,” Renzou says, unsure what the proper response is and just a little ruffled at the not really a faux-pas implication that he might die before they meet again.

Why does everyone expect him to just drop dead at any moment?

“You too, I guess. Good luck, I mean.”

Lewin does this little wave and turns to walk away. Starts humming some song two steps in. He’s so weird. And scary. And infuriating. Renzou half-glares at his retreating form for a moment.

Yeah, he still doesn’t have even the slightest grasp of what Lewin’s deal is. But it will just have to wait. He has bigger problems now, like finding Yukio.

After one last glance, Renzou walks away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for making it through this! Let me know what you thought, or share if you have any criticism.
> 
> By the way - you can find me on tumblr (@thefoulbeast) and twitter (@robopattern) ^w^


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